BM is refusing CS
My DH took out CS on himself because the military makes him pay double what the court would order him to pay. Of course BM wasn't going to put CS on him. So he filed the papers on himself. We have been waiting 6 months to find out that BM told CS office that SD is not my DH's. Because it is such a different case (a man putting himself up for CS) the CS office thought the papers were backwards and they changed it to look like BM was trying to put CS on him so they sent the papers with the amount of CS he would be paying to BM. BM called and closed the case because the amount was half of what he is paying through the military. And there's a question in paternity now. Can a mother get any more crazy? He sends her almost all of his BAH and she tells him he doesn't take care of SD and she denies him visitation. All he wants is visitation with SD without BM interfering.
- VictimOfHisPast's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
how does BM mess up
how does BM mess up visitation? is it something you can document and show to the court? DH is paying CS, he should have the right to visitation with his child.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
He pays what the military
He pays what the military makes him pay because he got deployed before they could go to court. So now he is trying to pay court ordered CS so its on paper when he can see SD. BM could care less if he sees SD as long as she's getting money. And what the military makes him pay is twice as much as court ordered CS so she closed the case because the court thought she opened it when it was DH trying to do right for his child. BM just doesn't want less money.
I understand. But what is
I understand. But what is BM doing to hinder visitation, how is she making visitation impossible for him? In my state, if you have a court order stating you're supposed to have possession of a child on certain days, you can go to the police and get an escort to pick up the child with you on your designated days.
Is BM doing things to mess up visitation that you can document?
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
I'm not sure how to document
I'm not sure how to document it. We are trying to prove she is running from the CS office. But when we were out in Cali, DH called BM so he can go pick up SD. BM agreed and when we got to the house, they were gone. So DH went back later and they called the police. Even though DH can go pick up SD whenever, BM told police SD is sick with a illness only the gma is certified to treat. But they wouldn't tell DH what certification it is and we found out later she's just CPR certified so DH is over certified to take care of SD for an illness that isn't even major. So, Im not sure how to document her actions because she comes up with excuses every time DH goes to pick up SD. She's denied him to see her since she was born. He seen her one day in 2 years and pay out his ass for a child she is now saying might not be his. But in Cali, if you take care of the child for 2 years, you have to continue paying... so IDK what to do... She is hasting him with his own child. And when DH went to CS office where we live, the WOMEN in there didn't even want to help because they just assume he is a dead beat (prolly what they are use to) and he is not.
Maybe on the days he's
Maybe on the days he's supposed to see her, just don't give BM a heads up. Just go there with the police escort, your documentation that shows Dh has the right to SD and just take her.
Document and date the issues and excuses...just to have a record of it. Keep a record of all his visitation attempts and all of her excuses and games. Kind of like a journal that you can use in court if you have to.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
The times he gets to see her
The times he gets to see her is on his leave time which is random. He just has to call 24 hours ahead of time to tell BM he's going to Cali and wants to see SD. But the stupid order says if BM has plans already, he can't see her. Well she has plans EVERY time. Its pissing me off because a daughter needs her dad.
Wait? Huh? Are you sure??
Wait? Huh? Are you sure?? What court order would say that if the CP has plans, then the NCP is SOL?
Were they married? What does the CO say *exactly* in regards to a parenting plan? Normally, one would get EOW, maybe a night or two during the week, and then rotating holidays.
If the parents live a good distance away from each other, then the parenting plan is usually set as EOH/rotating holidays, and maybe a month in the Summer.
If he doesn't have an order that specifically states when his parenting time is, then he needs to get himself an attorney to have one drawn up. ___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
They were married. But his
They were married. But his leave time is random and the order was made before he deployed so it stated that when he had leave time, to call at least 24 hours ahead of time. And thats still in effect until this case is solved.
I'm not sure why he has to
I'm not sure why he has to wait to have leave time to visit SD to begin with. Why can't SD visit your DH where DH is?
How old is SD?
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
BM lives in Cali. She's
BM lives in Cali. She's convinced DH is crazy from being in Iraq. But he's not. She just wants SD all to herself. Thats why DH is trying to get a new CS order but now theres a question in paternity. Until he gets the test, he has to pay.
Oh, ok that makes more sense
Oh, ok that makes more sense to me now.
So I'm going to go out on a limb here without knowing much about your situation so please don't get offended with me on this point of view.
Just speaking strictly as a mother, not a crazy psycho mother, and not taking into consideration anything else in your situation...
As a BM, I'd be hesitant to allow Dh to see SD if the visits are so unpredictable and unmanageable. As a BM I'd feel pretty protective of SD with this visitation problem. I might be inclined to make it harder for visitation to occur as well as unscheduled visits are harder on the child.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
Keep in mind that she denied
Keep in mind that she denied him to see SD when they were married. He has only wanted to have a family. When she found out she was pregnant she left (a sign maybe SD isn't his). She told him not to go to the hospital for the birth (another sign) and didn't even let him sign the birth cert. and he doesn't even know where she was born. She finally let him see her once when she was a month old. She was born Sept. and he deployed Dec. And when he came home on leave, she told him he couldnt see his daughter. And he's been trying and paying for 2 years. She doesn't even let SD talk to him on the phone but maybe a couple times a month. I understand the unplanned visits are hard. But he is in the military and can't always plan his leave time. She married him after he joined the military, she knew what she had to sacrifice... Now their child is missing out on her daddy. All he wants to do is see her and take care of her. He even offered to visit her at BMs house for a while but BM is convinced DH is trying to kill her. (I am disgusted by her sometimes)
BM is bound and determined
BM is bound and determined for some reason to keep that child away from your DH. Even at the expense of giving up child support? Other factors like not allowing him to see the birth and not signing him as the father on the birth certificate are all earmarks of something. Him being the father is questionable. It seems either BM acting out of guilt for getting pregnant by some other man or is really paranoid about something. Both?
When does the paternity test take place?
Yes, I'm aware of that
Yes, I'm aware of that LaurenW. I was referring to OP's suspicions of BMs behavior.
ah...you replied to my post
ah...you replied to my post so I was little confused and thought I should say something.
No worries
She refuses CS because the
She refuses CS because the military makes him pay more money. CS is about $300 and military makes him pay $600. He is working on getting the case reopened and as soon as it reopens, they will be getting a paternity test. Him being the father is a lil questionable. When he got home from Iraq the first time, she wanted a baby and got pregnant the first time? I know its possible but she's a heavy set woman and I know it can be harder for heavy women to get pregnant. I am a lil heavy too and it took me a LONG time to get pregnant. So IDK... Im not saying it's not possible. I love SD. But its a possibility ya know?
Oh its definitely possible
Oh its definitely possible to get pregnant on the first try no matter how big or small you are. There's a lot of stepmom's on here who help raise s-kids conceived from one night stands.
I think that paternity test will be the deciding factor on a lot of the issues. The CS thing--if she doesn't want it then oh well her loss. I think you already know from reading other posts that refusing CS can't stop DH from seeing this child. Even if SD hasn't been proven biologically linked to your DH, he was married to the mother during the time of conception and birth. Children are considered property (its really sad I know) but that's how the court handles children in cases like this. Bottomline-your DH has rights to the child. Period.
Good luck dear
My dh is military, and I
My dh is military, and I have never heard of them making the service member pay double what the courts ordered.
When he tried to put CS on
When he tried to put CS on himself, the court where we live NEVER seen a man put CS on himself so they weren't even sure how to process the order exactly. When they sent it to Cali, they sent it as if BM was requesting CS on him. So Cali CS office sent BM all the papers with amount on it ($287) and not to DH, thats how she found out he was trying to put CS on himself. The papers showed she was the petitioner and DH is the respondent. But really DH open the case in the state we live in and BM should be the respondent. He has made an appt with the JAG. I'm getting convinced that CS office is a mob of single moms with crazy baby daddies. DH knows he prolly can't get full custody so he asked for summers (he will pick her up and drop her off), EOH in cali (he will go to cali and spend holidays with her at his familys house), and asked to go to BMs house for SD bday. And to pay CS so he can have more money to go out and see SD. BMs mom even called DH begging him to not stop the $600 the military makes him pay because no one in their house wants to work except BM and they can't pay their house payment if he stops the $600.
Its BAH diff. It the amount
Its BAH diff. It the amount of BAH a soldier would get single (about $600. more if higher rank) So its family support until CS is court ordered. Visitation was made based on him deploying. I wasn't there so I don't know exactly how they established the order. He couldn't go to court because the date was 2 days before he deployed.
VictimOfHisPast - are you
VictimOfHisPast - are you guys really married? Sometimes some of us here refer to our BF's as DH because we've been together for so long, or we're living together and functioning just as a married couple...so is he your BF or DH?
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
We're engaged.. We are
We're engaged.. We are officially getting married in July. We been together for 3 years and engaged for 2 years. I'm trying to help him get his past life settled before we get married now that he's home from Iraq and can act on the problems. I love SD. I don't want her to grow up without a dad. DH needs to pay and he needs to see her. BM has been hasting him for almost 3 years with his own child. Its pissing me off. We all have dads. My dad is great and I couldnt imagine growing up without him. So I'm trying to help DH get into his daughters life regardless of what BM says.
Victim - are you sure that
Victim - are you sure that your fiance is even divorced?
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
With that being said, those
With that being said, those records are public by the way...