Husband's Ex issues
Recently have been in arguments over text and phone calls to my husband from his ex wife. He tells me that she calls and most of the time he doesn't respond. Last night she called back to back and then text. When I ask what she wanted he first told me that it was nothing and that he didn't want to discuss that, that we should have better things to talk about. Well finally he shows me the text and was she says is....."Your wife has changed you, because in all the 20 yrs I have known you I'm always 3rd in your life. You didn't even come down to the funeral when my mother passed last week" I told my husband that I am sorry about her mother passing but that you don't have to be there, you can give your condolences and she can find comfort in her husband. She is a priority to him. I told him with how she is talking, it seems that she hasn't got over the divorce and is bitter that we are together. I mean their children are 21 and 24 so it really isn't a reason for her to call or text all of the time. I don't know what to think. Any advice?
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Lol is she really trying to
Lol is she really trying to guilt him in to making her more of a priority? She stopped being a priority when they divorced. So if she is texting him with that then he seems to be doing a good job of communicating to her her new low status.
He should ignore it and so should you. Feeding in to it makes it take more time and energy from you, thus elevating her, even if it is just temporary. Ignore her ignore her ignore her.
She and her husband probably are having a spat and she wants to feel around for her options.
What is his issue? He seems
What is his issue? He seems to have made her a priority after their marriage. Is he trying to stop that kind of behavior now? You shouldn't be dragged into this mess either. I suggest he put an end to the relationship and be civil to her when you're around his children and his ex. There is no reason for those two to still be talking like that. I am not saying for him to have a big talk with her, just let it end.
Tell your husband it's not
Tell your husband it's not normal for men to have regular calls and texts from their Exes even when they have kids together and are over the age of 18. Tell him that if he thinks BM should still be a priority--not just top, but in general--then why did they divorce? Why did he start dating again and ask to marry you? Because when you marry someone, you're kind of telling that person they are their most important person. I think it's good that he seems to be somehow keeping her at a distance now but those text from BM make me think the boundaries are blurred and he needs to start ignoring her calls and texts unless it is an emergency about the skids.
3rd? Way over stating there!
3rd? Way over stating there! Or at least I really hope so.
This BM is a prime example
This BM is a prime example that some people never get over someone they truly loved. Getting married again, doesn't mean you are over someone else.
We have seen posters here post about their husbands/SOs not being over BM. One dumb ass even had the nerve to tell SM that if BM ever got her act together, he would go back to her. :sick: :sick:
Your husband didn't go to the funeral and he ignored her text/calls, which is good. As long he isn't doing anything to encourage her behavior, then don't worry about her still wanting to be with him.
She needs to back off. Your
She needs to back off. Your hubs is allowing this. His fault. He can ignore but why not just tell her to stop?? Because your hubby knows that will upset her. He has made her a priority. This type of thing is basically what ended my last relationship. I would not be able to put up with this. By allowing these phone calls and texts and being passive your hubs has essentially disrespected you.
I actually think it's ok to
I actually think it's ok to attend funerals for ex's family. My ex and I attend funerals for close family members (when we can). We have been divorced for many years (25 to be precise) and are happily remarried. We dont want each other in
any shape or form. We were just always very cordial and civil and keep polite contact with each other families.
I am sorry you are dealing
I am sorry you are dealing with this.
Your husbands loyalty is totally misplaced and BM, well she is off her rocker to hint at dh's loyalty should be near her at all.
I thought I was alone in
I thought I was alone in this!!!! WEll, until I came on here, and read several posts, I thought I was alone in everything to do with my relationship and Stepkids.
I was living parttime with my DH, last December, and somehow one night, I heard his phone buzz, turned it over on the counter, and saw an inappropriate text from BM. She thought it was funny "LOL" and he just ignored it. Then I approached him about it - confronted really, and he admitted that she would send what he called "zingers" to him over the entire 1.5 year relationship we had. I made a big fuss over it and supposedly they have stopped.
The issue that I had was that I came into DH's life when he and her had JUST a month earlier had their last "together time", even though they had been separated a few years. She had repeatedly wanted to come back after her had her leave the house through cheating activities, but he was the one who was strong and said "no way". I know its a huge thing to leave the mother of your children and he had said that up until the cheating, everything had seemed fine...
Ever since I saw that text I have been a little hyper sensitive about his phone buzzing and it being her. I used to not think anything of it until I discovered it had not ALL been about the children...
So in essence your husband seems like he has been doing the right thing. If you push back, she will back off, I promise. Once you show strength and solidarity, it will disappear and become a non-issue.