You have the right not to allow any unsavory person in your home. I did not allow my SS30 to come to the family Christmas dinner that I hosted year before last. DH's 4 siblings, their spouses, their children and even the GFs of some of them were welcome.

My DH pouted a couple of days, but he got over it. But SS has now very much cleaned up his act (we'll see how long this lasts) - maybe because he saw some consequences for being an ass.

You have no control over who anyone else invites to their home. But you don't have to go. You should not have to ever see him again.

To me the issue is not that he's your daughter's ex - but that he's "very BAD". I hope your daughter has learned how to pick a better man.

My first thought is, if your husband will lose his daughter over some loser guy, how good of a relationship do they really have?

Your SD chose to get involved with this guy, knowing there was bad blood and that he would not be welcome, that was her choice.

How was this guy "very bad" and why would your husband want him around if he's that bad?

Hopefully, they won't last long as a couple.

My SD25 has a loser boyfriend and DH and I refuse to have anything to do with him. Mostly because of how he has treated her, so shame on us for caring.

while you can control who is invited into your home, what makes you think Dad or you can control who a 26yr old dates?

You would be livid if SD was telling Dad he couldn't be married to you. That he had to pick you or SD.

I think you're going to have to give a bit more info than "bad relationship" and "bad blood" . Excluding BF from Thanksgiving is one thing, but demanding control of who an adult can date or you'll leave your husband over it is another.

I had my nephew and his girlfriend live with me. They abused the privilege and I kicked them out one night and I mean I gave them 12 hours to leave as in "in the morning you are both gone."

I remained on good terms with him and shortly thereafter told him he was always welcome to try again but gf had forever burned her bridge here.

There's no reason your dh can't do the same. Tell the sd that man has burned his bridge here. He hopes sd will reconsider dating him but it's her life of course but HE simply is not welcome at your house. There's no reason it should affect the dad's relationship with his daughter.

I think this may be a new Dusty saga. Kinda like a V. C. Andrews series.

So, there is no way this issue alone is going to cause anyone to leave a spouse. What else is in play?

If this is it.... then there is not much advise anyone can provide that would be useful IMHO.

I am on board with not tolerating this guys presence at family gatherings. As for ending your marriage over DH not sharing your opinion.... that seems a bit short sited to me.

Does your DD23 still live with you? I'm a bit confused as to the arrangements at the family gatherings. I would just ignore the relationship that your SD26 has with this man; they are grown adults and you should not make it your business. Your DD23 is also an adult and should be able to move forward, if this relationship was 9 years ago. Trying to protect your DD23 is only interfering. I also understand you don't like this guy, but that is an issue with you, not these women.

You don't have to invite the SD26 and her BF to your home. If DH wants to visit or associate with them, he can go out to see them. If this causes problems in your marriage, which I understand, then you need to deal directly with your DH concerning who and when someone comes to your home. Don't invite anyone you feel uncomfortable with for dinners, BBQ's, etc. My SD was married to a tramp years ago, when my bio sons were young; he did and said weird things in front of my sons, but I kept an eye on them and let it go; he was history in less than a year, SD divorced him. Yes, this tramp and SD were in our house more than their own. With that said, I never said a word to my SD. If I had put my nose in her business, this tramp would probably still be in our family, just to spite me.

I detest my SD for years of disrespect, among other reasons. I do not invite her to our home. DH invites her to stop by, when she is in town. I tolerate her visit, so that DH can see her; but I do not invite her for dinners or holidays. When SD56 is in my home, she knows her place, because I have made it clear to everyone.

I am totally disengaged from my SD and it caused problems in our marriage; but I addressed it with DH and then moved on. It's difficult to give advice, because I'm confused why your DD and SD don't solve this among themselves.

Reading between the lines, if this guy hasn't changed, this relationship will also go south for SD; it's not worth walking away from your marriage, unless you want to walk away anyway.

Let it go and good luck.

P.S. I adore my SD56's (now) husband #3 (SIL). Having him in our home is no problem, SD can stay away forever.

Stay out of it and be grateful he is not dating your daughter anymore. The more you push against it the more SD and ex bf will stick together. I've learned with my own adult daughter that if the relationship is not a good fit it will end on it's own.

In your profile, you describe yourself as a mother and stepmother of adults. ADULTS. So calm the heck down and mind your own business.