Uphill battle
Does anyone else feel like it's an uphill battle to
get their partners to see stuff? I do, he comes around eventually and admits it's something from his childhood that brought back bad feelings or his guilt of not being around for his daughter when he was in the military. But it's a big ordeal to get him to this point. He sees what he does and knows it's wrong but it's really stressful for me. I tell him this and he knows it , but it's just hard. People peg step parents as the bad people, and tell them
they over step their bounds but I don't think that should be the case. I feel like bio parents are too close (emotionally) /involved to really notice what's going on. It goes back into having two hearts instead of a brain and a heart. A nurse once told me that the kid is the easier patient and the parents are the harder one to deal with. I feel this often as a step parent.
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Amen
Amen to that. My DH is so stubborn. He never sees things that are crystal clear to me, about how his kids act. He is stubborn about other things too, and i think some of the problems with his kids being slobs are because he raised them that way. Yesterday I threw away a pair of his dirty underwear because I told him I would throw them away if he didn't move them off the floor by end of day. They had been sitting there for 3 days. Sometimes when a simple "Thank you" would do, he likes to say something sassy and rude. So yesterday I went to get him a glass of lemonade, and he said something snarky, so I turned around and put it back in the cupboard. I said "Fine then. If you can't be nice, you can damn well get your own lemonade!."
Ugh. These Dh's.
Guilt
You said the key word, guilt. That's at the bottom of all this.
Our partners are in these
Our partners are in these failed family situations partly due to their own shortcomings. Many of them hail from dysfunction, or married into it, or created it with their ex, or even selected their ex due to it. Few of them care about self awareness or fixing themselves so they can do better.
Guilt is just part of the baggage they drag around with them. Ego and conflict avoidance are also common flaws.
On ST, we seldom hear about the well adjusted guys who handle their business & parent well. I'm not sure they even exist.
Yep
But honestly at this point I don't care if he sees me point or not. When it comes to the SK's there are clear boundaries. That's all I care about - he can believe they are all saints with superpowers. Just don't mess with the boundaries on visits (or the clear boundaries on no living here).
Same here! I am past the
Same here! I am past the point of trying to get DH see my point of view. I just avoid the topic of SD all together.