Hey. Thanks everyone for your help. I posted on here a couple of times because having trouble getting SD motivated to get a job and move out  I came on here and someone suggested if she was as damaged as I said (and she is) that she might need some help with an apartment, etc. Well, in my stressed out state of mind - it's silly, I know - I couldn't come up with this idea on my own.  I found a cheap, no frills place, she got a part time job, we bought a few groceries and some essentials and gave her the boot.  And not letting her back in. The advice reminded me I am in a position to be helpful and give her the boost she needs to get out. But she's got to make the second month rent herself and will require her to either work this month OR find a new place that live that's not here  

We have had tears, manipulation, cajoling, and lies this weekend and I'm so exhausted, but we have an official launch!!! Lift off!!!!

One thing I was actually quite shocked about is how many people quickly jumped in to tell me my DH was the issue and I should leave. It's true that we haven't been on the same page and he is struggling with the daddy-guilt. But I don't think the first step should be a mean threat or even to jump ship. My DH needed my help to see the enabling. While we weren't on the same page entirely, we are now. As we moved through the process my SD kept messing up in her anxiety-mess and spilled the beans on a couple of big lies. And he began to see it was time. I did mention she's pushing 30 but there is a little  more back story thay I didn't go into. You know, privacy..... what if she's also googling step family and comes across this? Anyways ..... a kind reminder that step family life is super hard but maybe don't always suggest jumping ship as a first resort. I kinda like my DH ......even with his somewhat overly soft heart at times.  
 

Thanks again everyone!