I'm so confused
So to start, dh and I have always had issues when it came to disciplining his son. Hes very defiant and just thinks he doesnt have to listen to me. Well with this and the years of dealing with it my dh seems to think that I just pick on him to be mean, he thinks that if ss does something hes not supposed to be doing it should be addressed to all the children (we have 5 all together). Now since it's been a while I feel like my dh picks on my son just because, for example he asked my son to make a xmas list for his mother, well my son put socks on his list, my husband made the comment "the kid put socks on his list, if he'd change them everyday he wouldn't have holes in them" - I just got my son new socks and they dont have holes in them, its because my ss takes his, I've told dh this before and gotten the comment of "how do you know he takes them?" I'm just at a lost, this is becoming an everyday thing were dh makes snide comments in reference to myself or my son. It's even getting to the point where dh acts like he doesnt even like to be home. A part of me feels like dh just doesnt care anymore, it makes me feel like there is some infidelity going on. He acts like ss doesnt do anything wrong and act like he just doesnt care. He does shady stuff, like I caught him in our laundry room with the door closed & light on with no laundry in there. I'm not sure if hes just trying to get away from the kids or what, & I'm not sure what to do agian.
You need to stand up for your
You need to stand up for your son.. and get him away from that bully of a husband. Whether your criticisms of his son are correct or not.. you don't seem to have a great relationship with your DH and he seems "checked out". It isn't fair to your son to let him be picked on like this.
Is this a relationship you
Is this a relationship you want to stay in?
Hmmmm,
it sounds like there's something more to this situation than the kids. Can you have a heart to heart with your dh? Although you have 5 kids, is there a way you could spend a little time alone with dh to see what is really the issue and to just reconnect? You might want to try having weekly family meetings to discuss what's going on with everyone (school, activities), family plans, and discipline/rules. You get the idea. This would be the forum to bring up topics that all the kids need to hear. If the 16yo ss refuses to attend, then, there's your clue to disengage from him and let dh handle ss from now on.
Ss is 10, we've tried tyw
Ss is 10, we've tried tyw weekly meetings and such and it seemed to work in the beginning but turned into pointing fingers. Over the holiday ss got away with so much rude behavior that my son would have gotten in trouble for. Everytime dh and I speak about the issues I'm always the one at fault. Sure I do mess up and maybe I should rethink some things but it's not all me. I brought up family counseling and dh is ok with that but in the sense I'm worried it will still be put on me. And for the record I tried to disengage from ss which was starting to work but dh was letting him get away with way too much and dd7 and s4 were picking up on it.
Time do smack DH in the face
Time do smack DH in the face with the facts regarding his own behavior and the behavior of his child. Zero tolerance for DH's crap and the crap of SS.
Start buying a specific brand of socks for your DS. Buy a different brand for SS. That way when SS steals your DS's socks it is an unequivocal fact that DH has his nose rubbed in.
As for DH's sneeky crap, call him on that too. If it looks like a dog, barks like a dog and smell like a dog it is a dog. DH's behaviors are sending a pretty clear message that you need to take and act on. Inform DH that his behaviors are not acceptable and he either ends them immediately or the relationship ends.
Good luck.