Regret Steplife - vent
After almost 6 years of marriage to DH, making me a stepmom to SS28, SD20, SS16 with 2 BMs (1 a wonderful lady, the other a complete nightmare HCBM), I can honestly say, I am not cut out for this. I absolutely hate being powerless in my own home. I hate having some nightmarish BM inject drama and chaos in my life - just because she feels like it. There are so many little and big things I don't like about step life, but the core of it, I absolutely hate the HCBM and how my DH doesn't put her in her place. I hate being second to some other woman.
The kids are kinda the easiest thing about steplife. But they go as their mom goes. Their mom likes me, they like me. Their mom hates me, they hate me. Its so exhausting on so many levels. I wish someone pulled me aside years ago and was like - hold up, this steplife is CRAZY SH*T, AVOID, AVOID! Nobody has any idea what they are getting into - I had NO idea it would be like this. The first 4 years were VERY rough. In hindsight, I have no idea how I survived. Then the COVID years, it was kinda 'peaceful-ish'. But the chaos and crazy are ramping back up and I just don't have the will to withstand the bullsh*t again. I'm exhausted from it.
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Exhausting is the only way to
Exhausting is the only way to describe it. I honestly hate BM and both of my Skids. They come to our house just to cause drama and act like babies (and they are in their late teens, so no excuse anymore).
I feel for you
I think, and others may disagree, that you need to make your DH more afraid of your reaction than the HCBM's. Because you are a sane human being it is easier to upset you than to stand up to Crazy. Completely not fair.
Yeah, I agree with you in
Yeah, I agree with you in theory. But there is no way I can but most importantly want to match the craziness I'm up against. I already spend so much of my life absorbing things that make me uncomfortable. I don't have the energy to commit to being someone I'm not and making him fear my reaction more than hers.
Get the book Boundaries by
Get the book Boundaries by Cloud asap! You are absorbing things that are not yours. The book will spell it out for you.
I agree. Don't change
I agree. Don't change yourself to counter crazy. Leave crazy. Seriously, that is the only thing you can do. Don't waste your life putting up with this crap!
Move away
Same same, totally relate. We moved away for my job, all grown step kids not once came to visit. We have since moved again - for my job and are considerably closer to them. Only one has made it a point to come visit. DH seems to finally be coming to his freaking senses that IT IS OK if they don't visit. But the distance and temporal separation has helped a lot!!!! Oh and we blocked the BM. They are all old enough to communicate