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A little update to texts with SIL

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 2:54pm

So I updated in my last blog how I text SIL to open the conversation up and see if she would say anything about her plans.

She tells me she is coming into town for YSD graduation.

She hopes that she can stay with us, but she'll get a hotel if need be. (She knows we aren't going to say no).

I tell her of course she can stay with us.

I lay it out in 2 different texts though that DH will go to the ceremony but not sure that he has anything else planned or that he will plan any other celebration. FYI.

Basically trying to tell her it's stupid to drive 6 hours with a 3 year old and a month old baby just to go to a very busy ceremony that is early in the morning.

And I tell her to just keep me posted on what her plans on so we can plan for that. She's notorious for last minute planning.

Vent #1-
She's been talking about this damn graduation for months and how she is going to come and she is planning in her head to stay with us, yet when is she going to ask if it's okay or if we even have plans the rest of the weekend???

So she responds back with:

I'm wasn't coming there for a celebration with my brother. Just would like to be there for my niece. I don't need him to hold my hand to attend her graduation lol but I understand the concern and I know my brother. What he chooses to do is his business.

This is her response to me saying "I just don't want you to have some an expectation of a big celebration because you know DH isn't going to do anything. If you're in town though maybe he will take her to dinner that weekend as opposed to later."

I feel like her comment was a little rude. I didn't respond back I am a little pissed.

The graduation is Memorial Day weekend.

And with her coming into town and me saying she can stay with us (and DH won't tell her no) our whole plans for that weekend and what we could be doing (adult cookout or camping, both options of what we would normally do that weekend) are put on hold just so she can attend this graduation.

Ugh.. I know I'm not in the best mood and I know I brought it upon myself by bringing it up but WTF. You don't need your brother to hold your hold??? Okay good luck with 2 kids at the graduation!

And don't be offended when you have a really crappy weekend at my house because I'm doing my own thing and your brother isn't going to do anything but sit around and drink beer.

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 3:01pm

Okay... I guess after texting with her I became annoyed that it was an expectation that she was staying without even asking what our plan was. Its just all the same with everyone in DH's life. So annoying. I do recognize I'm in a bad mood and probably just taking it wrong. That is why I didn't respond.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 3:07pm

I think I'd just go radio silent for a while. Live life, be happy, and let your SIL and DH flail about.

This is all three months out and SIL's plans may change repeatedly between now and then. Schedule something really fun for that weekend, and then try to put this poop out of your mind because these people are going to do what they do. *shrugs*

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 3:23pm

What's done is done but I wouldn't have texted her. If I really wanted to get a feel for what her plans were, I would have just called her. Sometimes talking to someone is the best option.

Anything can happen between now and then. She may completely change her mind once she has the baby. Is she coming by herself with 2 kids or is there a husband? Personally, I think she is nuts, I wouldn't drive 6 hours for MY high school graduation (obviously, my own graduation was not 6 hours away but you get my drift).

I have found that when I worry and stress over something, it turns out that my worries were unfounded. Try not to stress, I'm sure it will all be fine.

If you want to plan a cookout, plan a cookout. She doesn't need anyone holding her hand, remember?

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 3:22pm

I'd let it go for now. It's 4months and a delivery away. So much can change between now and then.

You are NOT obligated to entertain her or watch her kids so make whatever plans you want.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 4:32pm

Yes. He helped raise her because his horrible mother couldn't do it. Because she was on drugs.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 4:37pm

Friday the 13th. Definitely why I feel so crazy. I think it's a full moon too? Ha ha

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 4:35pm

Obviously when it was just the thought of DH going it wasn't a big deal. Obviously I expect him to attend. He would go to the ceremony and then that was it. No worry about skid or BM drama. But now with her wanting to come it's turned into so much more. It's just stressing me out. I know it's more my problem then anyone else's.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 4:35pm

Obviously when it was just the thought of DH going it wasn't a big deal. Obviously I expect him to attend. He would go to the ceremony and then that was it. No worry about skid or BM drama. But now with her wanting to come it's turned into so much more. It's just stressing me out. I know it's more my problem then anyone else's.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 4:36pm

Obviously when it was just the thought of DH going it wasn't a big deal. Obviously I expect him to attend. He would go to the ceremony and then that was it. No worry about skid or BM drama. But now with her wanting to come it's turned into so much more. It's just stressing me out. I know it's more my problem then anyone else's.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/13/2017 - 4:39pm

Thank you everyone.
I need to calm the f down. A lot can change in a few months.
I'm just overall bothered because I feel like plans are made, no consideration about me. I know sounds selfish. But I swear if it has to do with skids or in-laws it's always a huge inconvenience for me yet I'm dealing with it. This is also DH fault.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Sat, 01/14/2017 - 1:29pm

Zero, I think this is a classic case of boundaries not being drawn. You don't want to send SIL into BM's arms, so you are hesitating to say flat-out that she's welcome to stay with you ONLY if she's spending time with you guys (extended to skids if they are doing something with DH). So you just end up not being clear, and so then her responses seem unclear as well as she's not sure where things stand herself.

Here's what I would do now. I'd text SIL back and say, "Hey, sometimes I'm not that clear, so just to make sure you got all the info you need: We usually have plans Memorial Day weekend, and sometimes have guests. If you decide to stay with us, let us know as soon as possible as right now no one else is planning to stay but of course that can change. It would be great if you stay with us as you're could join in our plans and we can spend time together. Otherwise, sending you very advanced wishes for a good time at the ceremony and hopefully you see DH there."

That way, I think it is clear that she is welcome at your house, and while at your house she will be your guest. And if she is not at your house, then you will most likely not be seeing her, and she may or may not be seeing DH. And it is also clear that you are not putting your life on hold while she decides what she wants to do.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 01/16/2017 - 5:07am

ZERO - you are going to be stuck with her kids......

you should tell her, you are leaving as soon as DH comes back for a week-end away, but you will arrange a key for her...