So without offering TMI-SO made a suggestion to me last week for us to spend some couple-y time together. You know, something that deviates from the typical exausted gazes across the speghetti strewn table, created by the Self-Proclaimed Spaghetti Princess who wields marinara sauce like Elsa wields Ice. Or the long, awkward-not-meant-to-be-cuddles-but-there-is-nowhere-else-to-sit on top of the heap of laundry I think the couch may be made of.

But-the problem is that as much as we need couple-y time I DREAD it. I think I might have a confidence problem and this rotten b@asterd is just so good at couple-y time leaving me to feel like the awkward duckling.

He says the nicest things to me, I think about how sweet it is, try to conjure something to riciprocate and end up making fart jokes. No seriously-I think I'm a nervous joker. He said one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me and I cracked a freakin fart joke.

I could write words to describe a glass of orange juice all day. I could write in here all day. Could I string together a sentence to tell this wonderful man how I feel? Haha no, not beyond "I like your butt".

You see the thing is, I don't want him to feel like I just look at him and think "fart" I feel very strongly for him and I love him very much. But after knowing him for 9 years and being together for the last 3 1/2, when he looks me in the face my stomach still does summer salts and I want to crawl under the damn table. In fact, on a few occasions when we first started dating again, I had managed to squeak "excuse me" and slide under the picnic table at my parents. It's also not loads of fun to try to explain such bizzare behavior especially because in all other areas I lean toward type A.

I'm going to address my physical appearance issue that I'm having. I'm not super overweight I'm just still pregnant shapes and it's been 2 years. But what the hell do I do about these demon butterflies? And how the hell do I find the right words in the English language to tell him all these things without puking or crying or hiding behind the furniture. I'm almost 30 freakin years old for Pete's sake.

My friend says "just tell him how you feel." Well, I don't know how I would take it if someone, let alone my SO tried to tell me when they try to hold long gazes with me it makes me want to puke. But a good puke-like a nervous puke. I'm sorry, but there is no nice way to explain to someone they make you want to good-puke.