Step-moms: Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in some other family’s war against themselves.
Saw this quote the other day: Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in some other family’s war against themselves. Not sure what the original quote was in reference too, but thought it summed up how a lot of us SMs feel in just one sentence, including that we are often thought of and treated as collateral damage vs. someone's spouse or SO.
This got me thinking. . . anyone else have a good quote or words to sum up step-life in a sentence or two? Might be useful to have in one place, so when someone asks, we can print it off and say, "Here you go!" 
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My ex husband once said to me
My ex husband once said to me "You know how sometimes you are always right?"
Omg this quote just made me
Omg this quote just made me cry a little... this hits me so hard. Thank you for sharing it
Here are some more: ―
Here are some more:
― “Stepparenting is like working at a late-night convenience store — all of the responsibility and none of the authority.”
― “Trying to make someone love you is like trying to climb uphill during an avalanche.”
― “External influences create internal chaos.”
These three are from Valerie J. Lewis Coleman, Blended Families An Anthology
― "Make meals. Plan activities. Coordinate parties. Remember the details. Organize the schedule. Teach. Discipline. Love. But you're just the step-mom, so butt out."
Here's another one from
Here's another one from Wednesday Martin:
― "Stepmothers need to put their own adjustment and self-care first, rather than siphoning energy away from that to "fix" something that you didn't break yourself."
This ↑ ↑ ↑ is what is really at the heart of how I feel now years down the road from an eye-opening experience and much research. This and what another SM blogger recently wrote on another site: "The hardest thing is not any one of many painfully gut wrenching moments or memories. It's that in the final analysis, I loved them, and expected love in return... and there was just nothing."
The reality is, it is not our job to fix something that we didn't break, it is not our job to put up with being treated as a lesser wife, and it is not our job to accept nothing (or worse) in return for love. Our job is just like everyone else's job in this world--to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others, if need be. “Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” ~Max Ehrmann
Take care of yourself from the inside out so that you can fully experience life.
Sometimes we are just the
Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in some other family’s war against themselves.
Only when you allow yourself to be. I told my DH I was uninterested in putting all my effort into his now annulled first marriage/skids. I have life aspirations and that doesn't include a resource dump into another woman's household. At the beginning of our relationship I was a single mom, worked FT, went to school FT and often had to work OT. My plate was full. DH could see how much I worked and hit the bed at night exhausted. Of course MIL thought I was a witch on a crusade against his ex and skids. Uh no, when I have a spare few hours, I will spend it with my children, not being one more person stuck up the skid's butt. Now, I am done with school, I still have no interest in resource dumping into BMs household. Yep, I am more concerned with making sure my household and children are well cared for- I think that is very normal for any woman. In laws won't even approach the subject of skids anymore, they have nothing to say when I counter with, Oh yeah, you think BM is concerned if my kids have "xyz"? I work hard, I am exhausted most of the time, I have no interest in taking on other peoples' children - I am not going to apologize for that.
DH understands where I come from. It has taken years and I have asked him to leave my home a few times. He knows I can and will survive without him if I wanted. I think that really is the key to him changing- he knows I won't put up with certain things. We went through years of adjustment and I almost ended our relationship several times, but 7 years later, we are in a good place.
Nice to read a step-story
Nice to read a step-story with a Happy Ending, and it all started with you saying, "No!"
Stepmom: For she too is a mother...
"Step Mother: One who does all the things that a Biological Mom does, yet gets rejected and degraded regardless of how great she is. She loves and cares for anothers child with all she has while denying her own happiness. She invests her heart and soul into a child that she did not birth. She sustains mistreatment and unfairness, yet remains steadfast in her battle. She is portrayed as a monster, although she is a saint. She waits and hopes for the day that she will be acknowledged, appreciated, accepted, and loved. For she too is a Mother."