Losing my mind
So my SD 9 has a big problem with women. She is nasty to BM, nasty to her grandmother and I just try to stay on her good side. She worships her dad and needs to spend every second with him during her visitations including cuddling with him to fall asleep on a mattress on the floor next to our bed because she refuses to sleep in her own room.
I am underweight due to extreme anxiety she causes. I made a microwave pizza and she is always asking for pieces of my food with her dirty hands and she takes bites out of it. It's gross! I said she could have the whole thing and my DH made things worse when she said she just wanted a bite. Then she screams at me What is your problem?! At that point since she is typically nasty I tried to walk upstairs to remove myself from the situation. My DH yells for me to be mature and come back downstairs. Really??? She is here until tomorrow and I am about to lose it with both their disrespect. I'm trying to be nice until she leaves tomorrow...if he doesn't keep her another day after that which I will lose my mind.
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If she is hungry, your
If she is hungry, your husband can make her something to eat.
Asking for your food is rude (as well as screaming at you), your husband should be teaching her better.
My husband would never have expected me to give his daughter a bite of my food, that's gross, she's not my kid.
Your husband is treating you
Your husband is treating you as if you were a child too. Time to explain the difference between a daughter and a wife. Does he think his brat's appalling behavior is normal...? Cos it isn't.
This is crazy, everyone is
This is crazy, everyone is afraid of a 9-year-old?
Next time tell her NO, I don't share my food. And tell your DH to shove it when he blames you.
These a-holes often really
These a-holes often really don't understand that your feelings about their kids might differ from theirs. Just because he might have no problem eating a pizza slice that his kid took a bite out of and held with dirty hands, he feels like you should be ok with it too. Gross. And because she is sweet and affectionate to him and he loves her presence, he can't fathom why you would be irritated by it. He does not sound like a joy to be married to.
Thank you
Thank you for all your feedback. I try to disengage and they pull me back in as evidenced by him yelling for me to come downstairs. Then she hugs me goodbye 3 times which makes me uncomfortable. They went to the pool and I said I wasn't coming. I am trying to disengage from her. It is a bad situation and I have talked to my husband about separation or divorce. I also told him if he ever got custody of her he needs to move out of my house because I refuse to live with her full time. She is not medicated. Her outbursts toward her father stopped. She idolizes him. She is wicked to her BM and to me. But she loves her BM. To me she is just hateful but always expecting me to give her attention. I am very close to walking away from this marriage.
You came back downstairs when
You came back downstairs when he told you?! WHY?
Yuck!
SD takes bites out of your food! Yuck.
I never allowed that with my bios.
If you want some, ask politely before I start eating. Get a plate and I'll cut you a piece. No one bites into the food I am eating.
The person who needs maturity is your H. He needs to realize that not everyone, almost no one other than himself, is ok with others biting into their food. SD knows better. She has attended school and knows she can't bite into others food in the cafeteria. SD is seeing how much she can get away with, and her dad is enabling that.
Gross! Just gross. She sounds
Gross! Just gross. She sounds so rude and nasty. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's absolutely infuriating, especially when DH doesn't care to correct it. My SD is rather feral and sounds exactly like this. I thought it would improve as she got older but it got worse. My SD has had fake nails permanently since she was 10 and they are really long. She sits and licks trapped food out from behind them constantly. Then she was digging around in the pantry and while snacking I discovered she had blood trapped in her nails from her time of the month. I literally had to throw out half our brand new groceries that she touched! I'm with everyone else on this RUN before it's too late.
While this feral child is
While this feral child is very concerning my bigger issue is that your DH yells at you after she behaves in an unacceptable way.
No one should be sharing food in these times, but more importantly if that is a personal boundary for you, your husbands job is to enforce that on his kid. Not get mad at you for having a boundary.
I am sorry to say but this does not sound like a relationship that will be able to survive long term unless he is willing to make big changes. Since he can't even get her to sleep in her own room, I suggest you separate. I am not even going to say divorce but you should get your own place for your health, safety and sanity. If he can make those changes, great! Move back in together. If not, file for divorce.