Stressed to the limit on partners adult kids
Hi, i grew up with an amazing mother, no money but lots of love. My mother and i were best friends, when i turned 20 i had a beautiful daughter, when i was 21 my mum passed away in a car accident. I am now 42 and my daughter is my best friend. My daughter now 22 has her own acreage, works hard and runs her own business, she always visits and offers to help with anything.She has many friends and clients all over the country-i am so proud of her.
6 years ago i met my partner, he had 2 children, the girl is now 31 years old and the boy is 29 years old. He broke up with his wife when the kids were 15, blaming each other as they both wanted to work and both didnt want to stay home bringing up there children. They thought to fix there problems they bought there kids up by just throwing them money, in which they just partied.
So i met his children on day 1 with them being in trouble with the law. Mostly dd and resisting arrest in the streets. A ex girlfriend of my partner said, "those kids will break you up" . I thought i could help the girl,i let her move in with me( not long after my partner moved in) i got her a job with my boss, joined her up for netball , and she didnt comply. She just slept all day and all night in her room. She became extremely jelous of my daughter visiting and smashed stuff in my house and tore my mothers photos up hanging on my wall. She bought men home from pubs while i was sleeping, i eventually told her to leave. My partner just kept blaming it on her drug abuse and alcohol. He never pulled her into line.
So then they started visiting there dad, but never came over to see him. Just came over to ask for more money and he just kept giving them money. Everytime they smashed a car, he just kept buying them more cars. Every time they would go to court there mum and dad would get them off. They steal stuff from my house when im not home so i said to my partner they are not welcome over anymore, he would have to go out and visit them. Mummy and daddy recently purchased them a new home for them both as they kept getting kicked out of rentals.
A lot more stuff has happened and i had had enough. Now when im at work i find out there coming over still, i see beer bottles in my horse paddocks and cigarette butts on my lounge suite.They get what they want when they want cause daddy wont say no, she has threatened many times if they dont get it she will kill herself. She stares at me and puts cigarette burns in her arm. If im watching tv, she walks up and turns it of and her daddy says nothing, if i say something my partner carries on.
I have to deal with scum on the streets every night being a guard then i have to come home to this rubbish. Iv had enough. He is on the lease so i have to put up with it until the lease finishes so the owner can stop him signing a new one. So at the moment im in a waiting game thinking surely it cant get any worse.
But it has. The girl is having problems with the dole trying to make her work, as she has never worked a day in her life, so we get a phone call now from her saying shes pregnant--looks like our own bills wont be getting paid again cause daddy will support her kid.
Yoiu might not have to wait
Yoiu might not have to wait until the end of the lease to get rid of him. Check your local laws because you might be able to evict him.
Eviction
Hi, yes I did check, real-estate said he had just a legal right to stay on as I do. They will send him a form stating he will not be renewing a new lease there.i could move out to save the hassle but own all the horses and dogs so acreage is convenient for me.i have been there 10 years prior to him moving in.ta
If you are not
If you are not married there are no "our" bills unless you want them to be. You have what is in your name that you have to pay to keep your life going and that is it. If he chooses to spend his money on his child and does not have enough to pay for his car or credit cards or other living expenses then that is his problem. You may end up having to move at the end of the lease though. Asking the owner to get in the middle of your relationship and let you resign the lease while excluding the other tenant is a lot. It is not like he is going to take that well and just walk away. Depending on your laws he could sue the owner for discriminatory practices. Most people are not particularly eager to get that involved in someone else's life.
Susanm
Hi thanks. I just feel bad, we have the loans we both spent it on goods for both of us.they r in his name, but I would still like to put in even though we never married.i have been at the property for 10 years before he moved in. The owner lives next door and I get along with them exceptionally well. He told me to not let him resign lease. The owner wants me to stay on as we r good friends.the property is even in there will for me.just makes life hard hanging on, sometimes I just feel like moving out, but my animals are all set up there.i have spent thousands fencing and doing the property up for the animals.my partner is wonderful when the kids aren't around which isn't often.
Ah - so it isn't
Ah - so it isn't really a traditional rental. You actually have improved the property and would have rights in it. Is your partner aware that he will be leaving due to the fact that he can not keep his destructive adult children out? Perhaps giving him ample warning will allow him to "practice" for a while and demonstrate that he actually can do it. That might give your relationship a fighting chance. The other alternative would be a restraining order against them if they do anything that makes you feel physically threatened or if they destroy something of value of yours. Or the owners could get the order if they cause a disturbance on the property. They then would be arrested if they enter the property whether your partner gives permission or not. Obviously it would be best if your partner would simply recognize that his adult children, while he may love them, are not decent guests in his home and are destroying his relationship.
Susanm
Hi, thanks again. He does know it's because of his kids. He just replied to me they come first, .he also let me know I am not in his will( so I took his name of mine) he said the kids need the $ super and his stuff. I said it's our stuff. He replied you always have work, you don't need it. I was wild, everything I bought for him and us now goes to his kids . I'm really angry about the cars, I own the ute, he owns the 4 WD but he uses my ute for his work so we drove each other's cars for the past 2 years. He lends the ute to his kids and is now a bucket of crap.i have kept the 4 WD immaculate and now that's the car they get in his will as well.
Anyway won't matter when he leaves now, don't care who's in his will but I'll fight for the 4wd somehow.
He won't change car papers and I don't want the now crap ute back now.
I've been saving for a heap of steel and roofing for a roof for my horse stables and finally got them delivered. His son asked to have the steel, I said no, buy your own.iv been saving months for this stuff. My partner walked to the shed and took the steel to his sons house. Like I said whatever they want they get.
Good point, I could get a restraining order on them, I'm sure they'll be at my house Xmas day when there not allowed and hopefully there father will move out quicker then later. The daughter is crazy, I will see her on the news 1 night with murder charge on a innocent person or even her child when it's born.
Her poor mums boyfriend is in the same vote as me, the daughter bashed him not long ago.he got her locked up but Mum and Dad told police she has a mental disorders so they let her go.
Wait!!!!
Not sure what country you live in, but here in the US, you have the right to will your posessions to whomever you designate. I don't have any bio kids, but in my will, I left 80% of my wealth to my niece and nephew and the rest of the 20% will go to my SS. Don't judge me - as you know from my previous post he is a 30 yo unemployed stoner, but somehow I still feel sorry for him, anyways, there is an executor to my will who is tasked with making sure that my wishes are carried out accordingly. So even though we live in a community property state, where assets are distributed equally among spouses, and even in the remote possiblity of my husband surviving me, he will not get my share of the assets as they go to my heirs. I'd check with a legal expert to find out what your options are.
So he essentially STOLE the
So he essentially STOLE the steel, right? I'd go straight to the police with that one but I might give your SO 24 hours to bring it back first. Sooner or later you HAVE to put a stop to this nonsense. Why should your hard-earned money finance his kids whims?
stolen steel
Hi, thanks, its hard to get it back, his dad made a dam pen for his sons duck out of it. Can u believe it--a steel pen when he just could have bought some star pickets and chicken wire. Expensive pen, but hey he gets what he wants.Im so stressed out. Just trying to live day by day till the lease ends. If they come here for anything else ill phone police immediately.
Thats theft and you should report to the police
they will give an ultimatum to ss to return the property or will proceed wirh taking him to court for the theft.
you are letting your partner walk all over you and he does not have any say over your property. My ss is 20 and does not acknowlege me or the 2 kids i had with his dad, yet his laptop buggers up and he calls daddy at midnight saying there is a fancy laptop under the tv he is using for university whilst his is getting repaired. Hubby said thats my laptop and he’ll need to ask (1 week before we were going on holidays overseas), he didn’t get that laptop and hubby gave him the option of that laptop and another spare of mine which is much heavier. I told hubby no, i need the small one so he can borrow the big one or gets nothing and if its returned damaged then hubby buys me a new one.
after that i told hubby his 1st response to ss is he has no shame and some nerve to feel entitled to my property when he has emotionally and mentally abused us and our kids from day 1. Since last year he will not get anything of mine. If he calls daddy with a sob story my answer is “tough shit”, he doesn’t get to choose to not acknowledge us but suddenly needs help and then wants our things. I’ve started getting more tough and meaner and standing up for myself more, they should not be allowed the power to walk all over you, so please op, stop letting that happen
ripping your mums photos i would have called the police on sd for vandalism
laptop
omg. Sound like my other half, when he gives his son my stuff, he replaces it with our own money. So basically we have bought the item twice. I remember last xmas my partner bought his son a laptop, a week later he rang his dad and said he didnt own it anymore--said his place flooded and it got wet. What a joke.
I do try stop letting it happen, but partner keeps giving them my stuff. I even went out and hired a storage shed at $300/ month and i have been putting all my personal stuff in there so he doesnt give his kids my stuff, then i have to bring it all back when his lease ends. Its a pain in the ass especially when i have 3 sheds on my property, but they will just get in and take it. The police will be involved if they come back, but i dont trust my partner taking stuff to them. Like today he told me he was at work, i have a tracker on my own ute and hes moving his kids in there new home he bought them. Im sick to my stomach, dont know how much longer i can last. He keeps asking me too when my shifts are for the week so he knows when im not at home.
Cyberwoman
I know people have a right to put whom they wish in there will and should be adhered to. BUT not when there's stuff that's not 100 percent yours.its stuff for the acreage poison sprayers to new ride ons, tractors,fencing gear, tools,stuff they will never use, I don't give 2 hoots if they get the super.i just feel like crap, am I nobody in this relationship. Personally I don't know any couples that don't have there partners in there will.im in Australia and legally I can take all possessions and 90 percent of the money.i won't fight it cause he wants them to have it.but over my dead body will they take anything of mine/ ours of the property.they can have the money, hopefully they'll buy more drugs with it and will be in heaven or more like it hell.
I totally get it!
Absolutely understand you and how you must feel. Your partner will always put his kids before you and that is understandable what is NOT understandable that he would expect you to share the burden of coddling, enabling, indulging and all those things they do for their spawn to ease their feelings of guilt. I would have a sitdown with your significant other (maybe with a mediator present) and articulate these facts as calmly as possible. Why would it be fair for you to sacrifice your needs for the perceived needs of his adult children. I am sure that if they were responsible, gainfully employed adults, who have fallen on bad times and have demonstrated a level of courtesy and friendliness towards you, you would help out, but from what you have shared that does not seem to be the case.
Why on this blooming earth would you give up your posessions for the benefit of his children, and why would your partner EXPECT that from you to begin with? Just reread the part where your partner said to you that you will be OK because you will always have work. Maybe if his kids would take up the habit of working they would not need to count on other people's posessions to keep them fed. What kind of a twisted logic is that? You have work and his adult kids will have a fool who will dole out to them?
I would have a come to Jesus talk with him and if he does not have a change of heart and treat you with the respect and consideration that you are due, would send him packing. Best wishes.
ps: My husband is not the beneficiary of my will. He already is getting 50% of the marital assets due to state laws, but the rest including my interest in the business, life insurance and other assets go to my heirs. I had to do this because I know DH so well. He is simply not capable of controlling his emotions when it comes to his child. His feelings of guilt overrides his common sense, so I had to do what I had to do to protect others around him.
Wow! CG and I agree
CG and I never agree on anything but in this case she is spot on. Cut this dude loose and if you have to wait out the lease then you'll have plenty of time to plan. I would report the steel as stolen property.
sickening find
I am so disgusted in myself--i know i should NOT go through his stuff, but after 6 years i nvestigated. I was actually trying to find his bank statements so i knew exactly how many thousands a month he was giving his kids.He is old school, doesnt do internet banking and still gets everything posted but i have the key to the letterbox so i think he has a hidden po box. So basically i stripped the house to find letters.
But omg, i found stuff i literally went and vomitted in the toilet. Surely this is NOT normal.
I found in a old siuitcase a heap of viagra, a lot of empty boxes of them too, i found what i had to google a penis pump and the worst was a black dildo--what the F. So then i thought he was seeing someone, so then i did the WORSE.
I put a cam in my house to c if a female would be coming over while i was at work. And what i watched horrified me. He was using all the sex toys on himself at the dining table. I only put the cam at my kitchen facing the front door(Not in the bedroom.) He is against gays so what the hell. Who is this person im living with. Is this normal??? i have never ever known a guy to use a dildo on himself.I thought when they dont get sex they just had a wank in the shower. What the hell do i do now, 1 thing after another. FED UP. I mean out in the open, what if i had my daughter pop in!
Prostate Massage
The act itself is not gay (he could be but you would be surprised how many straight men get off on this). You can also look up the term pegging (woman uses the dildo/strap-on on a man). Maybe he has ED and he is doing what he can to get it up. Maybe just a really horny guy.
You may want to check the legality of having a camera in your home if you want to do anything official with it. You could have to notify the other residents of the home that is there and not have audio on.
Sorry, you are going through this.
Too bad you are not in TX.
Too bad you are not in TX. You can shoot people here for stealing your stuff and "smashing" you.
smh.