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What kind of person are you? This is actually On topic! :)

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:36pm

The other night I spoke to two of my friends that I hadn't talked to in a very long time. I remember why I stopped talking to them now........after about a year of not talking nothing has changed. I sat on the phone and I listened to them talk my ear off for about a hour each about all of their problems. Not ONCE did either of them ask me how things have been going for me.

It made me stop and look around at my place within most of my relationships. I'm the listener, the fixer. Anyone I know can dump all their hardships on me and I help them to fix the problems.

I can't think of anyone, other than my mom, that I can call to fuss about my own life.

This is honestly one of the two places I can come to do that. Though granted, I don't feel as comfortable here as I once did thanks to the member that is in harass everyone mode, so I tend to not blog that much anymore. BUT.......

It got me to thinking and wondering if this is common in us step mothers?

Is this how your relationships are?

Do you think to even consider being a step mother that we are genetically hardwired to be the "listener" and the "fixer"?

Comments

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:43pm

In RL, I am the fixer, which is why this place has been a GOD-SEND for me. I am able to come her and just DUMP, and people actually LISTEN.

I truly hope that I can continue to do so here. Sometimes there are only "listeners" even here. When you are trying to spill your guts and a post is hijacked by the "whoa is me, I have it SOOO much worse than you" when all I really wanted was for someone to tell me I am not crazy.

Not sure that being a Stepmom had anything to do with it for me... I have always been the "fixer". But I can see how this position would almost FORCE one to be at times.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:47pm

Ok - I know you guys are talking about me as the bad seed. Tail between legs and begging for forgiveness.

"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:50pm

Silly SVS, you are far from a bad seed.

I didn't mean to turn this post that way. I am just saying that this place has really helped me because normally I am the "fixer" and it is nice to get things off my chest sometimes. And you all (mostly) allow me to. Without taking over the conversation with your WHOA's. With the exception of a few. I can understand when someone is directly connecting with the OP, but sometimes people completely turn a post into something it wasn't... kinda like I am doin now.

***ashamed***

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 9:05am

delete

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:53pm

SVS, you are silly! Smile

But you are no bad seed my friend.

This place is, well was, a great place to have people actually listen. It's a miracle to be able to come some where and write out all of your emotional baggage and have people listen, and want to help YOU for a change!!

And Dis, lady please. You are right on track with what you were saying. It's not taking the blog off course, it's true.

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 9:05am

delete

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:49pm

I'm not as miss.fixit as I used to be. I realize it is good enough to just be miss.fixitsometimes Wink I think I give and take on listening...I listen a bit then I want to be listened to. It's a balance. I think lots of sm's are miserable bc they try to be miss.fixitallthetime and the perpetual shoulder for cryers.

NachoMama's picture

Submitted by NachoMama on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:50pm

I am the listener but I would not call myself the fixer...I try to offer advice but that has bitten me in the behind before so I tend to just listen and keep my mouth shut. I don't really have anyone to vent to either...my friends (most of them) are "It's all about me" people. I do have a select few that I can go to. My mom is my sounding board for the most part.

****I can do bad all by myself****

unhappy2happy's picture

Submitted by unhappy2happy on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:17pm

I am the listener, fixer... I tend to want to make everyone happy... And in doing that I am learning that I can't fix everyones problems.. There really is no one in my life that I vent to except my one sister and at times I don't feel comfortable talking to her either... So this is where I come when I need some advice or just need some encouragement...Thanks Girls ♥

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:20pm

Hey how did you do that cute little heart at the end of thanks girls?

I'm def. the listener and fixer. Except here and on my favorite site. On my favorite site everyone knows me and my family, I know them and their family, and they listen to me. It's great!!!!!

I've just always wondered if it's something in our genes that make us even debate being a step mom! Smile

unhappy2happy's picture

Submitted by unhappy2happy on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:24pm

BMJen, Cute Little Heart type as follows: ♥ then hit enter and wala a cute little heart...

Sorry that didn;t work type the & then type hearts, the the semi colon.. No spaces then hit enter

unhappy2happy's picture

Submitted by unhappy2happy on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:30pm

BMJen, my SD had to explain it to me too... type the & sign, then type the word hearts, then type the semicolon ; Don't hit the space bar type it all together the the little heart appears ♥ when you hit the enter key or in this case the post comment key.

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:31pm

I don't get it either.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

LMR120's picture

Submitted by LMR120 on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:23pm

Did you ever
think that maybe
you brought this on
yourself

Maybe you shouldnt
be so kind to others

Thats why Im not
I have better
things to do

HA HA HA

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:29pm

Now you're speaking my language, and THAT I like!

haha

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

Selkie's picture

Submitted by Selkie on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 6:24pm

I listen but never really have anything worthwhile to offer in the way of advice. Sometimes all it takes is someone to actively listen to give them a chance to sort things out on their own. I've got the "uh uh?" and "oh really?" down to an art form.

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 7:04pm

BM Jen, you've described me. Since turning 40, though, I've dropped "friends" like this. I've got enough of my own stuff to deal with. I don't mind listening and helping, but a few people would ignore my calls, be out of touch, and only call when there was a crisis, and never ask about me -- I'd never even get a chance to talk about what was going on with me!

Frienship is supposed to be a two way street.