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Am I at peace with my situation or is this the “three year hump”

amommy91's picture

Submitted by amommy91 on Wed, 02/12/2020 - 4:59pm

Hi! New here. 
I became a step mom on accident...I think most of us did lol. We fell in love and there was baggage. Mine came with a meth addicted ex fiancé of my current fiancé which also brought along my wonderful stepson who I STRUGGLE with. I think the shock of the ex and her state in this whole thing has been tough. I'm a full time mom to a child who isn't mine. We have full custody. The mom is in jail. We have been through a lot...we were both not adults or at least acting like it when we met so we have struggled with feeling like we aren't being the best parents we can be. Stepson has got to be minimum ADHD but could span that. I mean...his mom was on meth and you can say "where was the dad". I agree. But he was playing professional baseball so it happened and now we are here. But it's been rough. 
I have been realizing lately that my friends aren't good for me when I'm going through this. That no one actually understands what it's like to be a stepmom unless they go through it. I could talk all day on how rough and exhausting it is to be a stepmom...I'm sure we all think about how crazy it'll be when there are no kids at home anymore lol. 
I felt alone for a long time. Went into a deep depression and a big personal struggle with myself and my own beliefs which have been challenged. I just hope this reaches someone and that they know they're not alone, there is a light and no things do not get any easier...but you adapt and become stronger as a woman. 

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 02/12/2020 - 6:56pm

I became a step mom on purpose. But this is never a one-size-fits-all roll. Disney Dads, HCUGMs, PAS, skids who rebel against Daddy or Mommy having a new partner... the list is neverending. 

There are plenty who have found their best course is to let the chips fall where they may. The skids are not OUR kids, so as long as they're not being abused, let the bio parents parent, be it a good job or a crappy one.

amommy91's picture

Submitted by amommy91 on Thu, 02/13/2020 - 12:15pm

Good way to look at it. I have been now telling 8 year old SS he needs to deal with situations with his father. Although i don't parent like he does...and we have our own son together now it's been hard to let him parent completely but I think that's what I need to be mentally stable at this point. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Wed, 02/12/2020 - 9:51pm

Has your SS been evaluated? If not, he needs to be. If he truly has ADHD, or other issues, the sooner you know and can get him the appropriate therapies, the better off your life will be.

amommy91's picture

Submitted by amommy91 on Thu, 02/13/2020 - 12:12pm

My fiancé says that he is worried about getting him diagnosed because of himself being put on medication as a child and it not going well for him...so although I have brought it up MULTIPLE times nothing has been done. I've joined my own support groups for ADHD but it's a challenge and there are some days I want to run away from this life honestly lol but I keep trucking along because I am "mommy" but I don't know if it'll ever be resolved. I told my stepson the other day that if he is struggling he needs to go talk to his dad and ask for help but my hands are tied at this point.