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The age is six...

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Thu, 02/01/2018 - 7:35pm

In case you were wondering at what age the children consciously start plotting their steps exit—it’s six.

Today me and SS were in the car and as we pass BMs (one road town) SS tells me “Fiance3 is home...hey Max how do I get rid of him, he’s mean...I don’t like him”

Yep. My sweet little six year stepboy is having mini-husband problems with BMs live-in. She started seeing him coming up on two years now and he’s live with her for most of it. I guess I should be grateful he isn’t planning my exit route instead :O

Comments

Dovina's picture

Submitted by Dovina on Thu, 02/01/2018 - 7:48pm

Oh my!!! That would have been a good teachable moment for the 6 year old. Explaining to him about respecting parents choices, understanding that children do not have a say who their parents are with etc. Except after that talk I am sure he would be plotting your demise too }:) Wonder what he will be like at 16......

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Thu, 02/01/2018 - 8:03pm

Oh I told him, “sweetheart, if BM loves him then she’s going to marry him and you’ll have to find a way to be friends” I am still shocked he asked.

And I’m absolutely terrified of his teen years. I thought I had another three before he got all vengeful on me.

Focused_onourlife's picture

Submitted by Focused_onourlife on Thu, 02/01/2018 - 8:38pm

I agree, 6 was the age my OSD told me that she and her brother (BM OBS) were trying to get rid of their BM's live in BF. At age 7, her second visit, after finding out I was pregnant with our OBS she told me a "secret" to not tell my DH, that the day before when i was at work DH kissed his ex wife (her ex SM) when they picked up YSD (YSD blurted out "no he didn't" and I saw OSD whisper something to YSD through the mirror). Of course i couldn't keep that secret and asked DH as soon as he got back into the car, in front of her. He asked her why she lied and asked if she didn't want us together, she then started crying and the conversation was over.

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Thu, 02/01/2018 - 9:01pm

I've pretty well raised my stepdaughter. I've been in her life since 1 year old, lived with her since 3 years old, she's now 6. BM is barely involved. We were great until I had my baby a few months back. We were actually at DH's family's house visiting and as soon as everyone left the room, this little girl that I had raised as my own looked at me and said "why are you still here? isn't it time for you to leave?" I had to hold back tears as I said "I'm here because I'm part of this family."

It nearly broke my heart. Since having my son, she wants nothing to do with me.

Cooooookies's picture

Submitted by Cooooookies on Fri, 02/02/2018 - 2:33am

That sounds like something an adult would say, not a 6 year old. I know you say BM is barely involved but it would seem she's involved just enough to start brainwashing her daughter. Someone is grooming this little one to start to hate you.

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Fri, 02/02/2018 - 9:20am

I'm not too sure about that because BM doesn't care much about SD to do something like that. She's happy someone else is raising her. I think SD feels left out with the new baby and thought once we went to visit family, it'd be all about her again, but the baby was again getting attention. I don't think she realized that dad's family would also be the baby's family... so she wanted to remind me of my place or something? Not too sure. Sucks though because I have put a lot into her.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Submitted by Myss.Tique D'Off on Fri, 02/02/2018 - 6:03am

I would want to know why a 6 year old has such strong feelings about anyone.

Sure, 6 year olds can be jealous of people who have relationships with their parents - even in an "intact" family sibs may be jealous of other kids or of Mom and Dad. It is not unheard of.
However, what concerns me is why this child feels the need (and even empowered) to get rid of an adult. I suspect there may be some sort of bad vibe in the house or even abuse of some sort (whether verbal or physical or worse).

His statement alone would be of concern to me - and I would not dismiss it or think the child as a "mini-husband". Something is not right here.

Ilumine's picture

Submitted by Ilumine on Fri, 02/02/2018 - 7:25am

Maybe it’s this site influencing your perspective, but I do not see that conversation as a “plot to do harm for the sake of being the only man in BMs life”, but a normal 6 yo - with the age appropriate maturation and cognitive thought processes.

It sounds like there is something going on with BM’s SO. It could be growing pains, a clash of personalities or something more/worse. At 6, I would try to figure out what it is first.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Submitted by Myss.Tique D'Off on Fri, 02/02/2018 - 7:41am

Ilumine, I think you and I are at cross purposes because I agree fully with what you write.

"It sounds like there is something going on with BM's SO". I fully agree with this. I suspect that SS's behaviour is off toward BM or the child - whether a bad vibe or abuse, but something triggered a reaction in the child that is out of sorts. I have no reason to suspect that the child's reaction is not age appropriate or incorrect: in fact it seems like a "out of the mouths of babes" situation.

I dont see the conversation as a "plot to do harm for the sake of being the only man in BMs life" and I am not sure where you are reading this. I see the "getting rid" of fiance as almost a protective or defensive statement on the part of the child.

My bottom line is that something (to me at least) seems amiss here. I will not dismiss the concerns of the child or his statements so easily.