SS visitation : 3 days and already depressed !
Hi all,
It's been a while since i didn't post on my ST Blog, but tonight, i need to vent.
It's been 3 days since SS is here, and i'm already depressed.
He is absolutely not interesting AT ALL. Have no center of interest except FORTNIGHT, and no conversation. It's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be here, but don't tell us (you know, always want to be the "good guy"), so he is counting the days.
My feelings make me guilty : he is not doing anything wrong except have nothing to share with us AND wait for the time to go faster till end of the week.
He has absolutely no interest about what we have planned for him (activity center, cinema, outdoor, etc..). He just sits in OUR room (his little room isn't ready yet) and play to his videogame.
It’s very frustrating : no family life, no happy atmosphere in the house.
And of course, we have to be careful at every single word we may said because he is very susceptible and has easy tears with us.
Of course, i know that this behaviour is the result of MIL destruction, not himself. By the way, he just came from an entire week with her (on BM times of course).
But i’m really depressed of the situation, and of the fact that i have a stranger in my own house.
I might be very defeatist tonight, but the only exit i see is to wait until he is old enough to say he doesn't want to come anymore at our home.
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Comments
That sounds awful!
That sounds awful!
Since he doesn't like anything that you guys have planned for him, has your husband asked him if there's anything he'd like to do - just him and your husband? It'd be good if they could have one on one time, and it'd get him out of your hair (and out of your room!) I hope they can find something the kid would enjoy doing with his dad.
Nothing, nothing, nothing. He
Nothing, nothing, nothing. He just say "yes" but doesn't make fun. He is just bored
There is a reason why we purged all games from our home.
Your SS is the poster child of that choice in our home. If there was a game on, or a screen of any type my SS-29 was a useless zombie. So, when he was in 6th grade we purged all gaming systems, etc... He could only watch a screen if he was watching with his mom and I.
If he walked through the family room during study time, chore time, etc... and we were watching a movie, he would zombie out. So.. we turned it off and sent him on his way. Lather... rinse.... repeat.
He is doing something wrong, and so are you and DH. He lives in a world that is someone elses immagination and not his own. And you and DH facilitate that rather than forcing him to live in the real world.
My son remembers fossil hunting trips, camping trips, he and I playing together, etc.... I make it a point to ask him upon occassion if he has any specific memories of gaming when he was young. He does. Interestingly they all include the very rare times he and I played video/computer games together.
Our family commited to living our life in the real world and not in an immaginary world we bought or rented from some game programmer.
Give it a try. Make memories rather than wasting that critical and valuable commodity on video games in your family.
IMHO of course.
I 100% agree with your point
I 100% agree with your point of view.
In fact, we are a free screen home. My DS isn't allowed to watch TV (course, he is a baby). TV is off all the day here (only for us, when kids are sleepling).
Plus, we have banned SS phone from our home (for this reason and for the fact that he was using it to communicate with MIL during our time, making huge drama).
We are offering range of activites, and DH (and sometimes I) is doing them with him. But, SS doesn't enjoy them at all. Our BS is 2yo, so SS10 activities are 100% dedicated to him. He has 100% DH attention, but doesn't enjoy spending time there. When he is at home, the only thing he waits, is to play his SWITCH. Even during board game, or pastry time, or cinema !
And because when he is here, he is not with us in his mind, i feel guilty to have a family life. I have the impression to let him apart, so i don't act normaly, even with my DS.
This is just an horrible situation.
At BM, or MIL (where he spend half week-ends, and half holidays), it's TV all the time. TV before school, TV after school and TV before bed time. Plus SS has a phone with unlimited access to internet (screen time 6 hours/day during week and 14 hours/day during week-end). He has a playstation, and a switch. And even babies have screens in their home.
I just feel it's hopeless for us as our lifestyles are radically different.
BM and MIL obviously don't
BM and MIL obviously don't love him enough to avoid turning him into a vegetable with a jelly brain.
Keep doing what you're (that's you plural) doing. Don't give him any choice. Drag him to the things you have planned. When he has no choice he might actually let go of the face that's tripping him and enjoy himself. After all, being bored takes some work when you have to keep it up constantly.
Limit his time on his playstation or his switch severely (as in 1 hour per day severely) or take them away altogether. Come to think of it, if you take them away completely, he might as well enjoy what he's doing because there's no point in thinking about games he can't play until he goes back to his mother's.
Have you got plenty of books for him, just in case? Deprive him of his drug (playstation, etc.) and he might seek another one (reading). Seems like a good idea to me
TV and gaming
Are addictions , so that's probably what he's thinking about and craving.. if he's that used to doing it.
I would try to keep in mind that you're actually doing his brain a favour getting him off that stuff for a while,whether he likes it or not.
Try not to act differently with ds as hard as it is, him seeing that interaction might turn his head.
I have a policy here that if ss wants to sit on his phone he gets ignored, me dh and dd just carry on around him like he isn't there. Eventually he's peeking upwards, feels left out and gets involved
Ugh same..
My SD is here today actually and has not removed her face from her cell phone. It's my DHs birthday and she did manage to get home a gift (Christmas she did not but got BM a expensive one). Here my SD 16 does not interact with family but occasionally will sit in the same room as us (usually behind us because she doesn't like being around ppl) but doesn't interact.. she actually just made it a point to move away from her brother, our son..because clearly 2 ft away is too close. It's frustrating and she just got here and I'm counting down to when she leaves. I'm sorry your in a similar situation.