I was about 5 or 6 when the little girls I spent time with were having my GI Joe dolls  have sex with their Barbi dolls. That not infrequently led to show me yours and I'll show you mine.   They were my age or a year or two older.

Be careful how you act over this.  It can have life long impact.

I kind of agree with Rags. Sex at that age doesn't mean the same as it does to adults or teens. It's still just an action and exploration of the human body. The implications of what sex is and its purpose aren't behind what is being played out (usually).

That said, your SD is witnessing things she shouldn't. It's one thing for a kid to accidentally walk in on their parents getting it on. It's wholly another when the act is taking place in front of them frequently. Honestly, I think this would warrant a call to CPS. SD is being exposed to sexual behaviors and I'd be worried that she is also being involved in them. Either SD is sneaking in and BM is clueless that SD is there OR BM knows SD is there and lets her watch (which likely also means BF knows she is there and letting her watch). THAT is child sexual abuse. THAT should raise a million red flags.

So call CPS. Not because SD was caught playing sex - kids do that, and they masturbate, and as adults we need to have discussions about when and where those things happen, etc. Do it because SD is confessing something alarming, and SD may be a victim of sexual abuse but not know it (or not know how to express it). At the very least, CPS should be telling BM to put a lock on her door and use it. At worst, SD is being abused and CPS can help her get away from her abusers and find help.

I absolutely would call CPS. Children witnessing adults' sex acts is sexual abuse (I'm not talking about a kid walking in on their parents on accident, that's a different thing). 

That being said, what Rags said is very true. Your reaction to this can have a lifelong impact. I'm not faulting you for being shocked and upset and reacting emotionally in the heat of the moment. Totally understandable! But please know that masturbation is developmentally appropriate in children as young as preschool age. Of course at that point it should just be an instinctual thing and not that they really have a visualization of why masturbating feels good. And they have to be taught discretion. But it IS a natural thing. 

I'm sure you don't want your children to forever associate sex with shame and secrecy. I get it. I grew up in a home where I was literally never told anything because my parents were so uncomfortable with the topic due to their religious backgrounds. When I say that I went to college not knowing how sex worked but knowing that whatever it was, that it was "sinful", I am not exaggerating. This led to me being abused and caused so much heartache for me that at 40 years old I'm really just recently healed from it after a lot of therapy.

I've taken the opposite approach with my DD in that I will answer anything she asks and sometimes more with factual information. Even though it makes me super uncomfortable, we talk about sex openly and honestly. We also talk about how it's not a topic that is appropriate to discuss outside our immediate family because we want to respect what other parents choose to tell their children. DD is 8 and she has no shame or fear around talking to me about anything. It's like discussing the weather to her. And I know that she is educated enough to understand what appropriate boundaries are and what to do if someone violates her boundaries. Not only that, but she's empowered with the right language to tell me right away if someone hurts her. I can't tell you how much peace of mind this has given me. 

This has been a great resource for giving me the right words and the confidence to talk to DD openly. I don't necessarily agree with all of their religious stuff, but their approach is a whole is really great and easily modified if you want to exclude the religion: https://birds-bees.com/

Agree with all the above advice. While I'm sure you didn't intend it, you humilated your SD7 for doing something that is normal for kids who haven't been abused or exposed to sex at an early age. I taught my kids that curiosity is normal, but needs to be done IN PRIVATE - and wash your hands.

The other piece is that your SD7 has been exposed to sexual behavior between her mother and the boyfriend. Statistically speaking, children in homes where a single mother brings in a boyfriend OR has a boyfriend living with her, are more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than children in intact homes (with two bio parents). I think the risk increases 20x with a live-in boyfriend.

I would surely have CPS look into the situation but ONLY due to the admitted exposure to adults having sex. Child masturbation is NOT a reason to call CPS by itself and surely not a reason to punish or shame a child.

Hun please call CPS, like now. No more thinking about it. The longer you wait the more damage can be done. 

You need to protect your bios and SD. Otherwise these poor children will be scarred for life.

The act with the doll is a classic sign of way more than curiosity.

Lady err on the side of caution. Young children are involved and its your obligation to protect them.

Blessings

I agree with those that said to call CPS. This is more than "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" or learning body's. This is extreme. 

I did not make that clear in my response above.

Self touch is absolutely normal in the mid single digit age range +\-.  Dealing with it calmly while establishing guidance of when, where and what is appropriate at that age is part of parenting.

If this little girl is being groomed or inappropriately exposed to sexual concepts that are excessive, by all means get CPS involved.

CPS will do anything bc it is the sainted BM that's the perp.  Now if it were SM and biodad, it would be guilty until proven innocent, both of you would lose custody and be thrown in jail.   Call me cynical.

Please consider getting some professinal help for your SD. I understand that you were shocked by what you saw, but putting her in a time out for the afternoon was not fair to the child. She had no idea that she was doing something worthy of a punishment. The fact that she is using a doll indicates to me that there is a good possibility she has been abused. If you won't call CPS, consider having her evaluated by a professional to see if she has been abused.

I understand your concern about your DH, but this is something that needs to be directly dealt with in order to protect the child.

I agree with the other posters.  It's not unusual for kids to masturbate, be curious about sex, etc., but that she is walking in and witnessing her mother doing this?  Multiple times?  OMG. Time to notify the authorities. 

I feel like your reaction to the situation was not unusual given that you experienced abuse yourself - I'm so so sorry you went through that and now this.  I think the initial freak out was warranted.  Be kind to yourself.

I think counseling for SD 7 would be a good idea at this point. And I think it was absolutely responsible of you to stop DH from confronting BM.  This would lead to more problems that would also affect the kids.  Get a counselor involved, let them do the dirty work.  I wouldn't say a word to BM about what her daughter was doing and what she said.

I cringe to think about parents like BM who are oblivious about their parenting responsibilities.  How about engaging in sexual activity with the door locked and after kids are in bed?  It almost sounds like BM only cares about herself. 

Please take care of yourself and know we are all here for you.