Hi everyone! I am so happy that I found this site. After reading the posts here I feel much better  and glad to know that I'm not the only person who struggles with even liking my soon to be stepkids. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We have lived together for about a year and we both have 50/50 custody.  He has two boys ages 9 and 10 and I have a 6 year old daughter and 10 year old son. I love my fiance to death. He is the most loving, wonderful man i have ever met. Our kids actually clicked right away and get along very well. Our 10 year old boys are literally best friends. But even though things seem great I am really struggling with this whole stepmom thing. I dont' know if I am cut out for this!! The BM is a nutcase. They have been divorced for 4 years but she still tries to control everything my SO does and wants to call the shots on everything. She hates me for absolutely no reason and has tried her hardest to make her boys hate me. Fortunately they actually really love me. But her craziness alone is very hard to deal with. 

Anyway, I feel like a terrible person sometimes. I know I should feel lucky that I have this great man, our kids get along great, and we've blended our families very smoothly. But to be honest, his kids drive me crazy. They are loud, obnoxious, have ZERO manners, no sense of responsibility and are just kind of lazy and gross. Both of my kids are very clean and responsible. They keep their rooms clean and are very well mannered. They both play sports and do very well in school. Meanwhile, his kids do absolutely nothing around the house. I laid down the law when we moved in together and told my SO his boys were going to have to start doing some chores and picking up after themselves. A year later they still don't do a damn thing without being reminded. It drives me crazy. So it's either I nag them about everything or the house is a freaking disaster. They get in trouble at school on a weekly basis and SO and BM just make excuses for them and blame other kids, the teachers, etc. Neither one of them is interested in anything except video games. They refuse to go outside and they have no friends. When we go out to dinner or anywhere else they bring along their ipads and headphones so they can game out the whole time. I know none of this should bother me this much but it does. They both really like me and want to hang out with me all the time but I can hardly stand to be around them. I just want to say to them look at BD and BS!! Can't you just TRY to act a little more like them?? 

SO says he "doesn't notice" their bad habits. We sit at the dinner table (both of them on their ipads) and both boys chew with their mouths wide open and make a huge mess all over the table. I have given up trying to correct them. Now it's just a matter of sitting there gritting my teeth and biting my tongue watching them eat like pigs and leaving a huge mess for SO to clean up. Because even after they are reminded to put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher they usually don't do it. I think it's unfair for my kids. They see how little these kids do and how much they get away with. SO buys them crap constantly and feels like he has to take them somewhere every single weekend and spend a ton of money because God forbid we just stay home and they have to entertain themselves. Ughhhh!!! Sometimes I think about moving into my own place again and telling SO to call me when these kids are 18 and move out!! Will this ever get better?!?!