My husband and I have been married for 6yrs now. He was a significant person I dated in high school and met back up with 27 yrs later. He lived in another town while we dated the second time around, so when we wanted to get married, I moved due to ease of getting a job in a hospital was easier than him trying to leave his government job. Anyway, I had no clue what challenges would be with my stepsons. 

To start off, I had only been around them maybe 2-4x while we dated due to a contentious divorce between their Mom and DH. We got custody due to Mom being a piece of crap. SS15 was on 3 meds for ADHD, OCD and Anxiety. Come to find out it all had alot to do with discipline, diet and sleep habits. I did the research and enacted alot of new approaches with limiting sugar, caffeine, home cooked healthy meals, melatonin to help with sleep and discipline. DH resisted alot with the discipline and that has so much to do with where we are today.

We separated for about 9 months from Nov 19 to June 20 due to various issues with the horrific behavior of the SS15 and unfair treatment of my bio sons. We went to counseling where I identified how I was feeling. DH always blows up, yells at his kids and then delivers no consequence for their behaviors. They play ice hockey (most expensive sport out there), get things bought for them all the time, eat out alot, have no chores, play xbox for as long as they wish, talk disrespectful to their Dad and cheat in order to get good grades. SS15 admitted to my son20 that he cheats and got caught in school during a test. What's a slap in the face is he was recently inducted in the National Honor Society for his good grades. 

When my sons come over for an occasion or dinner (age24 and 20), my husband acts cold or has an issue with something they say or do.Like "they are sitting in my chair" or "their views are stupid". Recently my son20 asked if he had an issue with him by way he acted previous night. I had to make excuses for why he was acting that way. I hide when I have lunch or dinner with them away from my own home due to flak DH would give me for me wanting to spend time with them.

I don't know what to do. SS15 is always trying to push my buttons. He has really odd behaviour like he doesn't wear new clothes when they are bought for him, instead leaves tags on and folded in his drawer, leaves new shoes in box and in closet for display. Doesn't like to wash his bed sheets, places things around house as little trophies that he can look at when he enters the room. He unplugs my toaster every night due to his fear of catching on fire even after we have explained it time and time again the unlikeliness of this happening. He whines like a baby when he doesn't feel just right. Bosses his younger brother around and bothers him, makes him upset all the time. Super lazy and takes up to 3 showers a day. One day, he got a notion that he wanted a set of his dirty clothes washed by putting it in washer. They are supposed to wash their own clothes. Well it was my wash day, so I had 3 loads I tended to throughout day as I was doing other things. I saw his set in washer and placed them on the floor, washed my load. Came back to put over in dryer, saw his set was placed in my clean clothes basket. Got annoyed and placed them back on floor. Came back later to get load to fold and start a new one. His was back in washer, I put them on the floor again. Came back last time, they were in my clean clothes basket again. So I then took them, threw them up the stairs where his room is so he could place in his dirty clothes hamper. A bit later while me and DH were watching tv, he comes back down stairs and I hear him go to laundry room again. I tell my husband if he is putting those clothes back in washer or in my basket we were going to have a problem. So my husband asks if that was what he was doing and he lied and said no. I got up and went to washer and they were there. What was the point in this all day? If he wanted them washed with one of my loads, why didn't he ask me? It's always a power struggle with him. His Dad of course blew up at him then nothing. The punishment for jacking with me then lying was to not go to hockey that week and it was all forgotten about the next day.

SS14 is a little easier to deal with. He only yells as he is playing XBOX and occasionally smarts off. Granted I do believe SS15 has an issue. I've narrowed it to either Asperger's or Narcissist Disorder. I've told DH he needs to get back in counseling and see what can be done to help him develop into an adult normally. He blew me off. He has no friends and wants to stay right beside his Dad's side all the time.

I've tried to just hold on to he will be gone to college in 2 years and it'll get better. But really I don't think he will get in or he will never want to leave this nice life style his Dad has for him. That putting my own kids walking on eggshells everytime they come over. Is anyone else experiencing what I do and how are they coming?