Stepson Bipolar?
I’m new here. And I needed another stepparent to talk to or vent. I married a widower a few months ago after dating for 3 years. He has a son from his late wife. At first the boy was perfectly fine with me. Always attentive, close, wanted to do everything together. Recently he’s been hesitant. Told me he never really liked me and his father moved on to quick from his mom. (My husband and his LW were separated for 6 years. And they both knew their marriage was over but she was financial dependent on him, and he felt obligated to stay. Needless to say he was ready to move on a long time prior to me.) Stepsons 12 now and he has been diagnosed with ADHD and blames me for him having to take a pill. Told his friends I’m tired of his attitude that that’s why I’m giving it to him. He’s also stolen cigarettes out of my car, purse and jacket. Has lied to me and my DH countlessly. We are trying for a baby and I don’t want him near the baby. When we were at Target, my husband and I were talking about a friend of ours that had a baby and SS jumped into our conversation and said well don’t be giving me your baby bc knowing me I’ll kill it. My husband and mines face went white and the cashier was in awe. I don’t know wha to do anymore. He’s seen a psychologist and tells her he likes me and adores me. But I think he’s lying to her too bc in his exact words “ it’s all I know. I’ve lied and that’s it.”
Hes only 12 and already failing 3 classes. I don’t know what to do. And honestly I just want to give up on him. I moved in with them a year ago and everything seem perfect. We were moving along together as a “family”. And now I’m his eyes his family is his dad and half sister. And that my family is my parents and brother. And whenever “It” aka the baby comes along. He doesn’t care for the idea of a baby as long as his father ignores “It” he could careless.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Please tell me your DH
Please tell me your DH immediately marched HIS son outside, when he said this in Target, in front of you and other adults, to have a man-to-man talk.
No? Why not?
Make no mistake. It’s going to be much easier for your DH to bury his head in the sand, when it comes to an off kilter child. One who lost his mom, at that. It will be your DH’s excuse, to allow such atrocious behavior, if it’s not already.
I highly recommend you don’t bring a child into this family dynamic. Because this sounds like a nightmare.
In regards to the title of this post, are you questioning if he has BPD? Because people who do not have BPD make equally crass comments. I’m confused why you are quick to label it as such. I see you mention him getting an ADHD diagnosis.
I titled it as so because I’m
I titled it as so because I’m all
honesty I’m worried about his mental health. He seems perfectly fine one day and then all of a sudden it’s a different child.
Bipolar
Can not be fixed. What ever he saids, it true to him, not the rest of the world. This is the way he is and it’s only going to get worst. Already he doesn’t want to take his meds. Lot of this type of medication stop his sexual feelings and his performance. So he is going to stop taking them. You are going to have a life of hell. You have to disengage from SS. If Dh can’t handle it you are going to have to leave.
He feels like everything he
He feels like everything he says goes and that just doesn’t happen. We mentioned we were going to be relocating and he said to me in my car after I took him to one of his activities “I’m not leaving. And I will not leave quietly. Watch.”
I don't believe this to be
I don't believe this to be Bipolar behavior. Might want to explare the Cluster-B stuff with google. His father needs to straighten out the facts of the timeline of your relationship and talk about LW in honest terms. keeping her human and not an angel. Did they present a united family unit to SS while living separate? Therapy is desperately needed for DH and SS.
Bringing a baby into a situation with death threats is not fun. You really needed to consider that decision and demand DH come up with a plan to protect you all from any potential violent act SS could come up with. Don't let him sweep this under the rug, demand a solution with therapy included.
Any mental illness in the family tree for SS?
My DH has spoken to him. He
My DH has spoken to him. He has explained to him that things have been better since I moved in with them and he acknowledges it. SS agreed with my DH. Husband told him things were different with his mom. And SS said I know. So I don’t get it.
Your dh "talked to him". Yeah
Your dh "talked to him". Yeah, my formerSO used to talk to his demon child too. He also agreed with his dad every time and fed him a line of bullcrap that he believed too. Was he telling the truth? Clearly not because his actions proved otherwise.
Could it be your ss is just agreeing to get the conversation done and over with so he can move on to what he wants and not "get in trouble"?
Will your dh put him in therapy? Mine wouldn't... "he's not that bad" (YES HE WAS!), "that will make him feel bad" (WHAT ABOUT ME AND BABY?), "he will get better, he just needs time" (HOW? MAGIC? HOW MUCH TIME AND WHAT DO WE DO IN THE MEANTIME?)
We actually have him in
We actually have him in therapy. We figured he could use it prior to all this bc his late mother and half sister didn’t pay him any mind and would let him do whatever. And he got used to the chaos of them. But now that there’s structure he’s hating it. But I think he needs more help with the therapist before the baby comes
If he starts paying with
If he starts paying with knifes, tries to peep on you when changing or starts being cruel to animals RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do you think he is bipolar?
Not one thing in your post suggests SS is bi-polar. He clearly has some issues, but being bi-polar isn't one of them. Bi-polar is characterized by extreme mood swings that happen over months, not moments. Please don't continue to throw bi-polar out there as one of his issues unless he is diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
Like I said in my post I’m
Like I said in my post I’m new here. I think he has bipolar tendencies bc one day he’s great with me and wants to do everything with me. Then the next week or two he doesn’t want to even look at me. So I apologize if you took it the wrong way. But it is how I felt since I’m the one living with him.
Sounds like he’s been coddled
Sounds like he’s been coddled with his mom being dead and all. Try disengagement. Try being brutally honest and blunt with him. Shut him down when he says those things like he never really liked you-reply with something like “then I regret loving you and taking care of you as much as I have, to think I did it all for nothing” then walk away. When he blames you for his ADHD meds laugh back at him and say “you understand that your brain working at a faster pace to where you cannot focus literally has nothing to do with me since I’m not biologically related to you?” Now you don’t have to be as harsh as I am in the examples but my point is that he is trying to hurt you, he is trying to shock you and shake you up for a reaction. Stop playing into that. Ignore him as much as possible.
I also wanted to add, it’s
I also wanted to add, it’s not bi polar....he’s either a sociopath or a developing manipulator. Bipolar is different than what you’re describing.
That’s the issue!!! He’s been
That’s the issue!!! He’s been coddled his entire life since my husbands lw picked up and moved to another state. He had this entitlement problem that we’ve made him realize it’s not his way and he hates it. I’m not built nor was I raised that way. My husband realizes now that he’s done wrong. I’ve been avoiding him and not being so attentive and it bothers my husband more then the kid. My SS only cares about himself. He doesn’t even care about his father bc his actions clearly indicate the same actions his late mother and half sister acted toward my husband.