Oh boy. Not cool. One who has nothing to hide has no problem being transparent. If DH asked me for my phone at any given time of the day or night, I would hand it over without a second thought.. because I have nothing to hide. How old is your skid(s)?

While exchanging texts isn't necessarily cheating, having to delete them implies some sort of intimacy, or desire to be secretive.

I'm a big believer of "If you wouldn't do it in front of me, or don't want me to know about it, don't do it at all" when it comes to interpersonal dynamics with another person.

If you wouldn't want me to see a kissy face emoji to your ex on your phone, don't send it.

There shouldn't be any issues with you having seen the pictures. You knew she asked about them. He sent them.

1) you were already riding him about it - he responded that he didn't want you to get mad over nothing.
2) you looked at the texts, then tricked him into getting caught. You got upset.

I know and you know that the reason you got upset is not because of the pictures, but because he deleted them. It makes you feel shitty.
HE thinks, likely, that you're pissed off because he sent the pictures.

He can't wrap his mind around the idea that you might be pissed off at the secretiveness about it... and not the pictures themselves... but TO HIM, HE WAS RIGHT. Pictures were sent, you got upset.

On the other hand... he admitted sharing personal details about your life to her. She might be the mother of his children, but she is AN EX. Would he call any other ex to blab about your marriage woes? No? Then he probably shouldn't talk to her about them.

Also... he might be on the defensive already, because you're so insecure. He could think anything he does, you will get upset...so he tries to hide it from you... not to be secretive like he's donig anything wrong, but rather to hide it from you hoping you won't find out so that he won't get in trouble.

She definitely has some boundary issues... but so does he. No other woman should be aware of your marital issues. Your husband should not be confidante to another woman but you. It's emotionally intimate... and that can be just as damaging as any other inappropriately shared intimacy.

"It was after I was riding DH about allowing me to see the texts between them and he refused. He said I would just make an issue out of nothing and read into it the wrong way."

1. Reading someone's texts.. demanding to read texts.. that is controlling and indicates a lack of trust. If you don't trust someone, don't be in a relationship with them.

2. Some people are able to carry on a civil if not friendly relationship with their EX's. That doesn't mean they are having an affair. It doesn't mean they are aching to get back together. It just means that they are able to carry on a non-hostile relationship. It may even mean the communicate on "nonkid" topics. That in itself does not mean it is a danger to a subsequent relationship, though it is something that the new partner will have to deal with.

So, it sounds like he will justify keeping it from you or deleting texts is because you WOULD and DID make a big deal about it.

Unfortunately, you really can't have a healthy relationship where you DEMAND transparency and expect your partner to give you all their passwords and let you look through your phone and harass you about who you spoke with on any given day.

He's triangulating you and BM so you will both "fight " for him. It's also going to make you feel insecure and off balance. Ignore it and don't let him see you sweat. If I were you I would also start trying to get proof of cheating or emotional cheating (still cheating IMO). He sounds like a creep.

My xh and I have a good post divorce relationship. Wasn't always like that but none the less is has been good for 15 years at least.

It would NOT be unusual for me to send him a short text. OR a telephone call "HEY we are having this event do you's want to come". Matter of fact he sent me one to me last week. Right away I told my husband about it as a form of sharing info.

Nothing more than sharing info.

I would NEVER attempt to hide any conversation I had with my x with my dh.

Either your dh is attached to bm still OR he lacks empathy about your concerns. Both of which are awful.

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What is MarcoPolo chat thing?

When it comes to emotional affairs, sometimes men are stupid and don't realize that what they're doing/saying is crossing a line, but in your situation, he deleted the texts which goes to show that he DID know what he was doing and was well aware of it at the time of texting, too. He knew full-well that he was crossing the line and that makes it NOT okay.

Did or has he shown any type of remorse about it? Aside from apologizing, because quite frankly, that's not enough. I've always had a "dump cheaters immediately" rule except in the case where my boyfriend (the most serious boyfriend i've had aside from DH) cheated on me, and the next day, we had plans to hangout. The ENTIRE day, he could hardly look at me. At night, we went to a get together and he got so drunk he laid in the grass crying.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the HECK was going on.

This man was usually well composed and NOT one to get wasted and cry lol this was really, really unusual behaviour. He kept crying drunkenly telling me he loved me and he doesn't deserve me and on and on. Finally one of his friends took me aside and told me that the night before, he had cheated. He was a complete wreck about it. I took him back, only because he clearly saw what happened as a mistake and felt guilty.

So anyways, that's my story.... If he doesn't show remorse for hiding things from you, I wouldn't stick around.

I am confused; I thought you were cleaning out your house and getting ready to move south to your dream?

Remember the SM who was pregnant with their "ours" child who suspected her DH and BM were having an emotional affair, and then when the baby was about a month old he announced he was going back to BM? It was a few years ago. I wonder how she's doing--it was utterly heartbreaking for her--I can't even imagine. All to say that it's not outside the realm of possibility.

When I was younger, I would have done the same as your husband. Now if just tell my DH to pound sand. The day he needs to see my texts to feel secure is the day we're done.

I was going to write exactly what Echo did: People with nothing to hide...hide nothing. He deleted them right in front of you. Which means he's more concerned with keeping his ex-wife happy than he is you. You're second fiddle and she's first.

I had similar problems with my DH, I'll be honest. He and BM2 text a lot and it was always her telling him stuff that was about her personal life or reminiscing and nothing to do with SS14. Her favorite was to post memories on social media about when they were together. I straight up told him that you don't have to stick your d*ck in someone else to have an affair, you're doing it now. It stops or I'm out. I literally started to pack and it changed his mind super quick.

My DH has chosen me 100% and has even told BM2 to pound sand many times this year. That doesn't always happen but what would you rather put up with? Being alone with your self worth and dignity in tact or being left overs to your own husband?

How do you want to live your life?

My 2 cents on this....

You moved out, you have your own place right, or you plan to... Now hon as hard as it may be, your marriage is very close to being over, your DH will not change, he's still connected to BM and he lies to you about it. That's not ok.

Simply stay at your place and have a couple of nights a week for yourself, during these nights you go out with friends an enjoy it, after a couple off months take stock of your life and your marriage, then divorce.

You already do not trust DH, he lies to you.... once trust is gone it can never be repaired, and once there's no trust in a relationship... it's over