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Still hypocritical

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Thu, 12/13/2018 - 7:50pm

If DH says things about my BS that are totally true but critical, I agree. If it frustrates me, too, I even say that. I love my BS and he’s a great kid but I am a realist about my kid.

If I say something that could even be minutely interpreted as negative about one of my skids (both boys and both close in age to BS so there are similar things that go on), DH immediately jumps in with either an excuse or a statement about something good they’ve done. (DHs childhood was fine. Married parents, SAHM, siblings, whole family is pleasant so there’s no relived trauma.)

Just posting to get it off my chest again. 

 

And while I’m at it, I think he’s jealous I do things and have hobbies. I’ve encouraged him to find some and make some friends but I also seem to be his social director and concierge. We don’t have anyone over unless I arrange it. He says he wants people over but never makes the effort. 

It’s one of those days since both of these scenarios have happened recently. 

Comments

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Thu, 12/13/2018 - 7:54pm

He won’t take off to do things with me when I ask but he may take the same day off I do at the last minute, say he’s going to do X but it usually means he expects us to do everything together and I already made plans. Then there’s the sad puppy face when I say I need to go do the things I had already set up. 

Hm. I need some exercise and alone time. 

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Submitted by dysfunctionally... on Thu, 12/13/2018 - 8:51pm

The defensive parent is very typical. I dealt with this by never discussing skids. If their behavior directly affects me or my bios I simply bring it to SO's attention and expect him to fix it. If he doesn't then I do it myself. No discussion.

On the other hand, I parent my bios well IMO. There are times when my SO will bring a behavior to my attention and I simply address it with my bios and move on. Again no discussion. 

As for your introvert/extrovert issue - not sure I would change anything that you are already doing. Make your plans. Be social. Invite your DH. If he chooses to not act in the same way it is on him. As an adult he has a choice.