StepLife PTSD is definitely real. I spent years in and out of therapy to help me cope with dealing with HCBM. My first therapist believed it was PTSD, my second therapist thought I was nuts. 

Whenever I would see BM's name appear on DH's phone or in his email, I would experience panic attack symptoms - racing thoughts, sweating, shaking, etc. and if it was serious communication from her that required a response, sometimes it could take a day or two for me to fully recover. When DH would send responses, I felt the need to reread them a million times and second guess each sentence, worrying about the reaction and response it would cause from BM. It got to the point where if DH's phone vibrated or rang at all for any reason, I would jump. She was so high conflict and verbally and emotionally abusive toward us for so many years, we never knew what the next fight or issue or game would be. We were on edge and survival mode 24/7 with her.

Most of my PTSD symptoms have resolved since DH took BM to courts and they scolded her for her behavior. It also helped that DH set firm boundaries from then forward. Before the courts scolded BM, it didn't matter what boundaries we had in place, she felt she could walk all over them. The only time it flares up is when DH and BM have to sort out dates that are ambiguous in the CO. I don't like the unknown or us having to engage in lengthy discussions with BM. 

I know that even when SS ages out and BM isn't legally tied to DH anymore via a CO or child support, it is still going to take a long time to recover from all of this, if I fully recover at all. Steplife has like rewritten my brain and how I experience parenthood and marriage and life. 

always leaves the SM with PTSD issues. I have them, also.

As for your DH seeing his kids away from the marital home, let him do that! It has worked for us for the past 6 years. And think of it this way.....it's not your SDs getting what they want....it's getting what YOU want. PEACE.  DH and I are firm in our marriage. He can spend time with his kids with zero impact to me or our marriage. When he's on that "side," I enjoy time with friends, enjoy the solitude of the home, play in my studio, etc etc etc. My DH has to travel to see his kids...so I have nice long blocks of time. And what's always funny is how READY DH is to come home after those visits. 

So, send him off to the dinners with your blessings....and enjoy some peaceful down time, knowing you are the winner in the end. Best to you.

I experienced PTSD dealing with a Disneyland dad who gaslit tf out of me about just how conniving and manipulative his ex wife was in using her domestic t3rrorists to destroy my peace in my home every mfing weekend/holiday. 
 

I work a high stress job and oftentimes I worked over 40hrs a week. So when weekends/his parenting times  hit I expected law and order but instead what I got was no-home-training, no respect, no boundary, disruptive skids.
 

 talking to a Disneyland dad about his behavior was like talking to a brick wall

I used to get anxiety on Thursday thinking about how these domestic t3rrorists would be arriving on Friday. 
 

Full on panic attack on Friday as I saw their location (my home) and heard their loud a$$ voices from outside my 2k sq ft home and heard his car doors slamming twice. 

Sheer depression thinking about how my weekend has been completely destroyed now that there is 48hr of coddling, catering, cleaning up after loud/lazy/obnoxious/rude/entitled able bodied skids. 
 

Now I can't even decompress after work because I have to work to survive his parenting weekend. 
 

I quietly lose my sh*t if he or his kids decide last minute (at the demands of their mother) to extend their stay and refuse to leave promptly at 4pm on Sunday so I can have some semblance of peace, orderliness, and quiet for a couple of hour before having to get back to the corporate grind. 

On Monday I still feel anxiety especially if dude went deep into Disney dad mode and caused an argument where he rationalizes his and his ex wife's and his kids crappy behavior by saying "I'm doing this for the sake of my kids" 

Tuesday and Wednesday I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm back to being myself. 
 

Then the cycle continues ...... *sad*

Now that I left and have my own place. My peace has been restored on weekends and Disneyland Dad/obnoxious skid induced PTSD is not a factor anymore 

Adult weekends away from home. Leaving on Friday night. And Saturday night.   So SD can't come over.  And you get some fun time 

I'm a new stepparent, and I think that I'm breaking out in a rash and hives due, at least in part, to the antics of my husband's two adult children. (He has a third child that I adore.) Yes, I am allergic to a lot of things--including the pollen of many types of grass--but what had been a small rash really blew up after I hurried to clean up the house because relatives were arriving to celebrate a particular series of events, and then I was told that I wasn't invited to those events. The adult stepkids would "prefer" that I'm not around. I felt like "the help" at that point--not like a member of the family.

I love my husband tremendously, but I feel like my body is reacting to the stress of the past few days with this rash. Anyway, I don't know what the answer to our common dilemma is, but if it helps, I'm commiserating. I guess we all have to live our way into our answers. I love my husband very much, but I've requested that we go to counseling about this. The same thing seems to happen on Christmas morning, etc., and I'm done being "the help."

From the 5 loooooonnnnnnng years of atomic, scorched earth, take no prisoners, industrial strength PAS that the Girhippo and her clan/community put us through.  And many times Chef would take it out on me.  My only saving grace is that I have not seen those three feral brats in almost 16 years now.

Also I think for me I have PTSD in that sometimes if I see a little girl clinging all over her dad in a public place e.g. park etc. I can't help, but roll my eyes and think to myself that I hope he's still with the BM and that some poor Stepmom isn't involved and having to deal with the clinging SD/ mini-wife. I've read too many stories of women on here that are in that scenario. Plus I have PTSD of when my own SD would be clinging all over SO all.the.time. Thankfully she's aged out of it now (for the most part)