You would think that SS turning 18 would finally give us some peace.. but it seems not. This needs some background, sorry for it being long.

The story so far: DH has two kids with BM. SD now almost 23 and SS just turned 18. Originally both kids lived with him, BM was never interested in them and they went eow visitation (unless she was 'busy' or had a party to go to or didnt feel like it etc). Later on SD then 16 became Pas'd by BM against us, she hated me and so went to live with BM. BM ofc only allowed this because she was 16 and she could leave her on her own etc. So, BM had one kid there and we had one kid here. Previously, BM had paid DH a paltry amount of cs for the skids. Now with the new arrangement they agreed that neither of them should physically pay anything to each other as the two amounts cancelled each other out.
Eventually SS stopped wanting to go to visit BM eow back when he was 14, we continued to take him over there but he kept running away from her. BM was all kind of stupid and couldn't handle him at all got really angry and went to the court to have a legal document made up that her own son should not come to visit her anymore ( :? ). So he didn't. There's a lot of background story to all this. BM is a complete narc, manipulative, arrogant and demanding. According to her she had 'only rights and no responsibilities' her words. During this time over ten years BM only went to 2 of the total of 40 parents evenings at SS's school. She hardly contacted him and stopped sending birhday or xmas cards or presents.

Last year in July we moved to This town (2 hours drive from BM Town where we lived previously). Shortly after we arrived I was quite ill because of the move and my medical conditions plus my parents in the UK had their golden wedding anniversary party the day after we arrived. All still in boxes etc. So.. we didn't think for a second about BM. She had not previously been in contact with SS for months anyway. Then 3 days later DH gets an email with her being very aggressive about the fact that we moved and demanding to have the new address and telephone number. OK, we would have given it anyway as we legally had to despite her lack of being anywhere near a parent. Since then it was radio silence again for months until we hear about 6 weeks ago that SD was working. We had suspected this for a long time but of course BM kept it quiet even though it is her legal duty to inform DH because it affects CS. She is no long entitled to cs for SD and so now would have to to go back to paying the small amount to DH for SS.

DH and I discussed this and we were, I thought, a bit of the mind that it wasn't worth the hassle from her to persue it. But suddenly DH told me he had sent her an email asking if SD were working...nothing else, just that. What we got in return was biblical. Must say, BM has never liked to spend a dime on those kids. Never bought hardly any clothes, never a coat or shoes, never paid towards any extra curriculars, even baulked at paying 5 dollars (euro equivalent) for SS's scouts activity that fell on one of her weekends.

BM called DH because of him asking this question. Now, DH long ago stopped answering her calls because of her lying, shouting and being generally abusive and had gone to email or text only. For some reason he didn't look at who was calling and absentmindedly picked up the call. She was going crazy about the fact that he had asked if SD was working now, asking 'why do you want to know that???' shouting etc. He just said 'well, then she comes off the cs and you need to set up your payment for SS now that's all'. BM started to shout about how DH had turned SS against her and was stopping him seeing her! Which was rich as she had not contacted him for months. Then her new husband came on the phone shouting, swearing and even threatening DH then back to BM continuing the abuse and then finally SD took over the phone and started screaming down the phone at her father saying 'you are taking all my mother's money!!' He finally ended the call at that point.

I am very annoyed that he even answered that call and even more that he let it go from one of them to the other. He claims he wanted to hear their crap and to try to put some sensibleness into it. Yeah, that went well. Since then BM demanded his account number. But there was no payment. In the meantime DH consulted a lawyer for a once off to be sure that he had it right about SS turning 18 etc. He was assured by this lawyer that once SS is 18 ALL responsibilites on DH to have to be in contact with BM ends. No contact necessary WHATSOEVER. SS is an adult and can decide to see her or not see her etc. SS had already told her on the phone that he did not want contact with her. She seems to be unable to accept that. I could understand it if she had been anywhere near a normal caring mother but she has done nothing but avoid having him and actually been quite neglectful. He has no feelings for her.

Since the phone call we heard nothing for about 6 weeks then suddenly, end of last week BM sends an email to DH saying that she has put 59$ into his account as cs. The amount should be indexed and should now actually be 69$. Then she added that she wanted to know which school he was at, how he is doing etc. This is funny because since we moved it's the first time she has actually asked which school he is attending BUT she had claimed in the ranting phone call that DH did not tell her which school. If she had straight up asked he would have told her as he would have been legally required to do so previous to SS turning 18.

This was 3 days before SS's 18th. He didnt answer the email right away. We were heading out for a birthday meal with SS and DH then received a text from BM saying 'tell SS happy birthday for me' She had sent no card etc, she has the land line that she could have attempted to speak to SS on. Doubt she would be successful as SS won't speak to her but she chooses to put DH in the middle by this text asking that he pass on birthday greetings. What kind of mother does that?? When we got back DH replied to her email sayingthat the amount was on his account, it was incorrect and should be indexed. He said that SS was doing very well in school and was top of his class (this is actually true this year). DH wrote that as SS was now 18 he wouldn't be acting as a go between for her with SS.

That same evening (birthday night)she replied to his email saying that she demanded to know 1) which school he was at 2) proof of how he is doing and 3) what sports he is doing. His cell phone number and his private email. Then she added that DH would be receiving a letter from her lawyer. :? about what for christsakes? The boy is 18... surely the lawyer .... I give up wondering as this BM is an amazing liar and seems to live in her own world where what she wants has to happen and only she has rights. SS actually called her at 9.30 pm to tell her yet again that he was now 18 and didn't want any further contact with her. It went to voicemail and he left that message on there.

What sports he is doing?? this may seem a totally normal question for you guys in the US as I know sports are very important part of school there. But... it's not here. SS has to do some physical education they call it, every week. He has always hated it and has never shown the remotest interest in any form of sports 'games'. He uses his cycle a lot, does some walking with the Scouts etc but he is not a sports guy, she should know that so it's a strange question.

The 'letter from her lawyer' thats confusing too. I have my suspicions that they are brewing up something again. It's like DH has to be punished and pay in some way if she is asked to fulfill any kind of obligation towards her kids. She is unbelievable. SS is high functioning Autistic, very high functioning as he has spent the last year and a half in a normal school and not special needs ed. He follows a specific skilled tradesman course and has done very well, improving his confidence and abilities to interact. I wonder though if she is using the Autistic card to try and claim that him turning 18 makes no difference because of this, that he does not know what he wants and cant make decisions etc. She has always had that attitude and kept him from maturing and having social contact. She even once said that 'he can't do anything:He's autistic'. Somehow I don't think it is this, as far as I know autistic or not 18 means adult and making your own decisions. For this reason I am afraid. BM is a vindictive and very nasty character. I would not be surprised if she has encouraged SD to make a complaint against DH for 'emotional abuse' like they have informally claimed years ago . Another long story. DH has never emotional, physically or in any other way abused her. He is a very mild mannered and decent man but aparently being asked to take a shower and not to throw your used sanitary items in the back of the wardrobe is emotional abuse.
BM had her flying monkeys send threatening emails and fb messages to us (we still have them) and they went around saying that SD should have made a complaint about him. To be honest DH should have made a complaint about them slandering him but that all goes into court cases and lawyers fees trying to clear your name and we don't have money for that and they know it. So they can go around abusing and threatening us. It has been a nightmare. This was years ago when SD was 16, she never made an actual formal complaint, she has never had therapy that we know of or had psychiatric treatment for it as far as we are aware (BM would have been sure to let EVERYONE know if that were the case). I see no way that they could convice a court that anything like that happened to her. I can't believe how messed up and evil SD, BM and now the new husband are. All because they didn't get to do exactly as they pleasd. How to find out quickly if someone is a narc? just say no to them and see the result

We shall have to wait for this Lawyer's letter. Always stress.