Does this Happen to Anyone Else ?
Does this happen to anyone else?
You write a vent blog about life with Steps and DW or DH and you were pretty ticked when you first wrote it but as the comments come in you start to find yourself defending DW or DH or thinking well they weren’t that bad? Or thinking the comments are advising rather drastic measures that you really aren’t up for or even close to thinking about ?
- Major Blunder's blog
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Oh...you mean instant divorce
Oh...you mean instant divorce and torching the ground behind you as you go isn’t the only option for resolving marital conflict?
Interesting. Tell me more! ;-)
Those are better than an
Those are better than an unmarked shallow grave or " Hunny want to go for a sail out on the lake???? " Is that to soon? lol
Haha wait- that's scary!
Major, you're cracking me up!
Bwhahahahahah, Come to the
Bwhahahahahah, Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies
Yep! It's natural when you
Yep! It's natural when you love someone. Remember when you were a kid and you could complain all day long about your mom, but the second someone called her fat, you pounded them?
We generally defend our loved ones from others, especially outsiders, even when we agree with the attack on some level. And it's easy for some stranger to say "leave that bitch!" Of course you will say, "Hey! She's not a bitch!" That's what real people do when someone they love is insulted.
lol I remember being out
lol I remember being out once in my early Twenties and some woman was with the bar owner where I was , he mentioned my Father ( we ran the same bar circuit just not together lol ) and she called my Dad an a-hole , I agreed that he very well can be at times, the good news was he could work on it and be less of an a-hole bad news she would never get beyond being an idiot, I was immediately asked to leave lol
Yep! Sometimes the advice,
Yep! Sometimes the advice, although I'm sure well-meaning, is a bit drastic for what the situation was.
I was thinking about this on
I was thinking about this on the drive home, yes damn that woman can tick me off and really mess up my zen but I found it interesting that in my mind when reading comments sometimes that i was thinking well she's not that bad lol
I'm actually kind of shocked
I'm actually kind of shocked at how nasty people are on here about their own spouses/SO's. They sort of invite a lot of those attacks. I don't think I'd stay with someone if I was so frustrated with them for so long. There's marital conflict, and then there is being in contempt of your partner. If I start posting about DH that way, I'll know it's time to end the relationship.
I agree, sometimes it is over
I agree, sometimes it is over the top, I have to go back over my old posts to see how I have been to her. I do get frustrated but it's usually for a particular situation or a short time period, the constant contempt I couldn't handle either, there has to be a limit, thankfully I haven't hit mine yet and she hasn't given me reason too.
My DH and I have had our
My DH and I have had our differences, but that's not unusual in any relationship.
When people comment that they have no respect for their spouses, no longer find them attractive, are comtemptuous of them... when everything they post in regards to the spouse is negative, I honestly do not know why they stay. Life is too short to be so damn miserable.
I can see not being happy
I can see not being happy with your spouse for long periods of time, even years can go by, physical attraction may decline, you may even not really want to even see their face on some days, that happens with "LifeTime", but yes some of the truly spitefully, negative is astounding. Life is short but not everyday.week, month or even year is going to be a flipping Rom-Com, sometimes it rains and doesn't stop for a long time, you eventually get used to and appreciate the Sun alot more when it comes out finally.
It's when people have been
It's when people have been miserable for YEARS that baffles me.
or
sometimes you down play the situation, or do not think its as bad.... ive had that a few times- id write something and then get upset that i did not stand up for myself better!! so i guess it goes both ways.
i try to take all comments (except the known trolls)-even over dramatic one into consideration- if everyone sort of agrees then i try to relook at why i did not get upset enough, why i over reacted, or maybe i should re address it.
This can be true as well,
This can be true as well, sometimes an outsider can help us to see something we missed or didn't realize was going on.
My favorite is "get them in
My favorite is "get them in counseling now!" I admit I do that alot, and I admit counseling will only work if all parties involved (counselor included) are willing to work through all the shit.
I think despite your DW being an enabler she is a good person and it's obvious you two are in this together.
I've said it as well, and we
I've said it as well, and we aren't even in counseling, but I would like us to at some point.
She is a good person, she would give her shirt off her back to a stranger, but yes she is an enabler and workeing to become better, we are in it together although there are days we aren't on the same page, hell there are days we aren't in the same book lol
I think part of what works on
I think part of what works on this site is that sometimes when venting we realize that the situation is really not "quite as horrible" as we imagined. When we vent.. we vent about a very narrow sliver of time and situation. It might be a wholly aggravating sliver.. but our post ignores the other good stuff that might naturally exist.
We all have our levels of tolerance too. I see some posts on here from people and wouldn't be caught dead staying.. but I don't walk in their shoes.. and I always remember that it's about perspective and there is always the possibility that the poster is either exagerating or showing us what happened through their own warped lenses.. and that they also probably have some ownership in the S show going on.
What helps me is seeing that
What helps me is seeing that some people have it way worse than I do! Some of these BMs make the one in our situation seem like a gem. It helps me to remember that we could have it worse. And I also really appreciate that DH is a strong parent who always put me first - some of these spouses are ridiculous.
This too. I can't imagine
This too. I can't imagine some of these situations would be unlivable.. as in NO relationship is worth some of this crap. I hate to say it but some people are "undatable" because of issues with their kids, family or former spouses.. shoot.. some people I think have such serious problems emotionally that they just aren't suitable for any relationship.. I know it sucks to think that some people don't "deserve" to be loved.. but someone shouldn't have to sacrifice it all so "you " won't be lonely. A lot of these guys should not be in a relationship.. they have too much baggage (I mean guys both ways..lol)
I'd much rather be alone than
I'd much rather be alone than with some of these men, for sure.
I see alot to that I couldn't
I see alot to that I couldn't put up with and haven't, my first wife was an alcoholic ( secretly ) and abusive, physically, emotionally and psychologically, I got out of that as quick as I could.
I am a firm beliver in for better or for worse but there are limits to that as well, I didn't deal with a psycho Bio parent untill SD26 became that for us but she's more of a worthless, non responsible Disney parent who belongs in jail.
I have put up with alot in my life in general so I guess I have become tolerant to alot, even though i come and vent I still hang in there, hope for better days and on the days that I can't get there I come here where I know I will be reminded that I'm doing the right thing.
Yep, happened to me yesterday
Yep, happened to me yesterday. Posted a blog about DH responding to BM2's question that she's asked 438 times over the last 7 years .
Ended up deleting it because I end up defending what DH said, how he shouldn't respond, what we should do when we both die. And explain that BM2 DOES NOT GIVE UP.
EVER. NEVER F#CKING EVER. As a handful of people on this site should more than understand as they are still dealing with a vindictive BM still trying to mess up their lives even though skid is nearly to or aged out.
BioMom is certifiable and a complete POS but, ya know, my DH getting a dig in once in awhile is the problem. Of course.
I read that yesterday, and
I read that yesterday, and saw alot of the negative comments, so many times I see blogs and just either have nothing to add or it's already run off the rails so no point in making it worse, other times I have nothing nice to say ( not in your case) so I say nothing, in your case it had already run off the rails with negative comments. Personally I liked your DH's dig, kudos to him !
I have one of those BM's who
I have one of those BM's who haven't let go, but DH did manage to shut her down by ignoring her. I just can't imagine my DH entertaining a conversation about anything with her, he'd jump straight to the dig, if he had to.
I ignore SD26 constantly but
I ignore SD26 constantly but every once in a while I have to shoot her a dig just to remind her what a POS she is, which doesn't work cause she thinks she's awesome ! lol
Anything other than "sure bm2
Anything other than "sure bm2 I'll kick cookies out, remarry you and give you all my assets" IS the dig in her world. Your DH may have stopped her from messaging but she's still PAS'ing SS and he's just been to court because of her.
This is my point... they never ever ever give up.
DSO finally got BM to stop
DSO finally got BM to stop the obvious push to get him back on accident. He gave SS17 at the time 40 bucks. Found out a few days later that SS took BM to dinner with the money. DSO definitely says things he shouldn't when angry and said 'You spent my money on the person I hate most in the world?' SS obviously told BM as she texted DSO sorry and offered to pay him back. She backed off 99% of contact in the past year.
Now while it was a bit
Now while it was a bit inappropriate and mean, it worked. I'd be happy if BM2 would finally give up but I'm not holding my breath. She tries to get SS to hate us but that is lost on SS. His autistic mind doesn't understand the under handed subtlety and backhanded hints of hatred. Everything is black and white so her clever comments do not compute... luckily enough. Otherwise he'd be PAS'd as well.
Agreed on that. BM here won
Agreed on that. BM here won’t let go either. He just wouldn’t discuss an inheritance with her, he’d go straight to the insult, lol. That’s all I mean. Your DH is way too nice to her IMO, but everyone has to find their own solution.