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Son/stepson owes us money

Usefoolthings's picture

Submitted by Usefoolthings on Sat, 04/06/2019 - 3:53pm

This is my 3rd marriage of 30yrs. I have 4children and 2 stepchildren from previous marriages. My current wife has no children. I brought up 5 of the 6 children. My eldest son was divorced 3 yes ago and was made redundant. This led to him getting heavily in debt. We, amongst other members of the family lent him a large amount of money. He now has a new job which pays well and he has a new partner. He pays child maintenance for his 2 children. He has agreed to pay back the loans in monthly installments but keeps missing the payments with no explanation. This is causing problems between my wife and I as she thinks I'm being to soft with him. O don't want to lose either my wife or my son and feel torn between them. Help!

Comments

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Sat, 04/06/2019 - 4:42pm

Either you take him to small claims court or excuse the money, consider it a gift and dont bring it up again. Make sure you minus his owed amount in any money he may had received in your will.

 

Is there a promise to pay letter?

NEVER EVER co-sign or lend money again.

 

 

 

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Sat, 04/06/2019 - 7:05pm

TIme to put your big boy pants on and have a man-to-man conversation with him. Ask him straight up when will he have your money? Tell him the monthly installments isn't working and you will need it paid back in full. Heck you can even lie and say you need it for something like home remodel if you want to take off the bite. But you need to get it all back. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sat, 04/06/2019 - 8:36pm

If you are not actively pursuing getting your loan repaid - contacting your son every time he misses a payment, asking what his intentions are with respect to that payment, asking him to sign a promissory note with a specific payment schedule if he hasn't already, working with him on a budget if he is for some reason truly unable to meet the monthly payments, and investigating taking him to court if he is not giving you the right answers, then your wife is right - you are being too soft on him.  For the sake of your marriage, you'd better come down hard on your deadbeat son and let him know that if he doesn't start making the agreed upon payments you will call the loan and pursue it in court.

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Sun, 04/07/2019 - 11:03am

He is an adult and he agreed to pay you back, so by not holding him accountable to what he agreed to, you are being too soft on him.

If you wanted to give your son money, then it should have been money that was yours outright, not joint money with your wife. She agreed to a loan, so she’s expecting it to be treated like a loan.

If you’re unable or unwilling to hold your son accountable to what he agreed to, then you need to find some way to pay back your wife. You have made the decision to allow your son to keep the money, she hasn’t.