Is this about DH and BM interacting or is this about DH lying about interacting with BM?

Is your DH lying to you because he's afraid of how you will react? Sometimes we over react to things so men think it's best to keep it from us. Maybe you should tell him "there's nothing wrong with communicating with BM about emergencies, school or behavior".

Based on what you have written, you really have no clue if DH was in contact (via phone, email, text) recently or at all.

You said back in May that BM visits her son about once a week , sometimes once every two weeks and comes and stay at DH's parents house for the overnight visit.

Before you totally meltdown over this glimpse of SS's message from Mom, why not take the time to find out the facts. It's ridiculous to think the parents will never ever say one word to each other. And whatever the communication was (or when), it was about the child ("Dad told me...")

Dh could have mentioned sometime briefly and in passing as he dropped off his son, or when BM texted him to say she was coming for one of the overnights. Did he contact her? Perhaps not at all.

If you are this stressed or the thought that at some time in some way your husband spoke/wrote BM, simply ask the man. SS lives with you fulltime, visits are at the grandparent's house, you have two babies with this man, you know when the man is working and when he is at home...I'm just not seeing BM being some huge threat to you.

This is the man you go to bed with every night and keep popping babies out with, if this somebody you can simply ask 'hey, DH, when did you tell Bm _________?', I don't know what to tell you. And if you don't simply ask , you're going to make yourself sick.

Just ask.

It is the lying that bothers you most, I bet....He will have to communicate on rare occasions with her, nothing regular; and...it should get less and less. But, the dishonesty needs to be addressed with him because if this or something like this continues to happen in the future...you will lose trust in him altogether.

I still occasionally talk to my ex about DD, who is an adult. Is it a regular occurrence? Of course not. But that happens, our DD recently widowed under tragic circumstances etc there were things to check up with each other. Bottom line parents talk. But lying isn't good.

Bio in our life has to have daily conversations to DD ~ Sometimes multiple conversations. She does it to stay relevant in his life. She tries to tell DD every little detail about the children daily ~ to the point where the kids don't have anything to share with their father about their day. Bio already covered it for them. She's a control freak. It drives me insane. They aren't married anymore. The children are able to speak for themselves. He says "It's always about the kids." Yet, he knows personal info about her family and if this person is in the hospital or if she has a problem with something at her house. BIO still asks DD to help "Because, I only trust you". She can make anything about the children. He usually tries to blow her off or if he does do something for her. Example put oil in her car. "It's for the children not for Bio." he says.

BS!!! Let her man to that for her. You're not her husband anymore! Welcome to my world.

I think you are overreacting, but as has been mentioned - lying about communication will only make things worse.

I had to lighten up a LOT, and this has made things easier between SO and I, and he is more willing to share things with me about his communications with BM. She tells him about her relationships, she asks about our activities. We were recently video-taped at my birthday celebration, dancing, and the video was shared, and then BM saw it and showed it to Munchkin SD11, who told me. And BM asked if SO had seen the video. Not at all skid related. I asked him not to respond. He doesnt respond. Life goes on.

Let your DH do his thing, and he will be more honest with you.