RE the FAFSFA

The child has to have the parent that they reside with (or are the dependent of).. provide income information.. AND.. the spouse of that bio parent must also provide it.. because the FASFA wants to know the HOUSEHOLD income.  I believe in some ways, the intent is to not have kids who come from a family with means.. getting free grant money when their bio parent is a SAHM.. because their spouse earns more than enough for the family..   

BUT... the reality is that all the income is used for is to determine 1.  whether there are any grants that they will qualify for.. and it 2.  will show the "student family" contribution amount.. which does not mean that the parent or the step parent is actually obligated to PAY that amount.. but that is an amount that the formula assumes the family can afford.. and if they need to get loans for that.. then the student can get loans.. 

So.. in a nutshell, you providing your income for the calculation does not obligate you to personally pay any one red cent.

BUT.. in YOUR case.. I believe that what I am hearing is that BM is claiming her as a dependent.. so SHE is the parent that must provide income information.. and her spouse would be obligated to provide their info (if she has one).. but again.. that spouse doesn't have any liability.

Your DH should not be the one to provide info.. since he is not the primary custody parent and is not claiming her as the dependent.

I don't think the suggestion to try to chill about stuff is totally off base though.. At this point.. if what you are hearing is near correct.. the girl will not be able to work without jeaopardizing her mom's housing potentially.. Of course, there are ways to earn money that is a little more off the books.. babysitting etc.. I mean.. technically you should report that income.. but I'm guessing that most people don't if it's just time to time for some spending money.   I'm sure that your SD does feel she accomplished something.. and to be honest.. not everyone has the same need to feel productive all the time.  She did jsut finish school.. and I would assume she is going forward with setting up school for the fall?  If she can't work.. maybe she could be volunteering or something.. but it seems like kids these days prefer to lounge.. (rotting I have heard it called).

And.. yes.. these people will make decisions without you in mind.. your DH .. SD.. TT.. no one is worried about how things impact you.. so you need to figure out what things you need to be concerned with.. if SD wants to lay in bed.. well.. that's her letting her own life slip by.. not your problem right?

to someone on here. I think her point just was to stay out of it and relax instead of being so involved. You keep saying how you are going to stay out of it, but I don't think you have ever let go and stayed out of it. I am sorry work sucks right now, but you post on here for advice and then hardly take any of it and post about the same issue again and again, but if you don't change anything you can't expect to get different results. 

I do understand not wanting to provide your income information as your income isn't supposed to be included in regards to child support it shouldn't be included for student loans either as you are not a bio parent, but worrying about the rest you really need to let go. I know I have to let go in my own situation in not trying to figure out motives, etc. of BM so I need to take my own advice in that aspect. But I just don't understand like I have said before why you chose to stay in this cycle of toxic behavior.

I'm glad you let me have it. It's not a BIO-mom rant I'm on, however. It's experience from living with 4 stepsons who failed terribly in comparison to your SD. 4 young men with depression, anxiety, and alcohol and substance abuse. I loved them and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I wrung my hands. I stressed so bad under the weight of living in a home with them as they would sneak girls in, get so drunk they pissed the bed, skipped school and the list goes on and on. Between them and my narc ex, my health was failing and my hair was literally falling out.

I hurt for you and I wish I could just kidnap you to get you out of this sh$tuation because you CARE and the people who have control are a hot mess. And all I see happening is that you're bearing the brunt of the worry and anxiety.

I'm sorry weed is not an option for you. I see it taking the edge off for a LOT of normal, not pot-head, not stoner losers. I know a lot of successful people who use cannabis to calm their anxiety and ease their stress, especially when they cannot control anything but themselves.

But, it's okay. I can take it. I'm not special because I birthed some babies.

Your strategies will only consume you because you're trying to control the uncontrollable because they don't care and your husband doesn't back you up. He doesn't put you first or parent his daughter properly.

I am sorry your job is really stressful right now and I'm so sorry I added to your frustration, and I hope your post to me was cathartic on some level. ((Hugs))

You cannot control if she gets a license. You cannot control if/when she gets a job. You cannot control where she lives. You cannot control what BM or any of your stepkids do. You cannot control what your husband does. All you can control is you, and I'll wager if you put your foot down and told your SD18 to move out, your husband would not back you up. So, I get it - your life feels out of control right now and I will repeat that you can only control yourself. For me, that has, more often than not, meant I had to walk away from situations where my needs, feelings and happiness were not a priority.

I hope that you have a different outcome but I pray you find peace because I'm worried about you.

I think having a part time job and making sure you are set for the fall semester is plenty for a kid who just graduated.. To be honest.. it is probably one of the last long stretches of time "off" they will have until they retire.. lol.. so I can see a lot of parents being ok with the kid having some minimal effort activities..

When I graduated.. many of my classmates went eurorailing for a month or more.. the goal was to have some experiences that they wouldn't have a chance to once the grind of "real life" hits.. lol.  I went to Spain for a few weeks.  I already had a part time job during school.. so just worked a bit more during the summer.. and was ready with my classes for my first semester... that part really should be pretty easy to work up in just a few days.  

I do think that there is time for work AND play and they will get to the "killing yourself" part of life soon enough.. haha.

Some productivity plan is good.. but it doesn't have to be all consuming.. imho.

You're right to laugh. Wanna know why I wrote it? Because CLove isn't the parent and her husband does not back her up. I don't think the kid deserves any breaks, but it's pointless to push this topic because CLove has no support.

I also know what it's like to barely pass high school. But, even I got to go away to senior week at the beach after graduation despite my GPA being 1.6 overall. Yeah, it was BAD. And you'd think I was worry free being a poor performing student, but it was constant stress, guilt and shame. At least I can blame it on ADD and did much better at school as a medicated adult.

You are blessed to have a life partner to work with to parent a child. CLove doesn't enjoy that support.

Public loans don't need cosigners.. private ones may.. or may not.. it can depende.

If TT is the one to fill out the fasfa.. and she is in section 8 earning territory.. I would think that there is a likelihood that your SD will actually be eligible for some GRANT money.. (that doesn't have to be repaid).. then she would probably ALSO be eligible to take out some public govt backed student loans for more.. maybe the rest of her needs.. if there is need beyond that.. then private loans are the third tier and that is potentially where she might need a cosigner.. but it's possible.. she will get what she needs in the first two options.

Again.. since TT is going to be her custodial parent.. she should be filling out fasfa.. I hope that you did not claim SD on your 2023 tax returns.. because that could be a bit of a wrinkle.. if you guys were considered her custodial home last year.

In our situation.. my SDs' mother claimed them as dependents.. so she provided her income.. she wasn't married.. and did not make a high income.. so they got grant money.. it would not have been the same if my DH and I had to put both our incomes...lol.

if your husband cosigns, that's on him. It's been a bit since we sent a kiddo off to college but if I remember correctly where she resides count and if she resides w/ mom and mom claims her and gets a rent deduction for her then mom's the one who does the paperwork. 

I love a worrier. It drives me crazy at times because something simple causes him lack of sleep and nonstop laser focus but he is really doing so much better for his own health. And I know exactly whose genes passed it down to him. So I spend a bit of time helping him learn to let things go. 

And

I'm one of those needs to know people. Because I was raised in chaos, I need that control information gives me. Bit I've learned to step out of my head because really all I do from time to time is drive my own self nuts over thinking so I can feel in control. 

So I get you. And I adore you. You have a good soul and a kind heart but regarding sluggo, your worry will only make you suffer. She has to find her path, she has to learn and only her parents will guide her and we both know they will not. 

Protect yourself by making sure you do not have to give up income info. Refuse to. She doesn't reisde in your home. She lives with her mom. 

And so she's a slug. As long as you aren't spending $$ or time on her sluggatude, take a breath, hold it, picture yourself breathing out the bad air and move along to keep your mind busy. Let her parents deal with her slggard ways. Let them deal with her lack of energy, let them pay for her to do nothing. Don't purchase her things as an extra. Don't take her out and spend your $$. Don't buy her special shampoos or snacks or anything. Let Mummy and Daddy enjoy that. They will tire of it and you will not put yourself in the splatter zone of blame. Just let it be. 

kids go to college I'm kinda/sorta familiar with the FAFSA process. Students can get Stafford loans which are subsidized and based on need or unsubsidized which are not based on need. Subsidized have interest waived while the student is attending college but unsubsidized accrue the entire time. Repayment is not required during the time the student is enrolled for either. These loans do not require a co-signer.

Parent Plus loans, on the hand, are loans with decent interest rates that parents can use to pay the family contribution determined by FAFSA. Parents are not required to take out these loans. And if a parent has lousy credit they will be turned down just like with any other loan. And these loans are the parent's  responsibility to repay, not the student's.

It's possible that your SD will qualify for Pell grants which are need-based and do not require repayment. You have to have a not failing GPA to get one. Pell grants are initially paid to the college and any unused balance goes to the student to help cover travel and housing costs. Surprisingly, the program isn't very well monitored and students can receive the surplus $$$ even if they dropped a bunch of classes. It's weird. 
 

ETA: If the student decides to drop out for any period of time the payments for a Stafford loan begin immediately. 

Ask your father!! LOL 

It makes me sick to see how these SKs act...and then want us (you, in this case) to, all of a sudden forget the nasty behaviors and jump to their rescue. Nah. Let good ole dad do that. Or the BM.

You keep yourself happy and safe from all that drama.

Oh yes.  Having one or more parents on the dole rolls out the cash train for kidult post HS students.

But do you really think PS has it in her to maintain a 2.0 and complete her degree? She is going the route of so many SDs on here. My SO's daughters, 24 and 27, are still running to Mommy and Daddy crying when they get themselves in a bind. So many semesters, so many loans, and still texting Daddy for gas and grocery money. 

But the odds are that SDPSXYZ won't stay the course. I'm sure she has a ton of pre rec classes to slog through.

Going to college without a clear career path is not best practice. 

Yes free bachelor' if she is smart (debatable, you'd know better than me) and poor (I'd be willing to bet the farm she will get 100% Pell Grant) enough to get er done. 
 

And extra spending money on top of it. 
 

The good news is you and your husband won't have to pay or cosign loans. You won't have to give your info. TT will. PPS can take out extra federal loans all on her own without a parental co-signer.

And they will give her 6 years worth of grants (which means she can take 150% of the time it normally takes to get a 4 year bachelor's degree). 
 

If she takes out loans (and if the republicans don't put Biden's SAVE plan on the chopping block should they have control back) and if she makes low-medium salary, she likely won't have to pay much of them back. 
 

As far as if she will be successful... depends on her major. Some are (much) harder than others. Online degrees are generally  IMO easier. You can stay in bed (don't have to worry about commuting, parking, walking a long distance to class all that time etc... if you take in-person classes, sometimes you have to hang around on campus because it makes no sense to go home..). Tests are online (which allows for a million ways to cheat). Lectures are recorded and can be watched over and over.
 

IF she is sneaky enough she can Chegg her way through (chegg.com - a website where college student upload homework and test answers. For a low monthly subscription fee, you can have all the answers at your fingertips.) or she can Chatgpt her way through if she has to write something. That's what Little Idiot and plenty of other college students these days have done. 
 

Oh and 6 years of free college could turn into 7 or 8 IF  she doesn't have a full schedule every spring/fall. Or it could turn into 5 if she does have a full schedule every spring/fall plus takes summer classes.
 

Basically you're given 600% and every semester (fall, spring or summer) that you go full time, you use up 50%. So if she goes full time this fall, next spring and the summer after, she would use up 150% of her Pell Grant that year and would have 450% left. Once she gets to 0%, no more Pell Grant free college. If she doesn't go full time (say she only takes 2 classes), then she'd only be using something like 20% of her Pell Grant. 

In order to keep getting the Pell Grant, she will need to stay poor and keep in good standing with her college (basically pass 2/3rds of her classes and maintain a 2.0 (C) average). Every college is a bit different but those are the general requirements.

Can she do that? Again, depends on what she takes. They won't push you through college. You have to complete the homework's, quizzes and pass most of the tests. How easy the tests are again, depend on the major and the professor.

If her gpa falls below 2.0, she will have 1 more semester to raise it back above 2.0 or she will get kicked out. 

"Since when did kids "deserve" a break?"

Lol i know. A break from what? Vegging, getting tattoos and piercings, barely going to school but skating by, and playing on her phone?

One thing you have that they don't is self-respect. It's easy to borrow the max amt of money when you know you will never do enough to make enough to have to pay it back. These people live for the moment because they have no future.

Protect yourself and your assets, because those around you will use up everything they can get their hands on. TT doesn't give a rat's ass about PS's future. TT wants that money NOW, and who cares if PS has a pile of debt the rest of her life.

Look around you. If you don't see any good people, be one. Not in the way that you will keep sinking time, money, and stress into these losers, but in how you conduct yourself in your day to day life. If you look around and can't find anyone who is a true friend and ally, be that for yourself.

This advice is as much for me as for you lol. These a-holes have stressed us out enough. Just make sure that PS's debt can't affect your future. Otherwise let them rot in their own filth. I bet that apartment on the beach is a hoarders' nest of disgustingness anyway. 

You sound like me. It was all prepared and set in stone where I was going to college long before I even graduated. My parents made sure my future was planned out and the summer after HS was spent working and prepping for college in the fall. I was expected to hit the ground running once I graduated. No time like the present and all that. 
 

So I get the frustration. When someone wants to laze around and take a break from life, well someone else has to subsidize that vacation. Little Idiot worked yes, but it all went to her fun. We supported her by paying for the roof over her head, her food, and her cell phone bill etc. So I got resentful too. I get it.

ETA: On a related topic, they will graduate as many kids as they can these days in high school, even if the principal has to carry them all piggyback across the finish line. Literally. Administration will beg, cajole and threaten the teachers to change grades to get these kids graduated. Higher graduation rates means more $ for the school, less headaches with the government and bye-bye to the problem children. So none of these skids on here graduating surprises me. I'd be more surprised if they DIDNT graduate. 

I would create the life you want for yourself despite what she does or doesn't do. Then it doesn't matter if she becomes some washed up beach bum or not. Do not let what she doesn't do affect what you can do.. For yourself. You deserve a good and fun life. Don't put your own life on hold for some kid who doesn't crap all. Take life by the horns.

I guess the problem is that life IS unfair.. but it still burns to see yoru DH's ex living in a beach town while you grind yourself to to bone to make up for all of your DH's shortcomings...   He owes back taxes.. he pays for his kid's stuff.. he is obviously doing the bare minimum.. and probably often less than that.  I recall him wanting to enjoy "time off" between jobs not to long ago.. he is lazy.. he is fine sucking off you to make his life comfortable.. and he enjoys all his fun with his barnacle buddy.. fishing.. his cars and boats.. and what do you get?  A lot of headache.. a large share of the bills and no voice in your home.

Your husband is the biggest failure here.  His kids?  well.. they are behaving as they were raised.. doing the minimum because no one expected or taught them better (was not your job).  

You don't have vacations because your household can't afford them.. because you are spending all your disposable income propping up your budget since your DH is spending his money elsewhere.  

You will never be a priority and have the life you want if you stay there.. honestly.. you want your best life.. you better go start living it.. because time is a thief and before long.. your dreams will no longer be a reality.

It'sthe same thing over and over with CLove's abusive husband, spawn, and ex, knowing she remains in a state of hypervigilence trying to protect herself from toxic selfish manipulators who seem to delight in their twisted sickness while she's grasping for a thread of hope for some future sanity. Sanity that will never be realized while remaining involved.

My xSS's graduation & subsequent continued lazy partying inaction was a time of high anxiety for me, so I can relate to that so much. I too was determined to not host any user parasites. I had to divorce my way out of it to save myself - the manipulative parasite BY NATURE will not change. So it was up to ME to change, and discontinue hosting/enabling them - to evict them and free myself.

We are not rich and since so much money is sunk into SS sports I don't know where SO would find the money. Does Fafsa take all incomes even if you are not married? BM has been with her fiancé since she left SO and has never married him. And SD hasn't stayed with us for 2 years and BM has claimed her on taxes always.