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Small vent...and update

Mountains's picture

Submitted by Mountains on Mon, 06/19/2023 - 4:47pm

It's been a hot minute since I have posted, but recent events have been interesting, leaving me terribly sad.  Little background:  DH (90) has been in declining health for four years, requiring 24/7 care.  Recently put on pallative care.  Two skids are SD (64) and SS (61) have been awful to my DH over the years, especially after his decline.  Neither call, text, or email...I have been trying to keep them informed of their fathers health (major) issues when they occur but I rarely get a response.  If I do, it is a ridiculous question like "Does Dad have email access in ICU?"  The final straw for DH was not getting an invite to his grandchildren's high school graduation. 

Father's Day rolls around this year and no calls or cards (except from our DD (28) ... DH goes to bed.  Later that night, I saw I had missed a call from SD while I was putting DH to bed.  I talked to DH in the morning and he was adamant he was done expecting them to reach out and did not want to take their calls.  I called the SD back and gently told her DH did not want to talk to her.  When she asked why, I told he has not felt much care or compassion since he became disabled.  The conversation spiraled down from there.

Bottom line, it was all my fault she has not called or texted him...the reasons changed when I pointed out the fallacy in her excuses.  I ended the conversation quickly and just felt so much anxiety.  I was not as calm as I would have liked, either.

Their Dad is not in good shape.  Pallative care is a step towards hospice care at some point, which I have tried to carefully explain to them.  At this point, just letting them know when he goes into hospice care and/or passes is the plan.  It just makes me so sad.  If I could get five more minutes with my dad, it would be wonderful (he has been gone for 23 years).

Thanks for letting me vent...24/7 care of a loved one is exhausting and overwhelming at times.  The best way I have found to explain it to my family is that I am weary in a way that a good night's sleep cannot fix. 

Comments

Mominit's picture

Submitted by Mominit on Mon, 06/19/2023 - 5:06pm

I understand that kind of weary.  Weary in your heart, soul and body.  It's not a tangible help, but know that you're in my prayers.  For rest and a sense of peace.  You're doing all you can with all the love you have.  DH appreciates you and the SKs aren't your concern.  Hugs.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 06/19/2023 - 6:22pm

Your poor DH.  How sad.  Please take care of yourself and flush these "kids" out of your thoughts, if you can.  Hoping for your and your DH's best possible outcome.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 06/20/2023 - 7:49am

The audacity to blame you for her being a POS of a daughter. Just wow. 

I hope your husband finds peace and that you and he find ways to enjoy the time you have left together with your DD.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Tue, 06/20/2023 - 9:18am

I'm sorry. My DH has seen some decline in health too. Last time he was in ICU, one of his kids called periodically, the other didn't at all, although he was going to drive across country to "set the doctors straight." Because SS with a high school diploma is smarter than the neurosurgeons I guess. I don't know, he didn't come.

DH's health now is such that he can communicate with them himself, so I leave all that to him as usual. Neither of his kids is even in the vicinity of reality when it comes to their Dad's health.

I hope you and your DH enjoy your time together.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Tue, 06/20/2023 - 9:30am

How powerful you must be to be able to control your husband's middle-aged kids, and from a distance, too!

Please try to put these people from your mind and focus on what's truly important - being with your DH, taking care of him AND yourself. (((Hugs)))

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 06/20/2023 - 11:30am

Im sorry you are having to deal with these rotten bratolas. No wonder you feel fatigued!  (hugs) and sending you many good vibes from california (where its sunny now finally).

Try to scrub them from your mind. DH needs peacefulness now at this time and so do YOU. 

SD24 Feral Forger complains to SD17 Power sulk how "her father abandoned her!!!!" and yet, when he calls to invite her out shes always busy or doesnt return texts or calls. Shes blocked on my phone and social media. I dont know that I would be as graceful as you if anything were to happen to Husband.