“Sharing”
I spent the weekend away while my SO stayed home with our daughters DD1 and SD4. Everything seemed to have gone smoothly both girls were happy when I got home, but one thing he did that really gets under my skin is allow our 4 year old to start playing with my 1 year olds toys. I know it seems like it’s not a huge deal but my SD basically is entitled to EVERYTHING in the house because he won’t set boundaries. My DDs toys were the only thing my daughter had that was actually hers. He told me he wants them to start being able to share which I completely agree with but did he move any of SD toys into the common area for DD? F@ck no. It’s just my DD who has to share with the 4 year old. My DD has only little baby toys and it feels absolutely ridiculous for a 4 year old to sit around and play with baby toys all day long. It’s so frustrating especially since I already have problems with SD snatching toys from DD. Now every toy in this house belongs to SD.
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I'm confused a little "our"
I'm confused a little "our" daughter.. is that SD?
There is a perfectly logical reason why your DD1 shouldn't be playing with SD4's toys. Toys have recommended ages and while kids can play "down" in age.. they shouldn't play "up" in age for safety reasons.
I think it's nice that your DH is fostering a sense of sisterhood between his girls. Of course, she should not be allowed to snatch toys.. that's part of learning to share.. and at 4yo.. she obviously is still immature herself and that may take time for her to be perfect at that. the kids should be supervised obviously.
I understand the age gap but
I understand the age gap but my SD has plenty of age appropriate toys such as stuffed animals and baby dolls that they could both play with. I watch mostly DD when they play together because she has a tendency to fall over. I absolutely love they are learning to share it just feels one sided in my opinion because SD refuses to let DD play with anything that is hers.
So.. SD can play with your DD
So.. SD can play with your DD's stuffed animals.. but not vice versa? And.. you are absolutely certain that the age of those other toys are suited for infants.. because lots of stuffed toys and baby dolls aren't.
The ones I would let her play
The ones I would let her play with yes especially under supervision.
Have you asked your husband
Have you asked your husband why he won't allow that? but expects your DD to share hers?
Maybe he isn't up for micromanaging that decision on what can and can't be around a 1 yo?
Ultimately, when YOU are around.. by all means.. encourage sharing both ways
This isnt about the toys
well it is...but it is so much more. Does it seem like your DH shows favourtism to the SD over your "ours" DD? I know they are young, so for now your DD would be unaware. But you arent, you need to be vigilant that DH doesnt play guilty daddy to the royal first. Your DD will notice that, and have low self esteem as a result if this isnt nipped in the bud.
I had this same issue with DH
I had this same issue with DH, he would not allow our bios to play with Spawn's toys (her door was closed when she wasn't there and nobody was allowed in or out...eye roll!) But they were expected to share with her and they got in trouble if they didn't.
Since my DH was being such a prick about it I implemented the toys in the room rule. Any toys in the kids rooms was off limits to the other kids, they were not allowed to play with those toys at all.
Imagine my DH's surprise when he found out this rule and how unfair it was and how it wasn't promoting the kids playing together or sharing. I pointed out his assbackwards logic that all of Spawn's things were off limits, but our kids were a free for all. This way if the toys were in the room nobody could have them but that kid.
Amazing how quickly he changed his tune and soon all the kids toys were in the playroom in a jumbled mess and the kids played happily with out much fighting. I mean they were still kids and I would still have to referee them, but by and large they stopped being so territorial about their stuff and shared.
Brilliant!
Brilliant!
I have the exact same problem
I have the exact same problem with SS11. DD2 has a play area in the den because she still sleeps in the room with us. sS11 has is own room with age appropriate toys and yet he’s constantly trying to play with Hers. Anything his is off limits though. He really aggravated me because I now know it’s just towards DD2. He has a picture blanket that he got for Christmas and every time she would touch it he would come grab it. Older SD was over a couple of weeks ago and he let her use it though. Since then he’s not allowed to touch anything else of DD2.
SS11 even goes as far as to go get his blanket and go lay in her play pen. There’s no tv or anything in that room so it’s just him being a butt.
Ive told him until she can play with his stuff or touch it then don’t touch anything if Hera
I have a SS10 that’s
I have a SS10 that’s overweight and he likes to sit on my 2 year old twins’ ride on toys while he watches tv. It’s so annoying but he actually is amazing with his little brothers in terms of entertaining them so I just make myself swallow the irritation.
An 11 year old in a play pen?
An 11 year old in a play pen? Hell no! What’s wrong with him? Those things aren’t meant to hold that much weight.
Tell him he needs to wear diapers if he wants to lie in the play pen. How utterly ridiculous!
Are your DD’s baby toys in a
Are your DD’s baby toys in a common area like the living room? I know for me I have a lot of kids and there’s no way I’d go dragging toys out of bedrooms if there was already toys the kids could play with in the living room.
Dad should help teach his kid to share
1. Seperate out toys not for kids under 3. His job to keep away from baby.
2. Tell SD4 it is ok to keep new toys in her room and not share.
3. Theere must be some toys that SD has not in 1 or 2, they should be shared.
Oh my.... you say this:
Oh my.... you say this:
"Dad should help teach his kid to share"
Followed by this:
"2. Tell SD4 it is ok to keep new toys in her room and not share."
You make as much sense as you always do....
Sharing
I think OK for a kid not to share new or favorite toys, but then those toys should not be trotted out in front of the younger child. Many older kids, even in intact families, are allowed to hold seperate some toys. Sharing does not mean all toys. many kids have legitimate complaints that a younger child can break their toys.
Honestly, this is why I don’t
Honestly, this is why I don’t buy toys that I anticipate to be shared for SD. I get her stuff I don’t expect her to share. I can’t even write her name as a joint gift on a package without her becoming a possessive monster. So SD generally got less on birthdays or Christmas, because in order for all the kids to share I had to address the package to my kids. I even explained my logic to DH and he agreed. My kiddos have no problem sharing with each other and SD too. They actually get excited on each other’s birthdays because they know the gifts are pretty much joint.