The Olive Branch is Dead Unfortunately
So I extended the Olive Branch. Organized and helped SD make a mothers day present that was thoughtful and caring. BM knows I did so and told SD she LOVED it. So i thought, cool, maybe this can be the new chapter.
Recently there was a school play and I attended with DH. BM was there, and pretended like I wasn't, she just ignored me and refused to look at me or DH. Even the rest of her family was very cold to DH even though he said a warm and friendly "hello".
So it's not that I regret doing what I did. BM doesn't know me, doesn't want to and will continue to hate me for no reason. I'm at peace with that now, knowing that the hate is 100% hers and I have nothing to do with it. I am a good person. I feel like I don't have to feel any guilt anymore about my role if any, in a hostile situation. I can just be positive about my life and unfortunately, she has chosen to not be a nice person. I don't have to hold out any hope for that to change anymore either. So in all, I still feel better.
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Good for you , you are the
Good for you
, you are the better person. Its her own insecurity, that hold her back. That is her problem not yours.
you also showed your SD a good lesson
Awww I'm sorry that happened
Awww I'm sorry that happened to you. We've all been whacked a time or two by the olive branch we've extended. Sux, but at least you made the effort, and it shows your character! Good for you!
Yay!! I bet it's nice to feel
Yay!! I bet it's nice to feel that way! I too considered doing something like helping the kids do something for Mother's Day...then we ended up not having the kids for as long on the day I was going to do it. Oh well.
I always think if I kill her with kindness at least she won't have any (real) reason to dislike me or talk bad about me.
Good for you!
Sounds like another resentful
Sounds like another resentful BM who just wants to hate us for no reason. Even when we only want whats best for SD/SS they still seem to find some reason to dislike us.
Last year my bf and I went to SD5 school sports day. We took some photos and at the end I said hi to BM and asked her if she wanted to look at the pictures..she said no and gave me a funny look. I told my bf and he wanted to say something to her but I told him not to as I didnt want her to know it got to me. At the end of the day if she'd rather dislike me than see pictures of her own daughter then that's her problem not mine.
Well done for being able to accept that she's the one with the problem..its easier to say than do as I'm sure you know.
A couple years ago, when I
A couple years ago, when I was still new to this "step" world, I would have done what you did. But, since my efforts were largely unappreciated, and the fact that I don't care much for BM as a person, I steer away from doing anything above and beyond for her. This year, all I did was remind SS that Mother's Day was coming up and that he should make her a card. His stepdad (BM's new hubby), the materialistic money grubbing freak that he is, took it to the extreme and once again purchased an expensive gift for mother's day "from SS to BM" (insert MASSIVE eye roll).
For Mother's Day 2-years ago
For Mother's Day 2-years ago (3 days before court...lol!) I had put together a couple of collage frames...1 for each skid. I used some pics of just the skid over the years, & some were of BM with the skid. When BM left DH with the kids, she didn't take any of their pics with her. I thought it'd be nice for her to be able to have a few of those pics with her kids as babies, & to have some of them from the years she didn't see them. In one of the windows, I printed a poem about mothers & each skid got to write a message to her on the card. They were really excited about having something to give her that would mean so much to her, & they were excited about being able to be part of it. I helped skids wrap them & they took them home to her. I wasn't sure how she would react, but was hoping it would maybe help diffuse some of the harsh feelings. I was hoping she would notice that I was recognizing her position as their mother...that I'm not trying to push in or step on toes. She never made mention of it to DH or myself. We saw her in court 3 days later & she has skids with her. SD came over to give DH a hug & said, "My momma really liked the pictures you made for her. It even made her cry."
I figured if she wanted to stay bitter even beyond the effort I made, it was her choice. The kids felt happy about being able to give her something meaningful, & they were glad that I was willing to take the time to help them do something special for her. I figure that's a point for me.
I noticed she put them up on her living room wall. I saw them in the background of one of her FB pics. If she can't appreciate them, she can suffer looking at them everyday knowing I did something nice for her.
See, that is so beautiful.
See, that is so beautiful. That is such a nice thing. I don't understand how a person could not be joyful enough, if they were moved to tears, to express the smallest measure of gratitude. It's common manners for god's sake. If a stranger holds open a door, I would think they would say "thank you". But someone does something heartfelt and beautiful for them, and they are hateful???
oh, welcome to my world. i
oh, welcome to my world. i have the exact same BM -- and went through the same process. a few years ago i stopped trying, because it really didn't matter what i did to make things easier or lighter between us. she still ignores me and pretends i don't exist (although she has no problem chit-chatting with my DH). the sad thing is that it affects the kids, and she can't see that.
I have a hard time figuring
I have a hard time figuring out what joy it brings to hate someone who is being nice to you. I don't get it... I wish I could stop trying to 'get it', I have to assume she is sick in the head.
Just understand that she may
Just understand that she may never acknowledge you. Doing so may send her over the deep end...because then she has to be honest with herself and the role you play in her child's life.
As long as you are doing it from an honest place, without the intent of pissing BM off in some way, you can know that YOU are the one that can hold your head high. Trying to extend an olive branch to someone who is hateful and mean can be very difficult, and the fact that you would do it for the sake of a child...you have a lot of integrity.
Thank you, I do feel better.
Thank you, I do feel better. I did do it from a completely good place. I just really wanted to try and say "Hey, things can be ok between us."
It kind of stings still. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because it was an honest intention, and it was trampled on. I can't really figure out why I feel so dissapointed because I knew it was a likely possiblity.
OMG this post speaks to my
OMG this post speaks to my heart! SD2's BM is identical to your BM. No matter what I do she finds a way to be hateful. When FH's mom cam into town last week to visit, she had the nerve to walk in to my house(FH doesn't even allow her in the house because of her attitude) and not even say a simple "hello" to me...AND I ANSWERED THE DOOR!!! :jawdrop: I just worry that one day SD2 is going to pick up on it and A) follow BM's footsteps or B)figure out her mom can be a bitter nutcase. And def just keep staying positive Just laugh at the silly things she does because if you think about it, it's quite a riot. Sometimes we have to laugh to keep from crying..