Just an observation on parents who share custody...
After my last post (sorry for double posting!) I started thinking... isn't it odd how so many parents who share custody seem to always want to give up even MORE time with their kids? It seems like a lot of divorced parents get new spouses and proceed to try and pawn the kids off onto the new spouse or make the new spouse take some responsibility for their child; thus losing even MORE time with their kids.
I just can't comprehend it. You already share your child with the other parent, why do you also want to share the child with your spouse? Why can't you just enjoy parenting on your own - you get a bigger break than ANY parents in an intact family yet you want even more of a break? Sorry... I'm kind of ranting but it seems like a common thing that skids who have two homes are passed onto stepparents on this board.
Anybody else find this odd?
Just an observation...
It's more than likely the
It's more than likely the parents pawning off their kids as much as possible are also the parents who think their precious snowflakes can do no wrong, but they need a break from them because they are just awful.
Sometimes is about family
Sometimes is about family roles and traditions.
Growing up my dad was the provider and my mom the caretaker.
If my parent's had split my dad wouldn't have known what to do with us. He wouldn't know how to actually care for us or even play with us.
Now my boyfriend is coming out of a family where he was the bad guy. Mom played with the kids and never disciplined so the kids never played with dad because dad was the one who 'corrected' them. BM set him up to be the bad guy and still attempts to keep it that way. Even the preschool teacher makes the mistake of "wait till your dad finds out". It's hard to break that.
My partner is having to learn what it means to play with his children. How to be more than just the one who brings home the check. He wants his children full time but even the kids are having to learn the difference. Bio-mom basically didn't let him. I've seen this first hand when they are in the same place she will take the children and the second one acts up she tries sending them back to dad. It was very hard to watch.
BioHo expected DH to be home
BioHo expected DH to be home whenever she wanted to pawn the skids off on him outside of his regular visitation so she could go out drinking and get some nooky (drinking was secondary...). DH was even brat-sitting Spawn10! DH started telling her 1) she could no longer bring Spawn over, and 2) he was not always available. 'Ho was absolutely furious that DH was cutting into HER nooky/drinking time.
Wanna drink and 'ho around? Don't poop out FIVE CHILDREN.
LOL 5 children and still
LOL 5 children and still wants alone time... that's hilarious. My sister stopped after 1 because she realized quickly that she was excited to get back to being selfish... which I applaud. She's a great mom who never pawns off her kid, but she's not about to lengthen the amount of time spent being last.
Haha - I'm in the same boat,
Haha - I'm in the same boat, except BM wants to go to the casino with her husband. Before he met me, DH would sometimes have to take time off from work, because BM wouldn't come home on time to pick up the kids, she would tell him her flight was cancelled or she had an early work meeting she forgot about. DH has EOWE and BM had a total meltdown when he suggested that they move to giving him more parenting time, but she sure loves to give up her weekends with the kids. What bothers me the most is that her requests are a) always last minute and b) never direct requests. She'll text DH to say "I can't believe you don't want to spend more time with the kids. If I only saw them on weekends, I'd miss them so much." When he doesn't reply, she'll say "I would totally be willing to give you time this weekend if you wanted it." When he doesn't reply to that, she'll say "no really, I need you to take the kids this weekend." At that point, he's so annoyed that she tried to make him feel like a bad father and then lied to him that he usually ignores her. She's sent him these texts on Friday when she wants him to take the kids that evening. I plan our adult outings around the schedule with the kids, so sometimes we can accommodate her, but sometimes we can't. Also, if it wasn't an emergency like a funeral, don't come to me and expect me to drop everything. If you knew about whatever event you wanted to attend in advance, don't wait until the last minute to get child care. Of course, soon enough, BM will not ask DH at all, she'll just leave the kids home alone for the weekend. She has a 15 year old stepson, who apparently spends weekends by himself when she goes away. He's spent weekends by himself for at least a year. Can't wait until she comes home after a weekend away and her house is totally trashed, because the kids invited all of their friends over.
I know custodials (not 50 50)
I know custodials (not 50 50) who pawn the children off on everyone BUT they had to have full time. $$$$$ Cha ching Gosh forbid the non custodial has more overnights.
OP interesting observation I would love to see stats on that in the next several years.
This is one of the things
This is one of the things we're dealing with. She won't even give him extra weekends. She works 16 hour shifts. Drops the kids at grandma's Friday night and picks then up from school Monday but hell no biodad can't get them more. Why should they ever spend time with him?
xH and I share custody, at
xH and I share custody, at least on paper, he is entitled to 50/50. The other day he tells me that the reason he hasn't called, skyped and couldn't take the kids this summer is because he had to woooooorrrrrk sooooo much AND that he was trying really hard to work on the relationship w/his new gf and SHE didn't want his kids around. I told him that anyone he chooses to share his life should understand that he has responsibilites. He said, "Well you have a partner, I just want the same." I told him that DH absolutely understands that I have to take care of the kids and their needs. He'd be stupid to think he'd get constant undivided attention from a mother w/a small herd of children.
So it goes, throwing new gf under the bus as the wicked one who already hates his kids that she hasn't even met. Maybe she doesn't want them around but xH also doesn't want the hassle of having to juggle work, his kids and a new gf. DH picks up a lot of slack in the father area since their dad is just sooo busy.
But yeah, I was looking forward to having 1/2 the summer off and didn't get it.
I don't consider time with my
I don't consider time with my wife and SS as her giving up time with him. The premise ... or if you prefer... the math.... of your OP does not equate in my opinion. We were the 3 Musketeers and it was rare that we were not all together. The notable period of exception was when I was in grad school and she was completing her undergrad then started grad school. I took kid duty regularly when she had class or had to study. That is part of being in a marriage and family. No sacrifice of time with the kid. Just events that occur in life.
If anything my wife would have liked more time with the Skid when he was growing up. Putting him on a plane for SpermLand visitation was for may years an emotionally traumatic 3x per year event.
I had to put my foot down eventually to get her to do anything while the Skid was visiting the SpermClan. Eventually we learned to enjoy that couple time.
MY DH has split 50/50 custody
MY DH has split 50/50 custody of SS7. He has him Sunday - Wednesday mornings and every other Saturday.
He has always said he would love to have full custody of SS. I always keep my mouth shut, but it really bugs me that he says that because he gives SS to MIL at every chance he can. If me and my bios are gone doing something, he will take SS to MIL and then go do whatever it is he wants with his friends. He is constantly taking him to MIL's. I just think why in the world would you want full custody when you don't even spend the time you get with him now actually with him??!!