SS8 Having Behaviour Issues at School
DH and BM do separate parent teacher conferences and DH's was tonight (BM signed up to go next week which we only know because the schedule is online) and the teacher told DH that SS8 is lying, being rough with his classmates, being disruptive, and generally having a difficult time.
SS8 is a large child. He's tall and sturdy and larger than most of his classmates.
His teacher suggested SS8 see the school counselor and DH agreed.
SS8's mom is very high conflict. DH can't talk to her. She is never wrong and DH is always at fault. She hates DH. She does everything she can to try to "win" with SS8.
DH has SS8 10/28 nights. Our home has routine and structure. His mom's home is chaotic.
We thought SS8 was holding up better than he is because he is generally good at our house. Now we know he's acting out at school.
We've been kicking around the idea of going back to court but DH would have to ask for full custody (because he has close to 50/50 now) and that will be a long, expensive, and damaging fight. SS8 will get drug through the middle of it by BM. (How dare we point out what a shit show she is!)
We may not win. DH may lose his level of parenting time and court ordered involvement he has now. This would mean having less influence. SS8 is coming up on a critical age.
Ugh. It's so hard to decide what to do.
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What's your current schedule?
What's your current schedule? Do you have your SS mostly on weekends or do you have him during the school week as well? I'm certainly no expert on court (my SO and his ex mutually agreed to 50/50 and everything else in their CO), but I would be stunned if a judge changed custody to give the father full custody in the absence of some serious issues with the mother. Misbehavior at school and a high conflict mother with a chaotic house wouldn't seem to me to be enough.
Hopefully you'll be able to get some useful feedback once your SS starts seeing the school counselor. You might consider a counselor outside of school, as well.
DH has 10 of every 28
DH has 10 of every 28 overnights during school.
BM is very HC. She is bitter and abusive daily in written contact to DH. She often tells SS8 once he turns 12 he won't have to see DH anymore. She argues over every tiny thing she can in the court order. She brings SS8 into the middle of the constant conflict that she causes.
There just has to be a way to stop her from destroying this child.
Document everything you can.
Document everything you can. Texts, emails, write a journal with as much detail as possible about events. It will help if you go to court.
Do you have all this hate
Do you have all this hate speech in writing? If so, then BM has likely shot herself in the foot.
A court is VERY VERY unlikely to drop the amount of parenting time DH has, especially if he is already close to 50/50 and he has proof of BM trying to alienate SS and drag him into adult problems. Judges typically don't like it when another parent blatantly alienates a child.
Has your DH consulted an attorney at all? If not, it might not be a bad idea to chat with one, or a few, to see what they have to say. Full custody may not be an option, but your DH may be able to swing actual 50/50 custody that is week on/week off. That may help tremendously with homework.
Also, your DH could request that all communication go through Our Family Wizard, which would record ALL the ranting and raving of BM plus eliminate thr need for constant contact as calendars, schedules, etc can be shared through that app.
Your DH has a lot of options. If he has proof of BM's crazy behavior and/or her influence causing documented issues at school on her time, and he just wants to adjust upwards to 50/50 and he wants OFW, I think he could get it. But talking to an attorney is a must to find out what documentation you need.
My DH got full custody of
My DH got full custody of Killjoy14 when she was 8. She is doing well in school now but still has a lot of mental problems. Voldemort is still PASing her. There is no way to protect a child from the scourge a HCBM causes.
This sounds like my life
This sounds like my life circa 2011. DH took her to court, but didn't win. We know shady stuff was going on there by the way kids behaved etc. We tried to go through CPS but case was dismissed b/c they didn't find any evidence, but we are pretty sure they didn't even look. The breakthrough for us was the school reporting behavior issues with SD12 who at the time had just started Kindergarten. Not that it was good new b/c we found out that she was being sexually abused by BM's husband, however that is what it took to get the kids out of that situation. We were awarded emergency custody and eventually full custody as the court proceedings went on. Now she is divorced from that guy and remarried 2 more times. She is allowed unsupervised visits 4 nights a month. She is currently living with her new boyfriend after she got evicted from her last house. She didn't see her from early Nov 2017 to Feb 2018, no calls, no Merry Christmas or happy Birthday. SD12 ended up having a breakdown and this guilted "mom" into allowing her to visit every other weekend again. It's a nightmare, and SD12 is a nightmare herself due to behavior issues. She has had a hard time and I understand that, but it is stressful to say the least. I know it can be tricky to go to court. I don't really think the whole process is fair to begin with and it seems like a man has it stacked against him unless the BM really messes up. I wish you the best.