Relationship connection lacking because of skids
Hi everyone. I'm frustrated. As usual plans are cancelled due to skids. SO had a whole romantic evening planned for my birthday only for it to be cancelled last minute because of skid. To make it worse he doesnt seem to want to reschedule it or even attempt to. I also feel very left out lately. As far as skids school stuff is concerned I'm never invited and always left out. SO also refuses to introduce me when we meet others, including other parents from skids' school and the neighborhood and acts as if I'm invisible. I also feel there is not much of a connection lately at all and if I address any issues about how I feel he gets annoyed. I feel out numbered in our house and dont enjoy being around the skids much anymore or SO and cant even discuss it.
Do you guys live together?
Do you guys live together? How long have you been together?
He is treating you how he has been allowed to treat you. You need to first think about whether you want to be in this relationship and then you need to have a serious sit down with him to see whether you can resolve this or not if you are deciding you want to stay.
It sounds to me like you are on 2 different pages and your commitment levels to one another are not aligned or matching up? You want more, and he isn’t ready for or isn’t wanting more?
I don't think the skids are
I don't think the skids are the problem here. This is an issue between you and SO.
SO seems to have a problem
SO seems to have a problem making his relationship with you a priority.
Doesn't introduce you to people? That's just rude and inconsiderate.
The least he could have done was reschedule your date not. If he constantly puts you on the back burner pretty soon your relationship is going to crumble
Also he needs to realize when his kids are intentionally manipulating them strictly to take his attention off of you.
Sorry his daughter is that way-as long as he enables it its going to get much much worse.
If he's not willing to nip that behavior in the bud and make you feel like the 'woman of the house' and his partner-not to mention comfortable- in your own home, then maybe he isn't worth keeping....
You deserve just as much effort, energy and affection from him as you deal out and it's simply not okay to ignore you and treat you as less important than his kids.
If he isn't even involving you in school functions how does he expect everyone to get along as a gamily? Hell he isn't even treating you like you matter. That's what his kids witness. Pretty soon they will see you as 'unimportany' too. If they don't already.
Is this a relationship u feel u can save?
Who would like to be treated
Who would like to be treated like this? NOBODY!
You need to ask yourself, "Why am I allowing someone to treat me like this?".
Honestly, it sounds like you are being used as a sex toy, when your SO doesn't have anything else going on...
You deserve to matter!
If when you try to discuss what you feel are important issues, your SO gets annoyed he is straight-up letting you know he doesn't care. Nothing is going to change.
You need to decide if you can continue to accept this poor treatment. If not, perhaps the relationship has reached it's limit and it is time to come to an end.
If so, please take time before initiating another relationship to figure out why you thought this is the treatment you deserved.
Not introducing you is just
Not introducing you is just plain bad manners and has nothing to do with skids. It's also rude to the person he's not introducing you to. Call him out on it privately. That shouldn't be too hard for him to change. If he still doesn't do it, the next time just introduce yourself, smile and say, "We're still working on training," then do the nod in your SO's direction. No one wants to look like an idiot in front of other people, so it might help him remember how to behave.
Plans being cancelled...my honeymoon was cancelled because my dog was diagnosed with cancer. When you have responsibilities, this happens. It's part of having responsibility in your life.
Rescheduling, though, is another matter. Tell him you still want your romantic evening. If he doesn't make it happen, you know that's what you're in for going forward.
Dating is when you find this stuff out. It's a test run for what your future will be if you stay together. It's too bad you moved in with him -- it will make getting out harder if he doesn't shape up. Still, if you don't like it now, don't let this become your life. Put him to the test on these two small issues and if he can't do better, pack up and move on. If he improves, it shows you might have a chance of successfully dealing with some of the larger issues. But if you're not married, why settle?
SO had a whole romantic
SO had a whole romantic evening planned for my birthday only for it to be cancelled last minute because of skid.
I'd be interested in hearing what was the actual cause for the cancellation ... because there are emergencies in life and there are non-emergencies, which one was this?
Skid was feeling nauseous and
Skid was feeling nauseous and had a headache so he stayed home with her. I understand kids get sick but it happens all too often and when skid feels ill but not showing actual symptoms (no fever over 99, no vomiting, no diarhea, no rash, no red/swollen throat, etc.). Our whole life stops when skid feels sick, is slightly warm, says stomach doesn't feel well etc but exhibits no actual real symptoms. I never understood the coddling thing. Im very compassionate but refuse to allow skids to manipulate or control our lives. Before you know it they are controlling the household, the marriage, and everything else. Its not a good thing for the skids either. They are doing them no favors by allowing this. Parenting like this causes them to treat others(peers) poorly, are not responsible, are lazy and ultimately fail to launch. That is not love. Skid has issues with getting along with her peers and is behind in her studies. She has no female friends in her class, only boys, and is behind in her reading and math. I believe his parenting has caused her to act entitled and mean towards other kids therefore she is bullied back. I believe his parenting has also caused her to be entitled and lazy and think it is ok not to try very hard when doing her school work. She believes the world revovles around her. Not her fault and not a good thing.
How old is she? Was this on
How old is she? Was this on his time? Was a babysitter going to be there?
She is 6 and no sitter. He
She is 6 and no sitter. He stayed home with her when he got off work (early). His mother watched her during the day.
Does he not trust his mother
Does he not trust his mother to take adequate care of her or could she not stay?
she could not stay was what i
she could not stay was what i was told
Your SO is the problem
You are not put first. You will never be put first. This the time he is on good behavior, dating . He wii always do what best for him and his kids and EX wife,
The Skids are more important than you are
At least that's what I am concluding after four years of trying to be a partner and a dad to her two teenagers (f 14, m 16). They ALWAYS come first with her, I take a back seat, always, and I didn't anticipate in the beginning that this would ever be the case. Naive was me. My mistake. A warning to all adults tempted to start a relationship with a single mom or dad that has kids from a previous marriage, especially where the kids refuse to visit any longer with their biological father or mother. There was likely abuse in that relationship, and if it's not addressed, you are in for a heap of sadness and rejection. It took me the better part of now almost four years to figure this out. I am now looking for the exit strategy because, though I still love her and the kids, there seems to be no hope of reconciliation. I brought her flowers yesterday and put them in a vase. A neighbor showed up and commented on how nice they looked and she said, yes, they do (not that I got them for her). When such passivity (disrespect, apathy?) prevails (instead of, did you take the dog the vet?, it's, did the dog go to the vet?), get out. Better yet, do not, I repeat, do not get involved with single parents of minor children in the first place, especially if you do not have bio kids of your own. You will fail and you will be miserable.
So, why are you even
So, why are you even interested in this rude asshole?