They are being extremely insensitive. 

Next time, remind them that children are like farts, you don't mind your own ... but other people's?

It's hurtful to all of us who weren't born first, too! As if first children are the more important ones. Bet they wouldn't say that to a woman having her third child with the same man. "Bet this baby doesn't really matter to you, huh?"  WTF?

...no joy there. They are nothing to me. But when it comes to one's real kids, I totally disagree with the first being more special than the rest. Each of my three kids is my pride and joy. The birth of each of my 2 DD's and my DS was the greatest day of my life; one cannot compare to the other it is infinite and immeasurable. I cannot imagine it would be possible to feel that kind of love for anyone but your own children.

or relationships, they could have had 3 or 4 kids but never experienced what they truly get with the right partner.

my husbands ex was a manipulative narcissist who abused them regularly and had her family threaten to kill hubby multiple times. Exwife was pregnant 4 times (1 miscarriage- which hubby found out was an abortion she did covertly to avoid getting pregnant by him), every pregnancy hubby was not allowed to attend any dr appointments or scans, the day she was admitted to hospital for each of those 3 kids started and ended in a screaming match in her arriving at hospital and telling the drs and nurses “to get the baby out now and do a friggin csection because she didn’t want to have to deal with labor and pushing a baby out”

hubby told her csections weren’t done for the heck of it because people majority do it for medical complications or issues, 3rd delivery she screamed at dr and told him to get her tubes tied. Hubby looked at the dr and said do whatever.

hubby knew at that moment he was going to divorce her and had no motivation for any sex life with her. He stayed married another 4 years before initiating divorce where she went on project psycho alienation.

both my pregnancies with hubby, hubby attended every single appointment. The first scan of our daughter he was teary eyed and so happy. He told his sister the day i gave birth to our eldest that it was such a new experience for him. He said i was crying through the pain and the moment bubs came out i acted like everything was ok, no pain and walking like normal that I didn’t look like someone who hadn’t showered in over a day or slept properly for 2 days

quantity isn’t everything but quality is. Even my husband has told his niece and nephew’s the big difference in the kids raised in his country and my country and that he saw a big difference between his eldest 3 and my 2.

every child i have is special and an emotional ride. There is no such thing as my first is way more special or important than my 2nd or subsequent ones. As normal sane humans,  we grow with love every child we have or spouse/partner we settle with. 

I mean if 1st kids are special does that mean your first partner or spouse is more special than subsequent ones? Of course not!!

same thing as ex-spouses claiming they deserve everything from ex-spouses estate because they were married the longest because quantity isn’t everything but the quality...

Wow not only are those people rude, they're just plain wrong. I'm pregnant with my 2nd, and my husbands 3rd, and we're over the moon. Not only that, but DH expressed to me so many times over the past year just how different pregnancy, childbirh and parenting is with the right person.

Truth be told, he probably barely remembers his exes pregnancy and the first months. Not saying that to downplay their first childs birth, thats just the reality of it! There's so many unknowns, what ifs, hormones, sleep deprivation and just so much going on that the human mind, with time, shreds out some of the memories (hence why some of us do this crazy thing over again!) and all you remember are bits and pieces. The whole thing gets more and more a blur the further away you get from it, and of course you remember you felt excited, but very specific memories can sometimes fade with time.

At any rate, because of that, don't spend any time during your pregnancy worried your DH isn't enjoying it with you and that it isn't as special. It is, and those people saying otherwise are just rude or maybe trapped in their own misery. There's nothing like seeing and holding your child for the first time, that is very true-- and it will ring true with your DH when he holds the baby he made with the women he loves and who is the right partner and parent duo for him.

I had similar fears as you going into my first pregnancy and can tell you it was all for nothing, it was me getting into my own head and letting a few rogue commentsfrom strangers get to my core. Don't let that happen to you!

You know there's something that I did that really changed the game.

Once you come out to your co-workers and tell them that you're there DESPITE his children, they'll never run their mouths again. Once you say it to his parents, they won't "expect" things out of you. The expectations will go back on the bio-mom, where it belongs. It's very liberating.

I feel that even the term step-"parent" is inappropriate and misleading. If I wanted to be the parent, I would be pushing to adopt the kid. I'm not. These kids have "parents". We are not one of them.

My situation is different in that I have no bio children so did not face the "his versus ours" issue but I did deal with the "isn't it wonderful that you have children now" on a regular basis as if I were fundamentally defective until I was blessed with the skids' presence in my life.  (pardon me while I excuse myself to wretch a moment....there...all better now)   Years ago with a particularly well-meaning but persistant group it took a forceful "they are not my f*cking children!" before they would stop.  Nothing else said in a more tactful way penetrated their social programming.  It caused a permanent rift with them and that is a shame but they were far more invested in who they wanted me to be than who I really was anyway.  Sometimes you just have to speak the truth and if people can't handle it then that is their problem.  Good luck to you and congratulations on the baby!

I must be lucky that no one has ever said or implied anything like this to me, and I have no bio children. 

I'd say to my coworker, with tears in my eyes:

"You don't think my DH will love my first biological child the same as his others? That breaks my heart, and breaks my heart for my child who has to live knowing that their father doesn't love them as much. Thank you for ruining my day by making me feel like I have doomed my child to not be as special or important than their older brother/sister."

Then quietly turn around and ignore them. Sometimes dishing people with their own truth makes them rethink their stance. Or, it at least gets them to stop talking about it in front of you.

Or take a more direct approach:

"This conversation makes me uncomfortable. I don't appreciate you talking about my pregnancy and family, and I find it incredibly rude that you'd say such things when you know this is my first child. As you have no experience with step life and blended families, I kindly ask that you refrain from making comments about mine."

You work with a bunch of a$$holes!

Does the guy who made the comment about the first child even have more than one kid? What a dumb thing to say. Dont take that to heart, everyone's experience is different and that's a HUGE blanket statement he made. Emotionally, my second pregnancy/birth was the best. And as far as raising the kids, it's very different when it's with the right person. I love them all the same, its just that circumstances were better with one then the other two.

As far as the comments about them being your kids, my go to now is to frame it as "they have a mom and dont want me to try to replace her and I have no desire to try to replace her." It shuts people up better than just "no they arent my kids."

People really don't think when they open up their mouths and say such stupid sh!t. Like do they really listen to what they say? I never did understand the " this is not my partners 1st, just his 3rd, there is nothing new for him". This pregnancy is not the same as the rest because it's with you and no two pregnancies are a like anyway.

I had my H"s 3rd child and let me tell you, it was the most special moment in his life because it was with me and he didn't have to go through all the bullshit that he endured with his X's. It was a different experience and one he cherishes.

Do not allow these "friends" to rob you of your joy in bringing this precious child to the world. People can be so insensitive and to be honest try your hardest not to take their ignorance personal. Its not about you but their lack of awareness. If they haven't walked in your shoes, they will NEVER understand. I'd keep away from them as much as possible to give yourself some peace of mind.

Wishing you a healthy and speedy delivery.

I have four children. I don’t have favourites, but am able to enjoy the two younger ones a bit more as I was a bit of a clueless mum twenty years ago, and all the hormonal imbalance/sleepless night thing was new to me. Forth time around I was ‘who needs sleep anyway’. 

Its not nice though when in laws, family etc treat subsequent kids as afterthoughts, or second best to ‘step kids’.

my point is maybe he was so stressed out first time around that this may be a more enjoyable experience for him this time (and therefore all of you).

I just had my first and my husband's second. He loves her so much because he loves me and we are a healthy team rather than he and his cheating ex. For one he KNEW from the start this was his child. And he may already be a parent but a lot changes and he is still brand new about some things and this baby. The difference is love.

I think he secretly loves this baby more because she is a mini me and SD12 is a mini BM and becoming just as nasty. He would never call SD a mistake but if you read between the lines she was a mistake. He was not happy when he found out about BMs pregnancy.

You're fine, the co-workers are dicks. Your husband will love this baby just as much, maybe more. This time he can get it right as he learned from his mistakes. 

Even when sharing amongst other step parents they might be "living the dream" or convincing themselves they are. I refer the skids as my husband's kids or my son's siblings. I think it started more as a unintentional way to protect myself (their BM doesn't do well with competion), I am my husband's support and his wife.  I don't consider myself a "bonus mom" or them my "bonus kids", they are very lovely and I care for them but I'd kill for my son. 
 

I don't have many work friends and I like keeping them at an arms length. I'm also a heavy guarded introvert in sales, so I'm exhausted just doing my job. 
 

I never asked my hubby if the birth of our son compared to his first bc I don't want to know honestly. I did threaten his life while pergo that I never wanted to know ANYTHING about BM and how her pregnancies were EVER!!! Was it the hormones or did I just run with it to be brutally honest? I'm not sure to be honest. 
 

Not sure where my rant was going but F&$! them, you don't owe anyone an explanation of the complexities of a blended family dynamic, hell half is of us don't know where we stand most days. I know my blood pressure gets elevated when the BM calls but, her nasally monotone voice sends me to fight or flight mode for no reason in particular.