I've been married to my husband for 2yrs. In May we will have been together for 5yrs. I have 1 12yr old daughter from a previous marriage and he has 3 daughters ages 12yr, 9yr, and 6yr from his previous marriage. I have never dated a guy with children till I met him and I sometimes I really wish I never had. We moved in together about a 1.5yrs after we started dating and that's when it all started. His ex is a living nightmare I can hardly even describe all the lies and attempts she has done and continues to do to purposely try to keep his kids out of my husbands life. Our first year of marriage consisted of the him and his ex in court with my husband fighting for custody of his kids because she hid the pregnancy of his youngest from him during their divorce; he tried prior to that taking her back to court for visitation for the youngest but long story short she would come up with different false claims involving marriage debts that she owed but blamed him and his attorney was not the greatest. So cases ended up being dismissed.

So for the first 4yrs of his youngest daughters life the only time him and his family would ever get at most was 2-3hrs a couple times every few months and his daughter was never permitted to stay the night and the only way she was permitted to visit the family on holidays was if his ex could stay also to monitor the situation I guess you would call it. After his divorce he never had any of his kids on Christmas morning his ex would tell him it wasn't fair to the kids to not allow the 2 oldest to wake up on Christmas morning all together as a family with their youngest sister. If it was found out that him or his family had taken the youngest to the park, drive-thru, store, eat, etc. she would cut off all visitation for months at a time until she felt he could be trusted again to obey her terms. His ex lied so much through out the court process it was unreal. She tried 9 times getting his case thrown out luckily this attorney and judge never let that happen. For starters she claimed he should not be allowed visitation because the youngest never knew he was her dad, even though him and his family had pictures of them and her from birth up and she called him dad and he was on the birth certificate.

She claimed all 3 of his kids went to pre-school even though there was no record of his 2 oldest ever attending and his youngest only attended because the courts forced her to enroll the child. She claimed his middle child took speech classes that she never had taken the teacher was called in as a witness for that. She was over 2yrs late of getting the house out of my husbands name her excuse was she really believed he would never do anything about it. During her deposition she told the courts that she don't tell the kids dad anything that goes on with the kids because she really believes its none of his business. She will sign the kids up for so many activities its crazy, they over lap, she will try to fill up all their dads time with different things then tell him he has to take them, she's even gone as far as telling him we can't take vacation with the kids because she will try and schedule them for things everyday they are with us. She's been told numerous times by the attorneys and court this is not allowed its parental interference, she just does not care she thinks rules do not apply to her. Then she made false accusations against him giving a sworn statement saying that he never paid off a car loan from their divorce that was in her name and it got reposed but we drove it all the time and he had the title she signed over to him and he had all the paperwork from the bank showing it was paid-in-full. Needless, to say she got herself in trouble for perjury and had to pay.

His ex continuosly breaks the court order and keeps the kids from him whenever she feels, she's already had 2 contempt charges filed on her, she blocks all communication from him even though he purchased his kids a phone of their own she won't allow them to use it she turns it down or shuts it off. His ex refuses to give the kids any medical treatment when they are sick because she does not believe in it. None of the kids are immunized because her 3rd or 4th cousins kid had an allergic reaction to an immunization so that's her reasoning to not immunize her children. The only treatment she will allow the children to recieve is what she gives and thats giving them a bunch of different herbs and adjusting them. But she is all about putting the 9yr in therapy because she bite her fingernails and she had the 12yr old put in therapy because she got upset at her mom because she went in her room and threw away some soveiners that she was keeping from a trip that she had taken with her dad & I (her mom knew what the things were and knew how much they meant to the child). He attend therapy sessions for a few months with his ex and the kids. She used the kids sessions for herself telling the therapist she was not ready to move on and let him go and how this would all end if he would just go back to her; they have been divorced for over 7yrs. He was not court ordered to attend the sessions I went with it until then at that point I couldn't take it anymore and me and him separated for a few months. During that time his ex continued to ride by my home even though he was no longer living or visiting there.

During one of camping trips his middle daughter got stung on the finger by a bee he took all the necessary precautions after a couple hours she was swollen up to her elbow so he took her to the ER. On the way he tried contacting his ex to let her know what was going on he got no response. At the ER he was told his daughter was having a severe allergic reaction to the bee sting she was given a shot of steroids and was sent home with a prescription for steroids and he was told not to let her get in the water for at least 7 days. The next day we were back home our camping trip was over that night his kids had a swim meet so we took them. We did not let his middle child participate as advised by the ER doctor. His ex walks up to us ask what's going on he tried handing her the paperwork and told her he tried calling and got no answer. She blew up in front of everyone their including the kids telling him how irresponsible he is and how he has no right to take it upon himself to make medical decisions for his kids. Needless, to say at drop off she refused to take any paperwork home or medicine so his child never finished any of the steroid. Two weeks later he receives a letter in the mail from her attorney (who is married to her cousin) stating that if he seeks anymore medical treatment on any of the children without is ex's permission all his visitation rights will be terminated. Now, his ex has his daughter convinced that not only are all of us lying about her being highly allergic to bees but so is the hospital and ER doctor that diagnosed it.

The kids only bathe at her house twice week. They come over smelling and their hair is so greasy, the youngest ones is always so matted up. She doesn't allow the kids to get haircuts not even trims if we say anything about it the kids flip out they fight with us about taking showers. She sends his kids around in summer clothes during the dead of winter, at times they will have no coats, hats, gloves, etc. Their clothes all come second hand and they are all either too big or too small for the kids or have holes or are covered in stains. My husband pays a signifigant amount of money in child support each week for all the kids; his ex owns her own chiropracting business but will refuses to work over 15-20hrs a week. Instead of using it the child support money for what it is intended for she uses it to pay her house bills and car payment. She tells the kids their dad doesn't give her any money for them. Her kids are on reduced lunches, she recieves the medical card for all of them, and ebt. There's even times she will go to local churches and get boxes of food. She writes all her household expenses off on taxes.(we know this because we received a copy of her taxes during the custody case) His youngest child is so behind she turns 7 in June still can't tie her shoes, button her pants, still has trouble fastening a seat belt, can't brush her own hair, can't read, hardly can write even her own first name. She only sleeps in her own bed at our house she says her mom doesn't like to sleep alone. His middle child is still unable to read words over 4-5 letters and his 12yr old weighs 153lbs won't make any effort to move all she wants to do is sit on the bed or couch. His 12yr old has already been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.The kids are not allowed to have friends come over at their moms they say that their mom tells them that the only friends they need are her and their sisters.

We have had to call the sheriffs dept on her and her parents numerous times. They would ride by the house and places we would be when we had the kids and park down the road from our house and just sit their watching our house, they would send random people over from different churches they attend. During his time at the kids games, practices, ect. his ex would come try to sit with us like nothing has ever happened, or she would come walk off with the kids never say a word to him, or she call/text him asking if the kids can go home with her when she's told no she becomes irrate and will start sending texts going off about how its not fair to the kids they want to be with her not him. She would try to text and call us and tell us what halloween/christmas decorations we could have up. The things we could and could not say, do, watch, or wear at our home. His kids even try doing the same thing. My husband and I have had to block her on all our phones. She allows her parents to babysit the kids with her brother at the house he is bi-polar and schizophrenic and has been deemed by the courts incapable of taking care of himself and has been in and out of mental institutions and jail his entire life.

She can only message now through a court ordered website. She is court ordered to put all the kids information on there and is suppose to use a calendar so that their dad can be notified in advance of activities, doctors appts etc. she refuses to use this. Just recently CPS was called on her due to neglect. She sent her 9yr old over with head lice for 5 weeks straight because she refused to treat it. We had to contact the schools she wouldn't. Apparently, she was just too busy the week before to treat it. Monday the kids had swimming, Tuesday the kids had dance, Wednesday the kids had swimming, Thursday the kids came for their mid-week visit, and Friday-Monday was their dads holiday weekend. She messaged us the Wednesday morning after the holiday to let us know oh by the way she had lice the week prior to the kids visit and she treated her the nite before she messaged with Nix and did a shampoo treatment using Repel (bottle clearly states it does not kill lice) on the other 2 kids. She said she would do follow up treatments like the box says to do she never did so for the past 5 weeks we've been dealing with this because we treat them when they come here and then they go home and get it rite back. We have had to stop the kids from bringing any bags from their moms house because our house has been infested before by flees, bed bugs, now lice. The kids say they find mice in their moms work and in their home they catch them and keep them as pets. It 's completely disgusting.

The situation is so crazy I just don't know how to handle it anymore. The older my husbands kids get the more they act like her. They are so disrespectful and treat people like garbage. The kids run stories back and fourth; many times the stories are not even true. His kids are constantly blaming my daughter for everything they do even when she is not around. His kids not only do that to my daughter but they do it to their friends and neighbor kids. It's to the point now no one wants to even play with them. His 6yr old throws fits like shes 2-3yrs she will throw herself on the floor scream kick throw things slam things. His 9yr old throws fits and when she gets in trouble or does something to someone she will start sobbing then when she thinks that she has got herself out of trouble by doing that the tears shut off as fast as they started and she will walk off smiling and laughing and go on as if nothing had ever happened. (her mother does the exact same thing she even did it in the court room) No matter how many times we talk to them about acting this way they just look at us like they could careless. They only want to talk to me, their dad, or his family when they want something that involves money. The kids are starting to treat him the same way his ex always has and its hard for me to just sit back and watch him allow himself to continuously be treated this way and I try to explain to him it's only gonna get worse the older they get if he doesn't do something about it now.

I just really don't understand it never in a million years would my daughter treat people the way his kids do most of all her dad or family and his kids are suppose to be church kids. I would never and have never tried to shut my daughters dad or his family out of her life the way she has my husband with his kids; we have shared parenting, we get along great, if something happens to her we both let the other know immediately, she sees & talks to her dad anytime she wants, we both work full-time jobs to make sure she is well taken care of by both of us both medically and finacially. I am just really at a lose at what to do, I love my husband and I want to be with him but his situation is so different than mine and there is never a relaxing moment everytime we have his kids it's something and everytime I try to talk to him about the situtation he gets mad and threatens to leave me. So I just hush, all of this is just pushing me further & further away from him and his kids. I am to the point I don't even have a desire to be around his kids or take them places alone. I would never make him choose between me and his kids but I have my own daughter to think about and this is not the type of enviroment I want her to have to grow up in. Do you have any advice that could help to save my marriage???