I was not sure where to post this – I just needed to vent and get some ideas.

My sister-in-law has not liked me from day one – she preferred wife #2.  We are cordial to each other and I do not cause family scenes.  I thought things were getting better…

In the beginning of the marriage she would often mention the ex-wife #2’s name around me. “Oh look this is what soandso got for “Nick”.  My DH hated it and said something to his brother (her husband).  I know the two of them (SIL and Ex#2) are friends, along with one of the ASD.  My husband has asked that I be respected and that the life we have to never be discussed with #2.  The rest of the family including 3 SKs can’t stand #2 and never want to hear from or see her again due to affairs on their Dad and how badly she treated him.  (Husband and Ex#2 never had children together).  BM and I do not have any issues – we respect each other’s role.

So…things were quiet for quite a while and going well to where I felt as if a bond was being developed – until this past weekend.

There was a family get together at SIL's home and SIL had one of those computer picture frames running and on display for all to see.  Several pictures of ex#2 were streaming.  She has never had that streaming before – after being there for about 2 hours I saw this and I admit I became upset and walked out of the house to get myself in check because I felt I may be acting immature.  After speaking to another friend by phone as I tried to calm down – my friend stated I was not being immature and that it was rude and passive aggressive.

I took a few more minutes went back inside and then asked my husband if we could please leave.  He knew something was wrong and agreed.  I told him I needed time to get my feelings in check.  I told him about it the next day (he did not see it) and he wanted to know if I wanted him to get involved and to say something.  I told him No – that I felt it was bait and I am not going to fall for their (SIL, ASD, and ex#2) passive aggressive ways.  He wanted to put out some pictures of his brother with his first wife for the next family gathering at our home and I told him No I won’t stoop to their level. 

I have decided that I will avoid her as much as possible without making the rest of the family uncomfortable.  I don’t want any more drama in our lives and on a day to day basis it does not affect us.  Only family gatherings.  Other than visiting with other family members and basically avoiding whatever room she is in – has anyone else been through this and if so, how did you handle it without letting them know they were succeeding at getting under your skin or in your psyche?

And let me be perfectly clear - I know this sounds petty and immature and some may tell me to get over it.  I am not saying the two of them can't socialize, be friends, etc. however, this same person gets upset when family speaks to her husband's ex and no one has any pictures up of her husbands ex - out of respect.  Shouldn't she show me the same respect I and the rest of the family show to her?