Hi all, (If anyone reads these)
New here. My friend told me there were sites like this. Others seem mom centered, not so much step. Are there other step-parent sites you know of?

Been married over 3 years to my husband who I adore. I would say we have a really good relationship.
He has two boys (9 and 10). They are with their mom about 75% of the time...maybe more but we try to get our 8 nights every month and 40 summer days.
My step-sons are actually pretty good. The oldest had a lot of problems growing up because if you ask me, his mom was trying to diagnose normal kid behavior as ADD, ADHD, ODD, borderline. He has been medicated longer than I have known him. (Adderall to calm him down or something.) He has to have it now cause it's like his brain is addicted to it. I think it's the wrong move but it's up to his mom.

He is bad in school and disrupts his class to the point that sometimes the school sends him home. He spends a huge amount of time playing video games. It concerns me, but I am not going to be critical of his mom because she does all the work really and has the kids full-time. I try not to judge her. The 9 year-old is very nice and agreeable, no real problems. Slow in school but I don't think he has a learning disability or anything. Last I heard, he still isn't writing very well and he reads 2 grades lower than his peers. Maybe just in his own time?

It did bother me though when the school called my husband to talk to him about the reading/writing delay. The school asked how much reading his parents were doing with him at home. I can only speak for myself. I have books for the kids at my home and I take them to the library to choose a couple books and a couple movies for their visit. I have them read 20 minutes on their own at least and then I read with them either during the day or at bed time. I got some pop-up books and that seems to motivate the 9 y/o. (I kind of have to trick him into reading and make it fun.)
When my husband asked the kid's mom about the reading she said 'he just won't read.' We asked if she reads with him and the answer was no. She feels like there isn't time in the day and she doesn't want to spend her free-time reading with the kids or doing homework. Several months into the school year, we heard neither kid had turned in homework. At all! I suggested a tutor or after-school help. Mom said it was too expensive and transportation would be a problem.

Anyway, I try to only worry about what I can control. I just try to provide the attention the kids crave (mom works F/T, gets home at 5 or 6pm, does dinner and then bed pretty much.) So I put my phone down and pay attention to the kids. I read with them, play with them and I just don't get all of the behavior problems that their mom seems to.

Probably like any kid, there are occasional defiances but we don't have any of these problems when they visit us. It makes their mom very upset and she thought my husband was saying I was a better parent than she. She gets mad and goes on a tirade. If we could all just work together for the best interest of the kids we maybe could get somewhere.
I don't know why the 10 y/o doesn't act up here. But I am glad he maybe feels he has what he needs at our home.