BM in need of total control
FDH is very interested in getting YFSD some extra curricular help with school; he is willing to pay for the whole thing (not asking BM for any contribution) and is willing to do the transportation (falls mainly on our scheduled days but 2x per month would be for an hour on BMs time...FDH would pick up FYSD and drop her back off after the plans)
BM is saying: she doesn't need the extra help, FDH needs to back off and unless she knows ALL THE DETAILS she will not allow FYSD to participate.
This makes me so flipping upset! This is the same woman who has basically said she is happy with FYSD just "passing" through school; FDH wants better for her and knows she is capable of more!
So, rather than coparenting...how do you parallel parent with a BM who wants total control?
Sometimes I really want to tell her off. 
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Comments
You do what you can during
You do what you can during your custodial time and that's all you do. In this case, he can miss the 2x per month that are during her time, or you can forgo it entirely. It's up to your SO.
Yes, that may be what he ends
Yes, that may be what he ends up doing. I just get so frustrated by her double standard. She signs FYSD up for stuff on FDHs time and then expects him to take her; if he says it will not work she bashes him saying he is not supportive of FYSD.
Your SO is under no
Your SO is under no obligation to take his child to any activity that he doesn't want to. BM can bash all she wants, but what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
maybe he should remind her of
maybe he should remind her of what she said when she does it...
He's done that. She is a
He's done that. She is a special mother who knows what is best for FYSD and is to be untouched! She just goes silent when he mentions the hypocrisy.
Oh he knows! And even under
Oh he knows! And even under less obligation to be a spectator on the days that are not custodial time; she claimed that him not going to FYSDs sports games even on his "kid free" time was selfish and she would make it clear to FYSD that he doesn't support her activities. Then FYSD calls him crying asking why he won't "support" her. Kid is 7!
That is a form of parental
That is a form of parental alienation.
BM over here has done this since she and DH split, when SD was almost 5. Always bashing him to her, telling her that he didn't love her, didn't want to see her, blah, blah, blah. It hurt their relationship A LOT. To this day (SD is 26) she has it in her head the her dad was never there for her.
Welcome to step hell the
Welcome to step hell the double standard of the golden uterus BM's is their way of life.
He did a private tutor at our
He did a private tutor at our home once and while she was nice, he really wants something a little more structured. This is more of a "learning program" with a weekly schedule and monthly fee. Missing days would mean 1. She is falling behind and 2. Wasting FDHs money.
This is also the same BM who gave him a hard time about contributing to a very expensive day camp and then only made her go sporadically. He has vowed that will never happen again.