But really, if I had to pick-

1. I would say not agreeing with SO on how to handle things/his rules, but not really getting much of a say (unless I want a fight).

2. Having to deal with their annoying behavior/messes without being able to lash out as I may like to. Even my SO yells at them for things, but if I did it, he would be all butt-hurt. So you are expected to be pleasant and rarely annoyed with skids, even though every bio-parent gets to yell and be annoyed when they want. And i like a semi-clean house, so it drives me crazy when they leave shit all over!

My biggest issue is Psycho and the bagge of the past of DH... Also being adopted by Psycho's family after they estranged themselves from her... All that is weird...

1. Dealing with Psycho is frustrating and difficult. I've tried polite, I've tried to make idle chit chat. i get cussed out and shoved and she talks s*** behind my back, all while I'm raising the skids. I can honestly say if she'd bow out (I mean the woman even admitted she doesn't want the skids... So she really should bow out...) everything else would be a cake walk.
2. Dealing with the past. It's just really annoying to have any of it brought up... Normally by MIL... Like I mention I want a carpet cleaner. And MIL goes "Did you and (insert she who must not be named's real name here) have one of those? Why can't she have that." Meanwhile I'm like, haven't seen it, don't want it. Really don't want to hear about that... Also the financial struggles that BM caused for a whole ton of s*** I didn't cause or want in my life... That's a sore spot...
3. No joke. Psycho's dad and Sm have decided to "adopt me" I get random messages, pictures, and invitations all over. I've decided to play nice for the kiddos, and they really aren't bad people. it's just also strange considering before they realized how crazy Psycho is they were in the driveway yelling at us and blaming everything that BM caused on us... So I still get nervous... lol

1) The thing I hate about being a SM is that I can't fix things. I am the type of person who needs to make things better for others... when BM acts like an A$$, I can't stop it from hurting DH. I can't stop her from making up illnesses for SSstb14. I can't make the judge pull his head out of his A$$...

2) I think that the thing I hate about SSstb14 around the most is that he is going to leave soon. DH's heart will be broken, he will be angry and justifiably so.  The thing I hate about SS18 being around is, he can't work. He can't do more. He is stuck and even though he doesn't want to be... he is just exsisting in the house with no purpose until we can get help from some of these agencies. 

Question #1: 3, 4, 6, 8 and 9. I don't really have BM issues other than her constantly asking for extra money. 

Question #2: Other. I hate the feeling of intrusion in my home and watching them put their gross selves all over my furniture, blankets, etc. There's just something intolerable about it to me. I hated the thought of them using my shower and defecating in my toilet (Not a germaphobe and don't mind showing hospitality to people. Am very good at it, in fact. There's just something viscerally repuslive about their presence in my home, for some reason). I also really didn't mind any of that much when they were younger...I was even the one who usually took care of them when they were sick and got them cloths, set them up on the couch with comfy pillows and blankets...helped them get to the bowl or toilet to throw up. Didn't mind any of it. When they became pre-teens and teens this repulsion crept in and surprised me. Even stranger...I really don't mind their presence at all and even enjoy it at times...when we're out or at DH's parents' house. Went to dinner with DH, SS and SS's friend last night, for example, and had a delightful conversation and a good time. If he'd been eating in my house, I would have felt differently. 

1. The thing I dispise about being a SM, that my rules don't matter. That the second I turn my back any and all rules that were set by DH and myself are gone and no longer matter. The lying and putting a stop to it all, the two sets of rules and being considered evil because I care. 

2. The thing I hate about when my SS11 is around, he lives with us and is gone every other weekend and then Friday nights. I cannot be me. I caught him "peeping" at me getting dressed last week and about lost it. I have no private space, no quiet time, and my husband is a different person when he is around. When he is gone, the stress level in our house disappears and everyone notices. I am always on eggshells. Everytime he opens his mouth and lies and argues I just want to take all of his belongings away. He is sooooooo spoiled. 

1) DH being a Disney Dad, rewarding bad behaviour, and basically allowing the snowflakes to sh!t on him from a great height without ever having any consequences for said behaviour. 

2) The fact that I'd disengaged meaning I was left alone most of every other weekend for 12 years while they enjoyed themselves elsewhere. 

3) The fact that DH overpayed CS so that we had to live in a small house and never went anywhere exciting on our one, 7 day holiday per year.  

4) The fact that the snowflakes were allowed to disrespect me in my own house and never got punished for it by DH.  If I said anything about it to him, there would be a huge argument usually.  

What is it that you hate most about being a step mom? 

Nothing I am a Step Dad  lol

Is it taking on the motherly responsibilities of another woman (who is neither a friend or relative of yours?) 

 Don’t really resent this since Bio Dad recognises that I have done this and doesn’t try to tak it away from me

Co parenting with the bio mom and having to deal with her at all

Nope, Bio Dad rarely actually co-parents

Unrealistic expectations by the bio parent and the society

Sometimes this has been a problem.

Being misunderstood and unfairly judged as the evil step mom

More had the fear when SDs were little of being the evil step dad or the creepy stepdad ( no bios of my own) The Step Father Horror movie series didn’t help this at all   lol

Having to tolerate the skids bad behaviour without the rights to lash out at them or punish them

Not having full out right to just drop the hammer on a routine basis is more the problem.

Feeling used and unappreciated 

DING DING DING  !!!!!!!

Playing mom to kids who will still choose their fucked up mom over you and may forget all you ever done for them as soon as they move out?

Bio Dad isn’t f’d up but just not the one who raised them, and they treat me like that before they move out

Sharing your husband in terms of finances, time, affection and loyalty

Sharing my DW with an parasite SD sucks hard !!!!!!

Feeling like a third wheel / new comer, SO and skid have shared history you will never share in and startede building a relationship before you came along

Been around long enough that history doesn’t really bother me.

2. What is it that you hate about having s kid around?

Is it their annoying behaviour

Yes !

Extra responsibility and cleaning up after them

Yes !!!!

SO's divided attention and s kid competing for SO's attention

Yes !!!!!!!!

Privacy limits?

Absofrickinlutely !!!!!!!!

1.  I guess at the root of it I dislike the complications and consequences I end up being a party to for something that I had no part in creating. 

2. Privacy and restrictions on our ability to do things sometimes .  Overall, the restrictions weren't horrible.. but I probably could have thought of things we rather would have done than drive 4 hours round trip to drop kids off..lol.  Privacy was mostly due to me being a bit introverted.. so sometimes the general chaos of kids was overwhelming because I wasn't used to it.  The girls were mostly not bad... I felt about the same way when one of my DH's friends/employee stayed with us basically all of one summer lol

1. What is it that you hate most about being a step mom? 

Responsibility without Authority.  DH assumes (he's better now but slips up now and then) that I'll be in charge of things, or make decisions for everyone but then when I need to make sure things happen, or a skid does something wrong or need to correct skid for pretty much anything I am NOT right to do that.

Then the undermining begins, "Oh, SD12 you don't really have to do that." or "Cover, can we maybe think about doing x instead of y?  Skid need to do z instead, she'd like that better." 

BM also doesn't use questions but directives, no please, no thank you.  She's dropped off SDs before for me to take them home during my commute with zero notice and no thank yous.  I don't answer her emails/texts any longer if DH is cc'd and if I'm the recipient, only if it's a true need do I answer.

2. What is it that you hate about having s kid around?

SD14 - she's a sneak, she's dirty, she's a liar, she's a user, she's entitled to the hilt.  BUT she's not longer around so there's that. 

SD12 - not too many complaints.  Maybe sometimes she needs more attention than most; as she gets older she's become more involved in the household and sometimes I tell DH that I need a break because she's been with me all day.  But I never, ever let her know that.

1)  Feeling as if I'm responsible for "fixing" all the problems that both led to DH & BM's divorce and resulted from their divorce. Also, feeling as if I am somehow accountable - just by my existence - for any discomfort or tension SSs feel about anything. This is the impression I get from BM, DH's family, and even sometimes from DH. In my view, these expectations are behind both the "you knew what you were getting into" that SMs always hear and also "you're supposed to love them like your own" sentiment.  

2) When SSs are around, I can no longer rely on DH for anything. It's like I'm single again. Despite that, he expects me to be there to help him manage things for SSs, while not expecting anything from them. I feel like the cruise director or hotel manager when they are around. I'm supposed to keep things running, but stay silent and have no needs of my own while SSs are around, while also keeping a smile on my face and acting happy to see them at all times. 

I hate the unrealistic expectations from skids, DH, extended family and society.

I hate not being able to talk to skids like I talk to my own kid.

I hate skid's negative attitudes.

I hate how skids turn Dh into an animal because they are such aholes that he gets so angry.

1. It’s taking on another woman’s responsibility for sure. SD is fine I guess but I have my own child, work, and life to take care of. I hate that I have to fairly share my time and resources with another persons child. Maybe that makes me awful but I feel like I could do more for me and my own son if she weren’t around. 

2. It’s the extra responsibly and cost. We don’t get child support. SD listens to me, I have every right to discipline and expect privacy and all, so my only issue is literally her existing as an extra responsibility and cost. 

I feel horrible saying this because honestly I know SD loves me and doesn’t have a good mother figure and wants that from me, and as much as I try, it’s a burden whereas mothering my son is an incredible gift/joy. I do my best not to show any of these feelings though. 

The things that bothered me most were BM getting all in a twist that my son exists. My OSS12 was getting a bit worked up that his dad was spending more time with my BS11 than with him. This is not BS11's fault. BM did not handle this well. It caused a lot of drama. I guess as mother that got me. It bugged me that today when dropping off his kids they didn't even say bye - even though we get on really well. It bothers me that I didn't speak up about it. I know that they will have big emotional consequences if BM sees them being affectionate with me, but it still bugs me. They do say good and genuine affectionate byes when my SO takes them from here and we're not in BM's sphere. 

I am putting my house on the market and it bugs me that my partner is not able to contribute as much financially because he is still on BM's mortgage re. court order and will be for at least 6 more years. It bugs me that she does this because she does not want to work so she can be there for her kids, but I work full time. It bugs me I'm moving and having to buy a house that's bigger than I really need so his kids can each have a room so that in his fantasy they can come and live with us. 

Randomly it bugs me that OSS always goes on about how he hates our city and loves the countryside. This could be his actual, genuine preference, but I feel that much of this is BM's influence. It could also be that having myself grown up in some P.O.S podunk town I got out when I could and now live in a global city which has its challenges, but I love it. When I was a teen I too thought I wouldn't want to live in a big city. Now I wouldn't go back. So maybe that's my own issue. 

I love my SO so much. My life is sooooo much better with him than it was before. He is a great parenting support to me. I love that when we're out, no one realises we're a step family, because we really do get along. 

I honestly can't stand the whole role of being another parent to the kids. Because yes, taking over the moms responsibilities comes with all the annoyances of all your possible answers mentioned. I didn't have these kids. SHE did .so why the hell should I have to take over her role, full-time at that, while she decides she tired of being a mom and is off living her own life. I get it, its not the kids fault but long story short, I put up with so much drama from BM and older SD with that mouth and crap she's done over the years that I'm tired. I'm tired of doing all the extra work raising your kids while raising my own and having to feed yours more, clean up extra , and care for your youngest who has a mental disability. So now, I have to slightly push my kids aside because unfortunately the step kids have more needs. 80% of the time, I can't stand being a SM. But, I'm needed and I try my best, but I wish I didn't have to become the full-time SM and wish I could have at least been part time. I miss the privacy and freedom mostly.