One small thought I had is that I have found in my life that the more interesting the town that I live in is the more my parents have visited me. Also my own father is apparently not very interested in my nephews and only does cursory granddad things when pushed by my mother.

I think you have to accept that your dad and step mom have a life separate to yours and just because your children are the center of your world does not mean that they have to be the center of anyone else's. Your father has done his time raising you. Now it is your time to raise your kids and his to enjoy his semi retirement.

Your dad is a grown man and will visit with you when he wants.

Some people aren't baby or kid type of people. Sounds like your dad is one of them. Complaining and starting drama about how much you don't like it won't change anything.

It can in fact make things worse between you and your own husband. Hearing about your daddy issues cannot be that attractive.

Sounds like you're unhappy with your life choices. You moved away first. I'm not sure where you live, but flights to NYC have low fares. I know you want a relationship with your Dad and that takes effort on both parts. Twins are time consuming and a lot of work so it is possible that you don't have the time to reach out that your brother does. Everyone is an adult in this situation and you have to put yourself in other people's shoes. Whether your Dad moved to where your SM wanted or not, he had no obligation to follow you as you have your own family now.

My husband is a stepchild. His whole family lives 9 hours away from us. We don't feel bitter that they have more of a relationship with those who love closer, as he chose to live 9 hours away. We take time each year, last year we went to them, this year they'll come to us. We make it work with his sisters who also have young children, as we are expecting and have a 3 year old as well. We enjoy the time we have with them & keep in touch the best that we all can. DH's father died 5 years ago, all the planning is with his SM.

Life is too short to be anything but happy.

" I thought my dad would move where I am to be close to me and his eventual grandkids. But before I got pregnant he and my step mom moved somewhere else!"

Really - you just assumed your father would follow you where ever you went with your DH? He moved to where HE WANTED TO BE. Grow up and accept that. You moved on with your life - why is is so unacceptable to you that your father did the same?

...My husband is sick of hearing about it...

Find a therapist. You need to get some perspective or you will end up ruining your marriage.

Your MIL is right. Try to focus on the blessings you have right in your own home. Good grief.

And stop looking at your SM's Facebook page. It doesn't seem to make you happy.

You moved with your spouse, why is it so hard to understand that your father wants to live with his spouse and not move with you? You're an adult, he did his job raising you. Your father and SM are too old for princess drama. You are a mother and a wife, act like one. As a poster said earlier in the week, "Why can't daddy be happy too?" Think about that.

Some parents are not grandparent material. My mother doesn't know how to say my kids names, has no idea when their birthdays are and has only seen them 3x total and my oldest is 22. Yet she is very close to both of my childless brothers.

You've got to grow up. You're not daddy's little girl anymore, you have your own kids and need to get over this hang up with your father.

Wow...this can't be real. You follow your husband for work and yet you are upset because your father is following his wife. Talk about selfish. I'd find it embarrassing if I thought so little of my father I'd thing that he could be led around by the nose.

Instead of blaming your stepmom, maybe ask yourself if he see's your argument for what it is. The fact is you want your father to not take HIS SPOUSE's feelings into consideration while you be with YOUR SPOUSE? Do you not see how ridiculous and hypocritical that is?

What if your father wanted you to live closer to him and your husband had issues..like I dunno a job or a health concern that made living in that particular area impossible? Would you be ok with him saying.."well come with out him" and if you refuse he tells everyone ..well I think her husband is forcing her to stay?"

You are utterly ridiculous and I'd bet dollars to donuts your father sees you for who you are and decides to have a long-distance relationship as a compromise to not having any relationship with your selfish ass.

"I told my dad I was really upset they moved somewhere else and he actually told his wife what I said. She actually called me and told me I had done things to upset her so she did not want to move to where I lived because she didn’t like drama and that we would all visit. When I called my dad he agreed with her! I was very surprised and hurt."

Oh. My.

What a rude, entitled thing to say to you father. Do you get that your father and his wife made a conscious decision not to live near you? What does that say about their opinion of you?

Your father's wife paid you the compliment of being honest with you about how your bad behavior influenced their decision on where to move, and your father confirmed this. So, if you want a closer relationship with your dad, you need to own your mistakes, apologize to him and to his wife, and cut out the crap that caused all the discord in the first place.

Lastly, you are an adult. So is your father, and he is also somebody's husband. Continue to alienate his wife, and you won't see much of him at all. Perhaps you assumed having children gave you leverage, but that doesn't seem to be the case. So if you want a closer relationship with your father, it's all on you.

Oh and if both your husband and MIL are telling you to stop with this nonsense that a clear indicator that you are doing a helluva lot of whining.

"I told my dad I was really upset they moved somewhere else. and he actually told his wife what I said. She actually called me and told me I had done things to upset her so she did not want to move to where I lived because she didn’t like drama ...." How can you open your mouth to tell a grown married man that you are upset that he has a life outside you? Why and what on earth would possess you to utter those words? You have absolutely proved your SM's point.

I know when I retire I want to move near my most dramatic and entitled relative. It'd be great listening to them whine about who I spent my time with and it's be a bonus if they talked about the expensive things I do without them.

Whether you believe your father is doing what he actually wants to do or doing what his wife wants/tells him to isn't really the point. Fact is he is doing it. No gun to his head. Not being kidnapped nor under duress.

So what's the problem? If he later decides he's been all wrong and made a mistake , he'll separate and move on with his life. You really don't need to worry about him unless you have reason to believe that his wife is on husband eight and the other seven have met questionable deaths

There is no point from you that he needs to understand. I'm sure to some degree he does 'understand' your point and feelings...he just doesn't agree with how you have decided and asked him to run his life. You live your life. He lives his.

It sounds to me that your attitude regarding your dad and SM is what is driving their detachment.

If you were pleasant, engaging, and non confrontational they might be more interested in interfacing with you and investing in a deeper relationship.

So... you have some decisions to make. Pull your head out, grow up, be pleasant, or ....... expect more of the same from your dad and his wife.

Keep in mind that you and your brother are adults and have lives of your own and you have a family of your own. Parents need to realize that they have a life to live after their children are raised. Parents who miss that point usually end up very lonely in their waning years. Your dad and his wife seem to have clarity on this issue and are living their lives and engaging with those who it is pleasant to engage with.

If you want more interaction with your dad... then invest in making both he and his wife comfortable and interested in having a relationship with you.

Hey "Sad"Daughter, imagine this ...

Your phone rings this morning and someone calls to tell you that your father was in a car accident. He is going to need daily care for the REST OF HIS LIFE. Someone will need to be with him through the night, to help him go to the bathroom, help bathe, feed and dress him, take him to medical appointments, etc.

Then the caller says your father will be released from the hospital in one week and you will need to be ready for him to move in with you and your family.

Are you ready for this scenario? Would you consider this a burden or a blessing?

I have a feeling it would be a burden. If so, shut your trap about how much you miss your daddy and how upset you are that you don't see him regularly.

Everyone else here has hit all the key points about your dad being an adult and enjoying his retirement years, so I won't repeat them.

You need to understand he is living his life with someone who LOVES him and CARES about him - through sickness and in health. When and if a scenario above plays out, it will be your evil stepmom who will be there giving your dad TLC, not you.

The marriage vows say "forsaking all others" for a reason - and there is no exemption for self-absorbed infantile daughters.

Maybe you ought to go and re-read your OWN vows! I'd be willing to bet your husband has certainly been thinking about them. And is fed up with you forgetting your vows to him, and your obsessing jealousy about wanting to remain daddy's little girl.

I created an account just to respond to this. Can't even believe the childishness and selfishness I just read. Did you ever stop to think about all the thousands and thousands of dollars your dad spent on your growing up? Did you ever think that that money might have been going to a lifestyle like travelling or doing the "expensive and fun" things they are doing now? Why would you begrudge them finally being able to spend some money on themselves and have fun instead of spending every dime on you? They are MARRIED. Your dad's WIFE and he make decisions about things THEY want to do and where THEY want to live. It is no longer all about YOU. Just because your daddy doesn't make everything in his life about you and actually listens to and talks with his wife, doesn't mean he's "controlled", it makes him a good spouse.

I personally think this post is just to mess with us.....but I will respond, anyway.

I am newly retired. I worked for 30 years, raised my children, put them through college. The little birdies are now out of the nest and flying solo. I love them dearly. I miss having them around a lot. The empty nest syndrome is real. BUT, they are supposed to be living their own lives, working, and starting their own families. I cannot expect them to fulfil my emotional needs and entertain me all day or all weekend or even on any given day that I am lonely and bored.

So, what is a newly retired person to do? Spend time doing what I enjoy. Living where I am happy. Traveling, going out to eat.Seeing old friends, making new friends...finally getting a chance to enjoy the fruit of MY labor while I am still young and healthy enough to do so, because I spent the last 30 years giving the fruit to my children. I am also being an adult who is NOT a burden on my children.

I love children. But, I am oldish. I am tired. I do NOT want to spend all day with children. I do not not want to be a nanny. I raised my children. Just because I will be a grandmother some day, does not mean I am a bad grandmother if I am not interested in my life revolving around them. None of this means I do not love my family.

I honestly hope you look at this from your father's point of view. Let the poor man enjoy his life with his chosen spouse, who clearly makes him happy. While you are doing that, get some therapy and grow up.

Saddaughter, you said you wanted help. I am glad you came here to ask for it. I have a plan you can follow to make your life better.

1. Reflect on the things you have done to hurt and upset your sm. Really think about ways you have excluded her, suspected her, made demands you would not want someone to make on your own husband.

2. Call up your sm and apologize for all these things. Tell her you get it now, you can't believe you were so immature, you're sorry you put her through it and she didn't deserve it. Tell her you can see your dad is happy with her and that's awesome.

3. Call up your dad and tell him you're sorry you put a strain on his marriage, you realize that now, and you won't do it any more. You're glad he found someone who makes him happy.

4. Mind your own business from now on. Be gracious and supportive. Be glad for your brother who is living a different life than you are. In fact, it sounds like Dad spent more time with you for a long time and now is a time he can catch up with his son. Are you sure your brother isn't on a forum somewhere telling folks his dad finally has some time for HIM instead of for his sister?

5. Look at your 2 babies. Imagine them as grownups. Do you want them ordering you about? If an anvil dropped out of a window (thank you, Warner Brothers) on your husband, does that suddenly make your kids in control of your life? Because adults, if they are single parents, cannot be trusted to make their own decisions and their children must do it for them?

Your dad is being a GOOD parent. He is setting limits with you. You failed to color within the lines so they are managing their relationship with you via distance. You need to "get it." Your dad LIKES his wife. He WANTS to be with her most of the time. He WANTS to crawl into bed with her at night. He talks things over with her, including his deepest frustrations about YOU.

So welcome to adulthood. Your parents have a life other than you. Every person realizes this. Usually most of us are ready to fly on our own any way.

If you follow these steps than you can free yourself up to make friends with your SM and enjoy your dad for the PERSON he is, not as a being defined strictly by his fatherhood of you.

It sounds like you've done something to upset them. Did you ever think of asking them what that was and how you can work on getting back to a good place? Also, your Father is a grown man and can live wherever it is he wants. If that means making his wife (the woman he has chosen to live the rest of his life with) happy, what's so wrong with that?

It sucks when your parents don't take an interest in your kids like you thought they would. My ex-inlaws haven't seen my two kids since Christmas 2012 and we only live 45 minutes away from each other. They have other grandchildren that they are extremely devoted to and that makes it more hurtful. But your MIL is right, you just have to focus on your own family.

I love my son more than life. He is 15 almost 16. He knows, though, that it is my husband that is my life partner. I chose that. So did your dad.

My son also knows that as a Spanish teacher for 17 years and someone who loves to travel, when DS is around 20 (ss around 18) our goal is to be living in a different country at least half time. It has been our goal for as long as I can remember. It has NOTHING to do with my love for my son.

It will not matter at that time if DS or SS have kids (which would be our grandkids) or not. Oh, we will love them of course! But waiting out the birth of grandkids and then making our lives revolve around them is not our goal for our future. Yes we will make some time for visits and assist with them visiting us, but it honestly won't be our number 1 priority as older adults. We are allowed to have goals and aspirations that do not involve kids and grandkids.

You're not visualizing your dad as a grown adult with hopes and dreams that no longer revolve around kids. He still loves you. These issues are not always related to each other! Also yes he had a choice, unless he is severely mentally or physically handicapped. This is obviously what he wants right now, and no one has the right to say what he should or shouldn't do.

I agree I have to question if this post is real, but assuming it is, I had trouble getting past the first sentence, "I found this site online and am hoping someone can help me figure out what to say to my father so he will understand my point of view." This says it all to me in that this person is selfishly focusing on HER point of view and NOT her father's or SM's. I would not be surprised to see the SM post on this site about her selfish SD and could almost write it myself.

My big question is, when your SM was nice enough to actually call you to discuss the matter and actually tell you that you had done things to upset her and she didn't want to live where you do because she doesn't like drama, did she tell you or if not, did you ask her what those "things" were?? I'm guessing you know full well what you've done, and your entire post is one big clue.

If you want the relationship to improve, I think you need to take a good look in the mirror and follow the recommendations of ChiefGrownup above, all of which are spot on.

Honestly, it sounds like you thought that your twins were your trump card over SM. You expected that your dad would make his world revolve around you and he hasn't. That's not a crime. You just had some crazy expectations.

You are your father's daughter, but his wife is his chosen partner. You don't usurp her, even when you have "his grandkids".

Stop obsessing over your weird competitiveness with your father's wife, and concentrate on being a good wife to your husband and mother to your kids.

This post kinda made me feel sick inside because my SD is just as self centered. She is a 28 year old woman who thinks her father should be her best friend d and travelling partner (on his dime, of course).

She is learning that he made a decision at Thanksgiving that I was priority. As it should be.

Your Dad is your father, not your buddy and he's allowed to have his own life, he saw to it that you finish school and college, so go and live your own life, you can't tell your Dad what to do

You are an adult not a little girl any more....

And stop blaming your SM for this... your father has a brain and he clearly choose to spend his old days with a woman that makes him happy and that he loves... so grow up

It sounds like your dad is having a great time in his retirement. Leave the man alone.