Dropped Out of College
A few weeks back I posted about my SD's 1st semester of college not going so well and landed her on academic probation. Well this weekend she informed us she didn't want to go back to school. We are supporting this decision for multiple reasons... college isn't for everyone, maybe it was not the right fit. We have encouraged her to attend a community college with the hopes this help her find her way. A small win.
Here is the kicker... she wanted to move out. Move in with BM parents. This was a kick in the stomach to my DH. BM kicked her out a month befor the beginnning of freshman year. He fought for full custody and she has been with us all through her teen years. Why does she want to move out? The boyfriend. He doesn' t like us. He is 23, not in school, has a part time job at the local grocery store. Doesn't have motivation or any drive to be further himself. He would go upto see her and spend 1-2 days a week at school with her. Not blaming him for her poor college results, but his presence was definitely a distraction to her. So here we are... she dropped out. Wants to move out and live with grandparents so she can spend more time with the bologna slinger.
By the grace of God and some constructive critism from my DH mother she decided she should stay at home... as long as she could re-decorate her bedroom. Another small win for us.
The big win will be when she does well in school and drops that ham sandwich of a boyfriend!
I would let her redecorate
I would let her redecorate her room but she would need to pay for stuff. Otherwise she'll keep hanging that over your heads every time she wants something.
No school or work?
Welcome to life as the household beck-and-call girl/chore bitch.
Have her cleaning toilets daily, doin all the laundry, scrubbing, sweeping, moping, cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.
Smack her with full frontal reality and keep it up until she gains clarity.
For my skid, it took about 4mos. To put the exclamation point in the lesson, we kept him in that situation for a second 4mos until he reported for basic training.
3 Bedroom House and 3 kids
So he went up to school today and packed up SD stuff and brought it back. I haven't been home yet, but he said in a text " ohhhhh my god, there is so much shit" so I am thinking she might have spent $6000 when she left in August to December on all that extra shit she apparently has now, that we didn't take with us when we dropped her off. .... I had a painter come last night to give us a quote on painting her room (I added in a few more rooms, as it just makes sense to have fresh coats of paint everywhere)
She wanted her room, to be her own space... and yes, my BD has an apartment, but this is still her home... a home she came home to last night and removed every single belonging she had as if she was never even there.... why? because SD needs her own space. My BS, 21 who commutes, was to move into the girls room, as it is bigger room and now that is off the table. I guess the " I need to feel like this is my own space, i need to decorate it like it is my own" means my BD no longer exists and no one has even thought for one second how that makes me feel. Yes, BD has her own apartment near school. Of course, I still have photos of her.... but she is only 19 and still should have a HOME to come HOME to.... SD has not taken that away from her and me.
Not to mention, now there is crap everywhere... and I like to keep a tidy ship. BS moved home from campus and now commutes. He has like two totes in the basement that he can take with him when he moves on. She has totes, boxes, bags, suitcases, just crap everywhere and that was befor the official move today. I just don't know if I can handle this again.
So tell her to discuss the
So tell her to discuss the changes to her room with your dh seeing as they are going to share!