I understand that children can be difficult and having five now three of them being step kids it's really difficult to understand exactly what my role is in regards to their care and their behavior. It seems like on a weekly basis we are always struggling with the two oldest boys my son has OCD and some PTSD from my previous marriage to his dad which was extremely abusive and volatile however after a lot of counseling he was able to regain his visitation and that lasted for about two years until I had to take him back to court which we are still in court. During that time I ended up going ahead and getting married to my current husband we have a very good relationship and there doesn't seem to be any really big problems except when it comes to the kids. His oldest son cries about every little thing and is constantly trying to get everybody in trouble including me. He cries about things if I ask him to do the dishes and he's done them incorrectly and I try to teach him how he crys and tells his dad that i dont care about him. He complains about every male that I make he complains every single time that I do anything nice for anyone including when I bought him clothes he said that he didn't like them and he wasn't even going to try them on so I said well that's your choice I bought them for you if you'd like to wear them then by all means try and let me know if I need to take them back cuz I'm happy to do that . He constantly is being rude to me if I try to take him somewhere for instance yesterday I took him to a special event because his dad was very sick and I thought it would be helpful to take him and he told me in the car that I'm not always right and I need to accept that I'm not always right and I said I might not always be right but I do handle myself pretty well unlike you who decides to treat me badly and continue to State your case even know that you know you may be wrong. Sometimes it's okay to be wrong it's okay it's not the end of the world and this time I was wrong and I accept that. The weird thing is it was over the word either or neither which one was correct and I said I'm not really sure if it's supposed to be neither have I or either have I I'd have to look it up online. I don't think that's telling me that I'm right or wrong I don't think that saying he is right or wrong I'm saying I don't know the answer to the question we should probably look it up. Let's look at lastnight. I told all 5 kids it was time to get ready for bed and to have their bedtime snack which was supposed to be cookies and milk but I knew that we didn't have enough cookies so I told them they could have two cookies and a glass of hot chocolate I hadn't checked how many cookies are out there yet so I was on the phone with my mom and I told them yes go ahead and start the hot chocolate the older stepson got mad because there wasn't going to be enough cookies so he grabbed the cookies out of my older son's hand and told him that we had to count them and separate them out my older son got mad was just hand it in to the counter and then what sounded like blood curdling screams was coming from the kitchen. To which the older stepson went tearing down the stairs toward his father who by the way was very sick and started screaming that he was punched in that way it was out of control and all this other stuff it was ridiculous to tell you the truth. So I said that it was not appropriate for him to be snatching anybody's Foods out of their hands we don't want anybody else's hands on their food for their that if something needed to be handled they should have come and got me which was down the hall or their father to come and resolve the issue not continue and start forcing an issue of forcing their way and everybody else. He started yelling at me his dad told him to stop I told my son at no time is it ever okay for him to be touching anyone else if he was doing that that was his last warning and he would lose everything in his bedroom period immediately the stepson stopped crying and was all of a sudden happy because my son was told that he needed to get ready for bed and get his pajamas on. So he wasn't hurt at all he was just creating a case where he could look like he was completely hurt and that somebody would listen to what he was saying when I brought it up to his dad later he told me that he's just immature and it's part of his disability. I told him that he's incredibly manipulative and that he's also a bully he pushes his way through things and that he forces people into making decisions so that he can cry and scream and then get people in trouble so that he can do what he wants like have extra cookies or be able to play the Xbox because he blamed one of the other kids for what he was doing it's not okay and I don't know how to stop this from happening in my house but I can't continue living this way because it's making me absolutely crazy does anyone have any suggestions? .. I don't think that it's okay to just discipline a kid for defending himself when somebody else is touching his food. However my husband does not ever discuss the behavior with his son so we seem to have this recurring theme of the oldest stepson constantly causing problems with all of the other children. My son is in counseling I put him on medication he seems to be the focus of everything when it comes to discipline so I'm constantly having to remove him from the situations but I think that this other child is actually antagonizing him and we know that he is bullying as well in her own home and admits to bullying. His dad stands behind him saying that he has some form of autism that prohibits him to be able to function and I say that that's crap because he can behave at school so why can he not be able home even when my kids are not here there is still a problem with his son and the other children so I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing here I told my husband I don't know how much more I can really be doing because he's already in counseling I'm already working with him on parenting plans I have him a medication however he has done 0 things to help the situation but getting his kid counseling or attending any parenting classes so until those things happen I refuse to agree on a parenting plan because I think it's crap to tell me that I have to continue changing and I have to continue doing all those things when it's not happening from the other side and 90% of the problem is from the other side. We have 5 kids and they all need to know what the expectations are and what they are going to be punished with if they do not follow them and he is not on board with me doing that because he thinks somehow that I should allow him and his his kids mom parent them and that I shouldn't have any intervention and he lives in my house. I don't think that's fair you can't sit there and tell me that I should be doing one thing when you don't do the same thing with your own children any suggestions on what you would do in this situation I need some help?u