This morning we met with the new district to do my SS11's Transfer meeting.

He recently came to reside with us following CPS involvement with BM for truancy. She has agreed that he needs to reside with us for at least the remainder of this school year and during his Extended School Year program this summer. That is for now at least, I'm sure her tune will change when she receives the custody papers we filed.

Anyway, I notified her of the meeting as soon as it was set. The school was unable to mail her anything as she was homeless at the time the meeting was scheduled. Regardless, I have text messages proving I informed her and I have reminded her 3x's since. She texted me yesterday to see if the meeting was yesterday morning. I replied "no it's tomorrow" and she failed to show. *SHOCKER*

In addition to all of this, SS11's teacher was a mess. SS11 goes to a BOCES program which is out of district. Our new district faxed them over an invite over a week ago and they did not get it, so not only were the specialists (PT, Counselor, Psychologist) not included in the meeting because they "didn't know" even though the new district has proof the fax was received and called to remind them yesterday, but the teacher was a mess. YOU HAVE 6 KIDS. 6. How do you not know simple simple answers about the services in their IEP in MAY.
My SO was not impressed.

Anyway, we discussed his services for the remainder of the year because SO has never been invited to an IEP meeting despite giving the multiple school districts my SS11 has been bounced between his contact info. We also discussed what was put in his IEP for next year when SS11 will be in middle school at a new location. SS11 has been allowed to wear headphones (this big gaudy red noise cancelling headphones) which he does not need while at school. Come to find out-he's been allowed to wear them all the time there.

A little background:
These stupid headphones emerged this year. For some children, especially children on the spectrum they are quite useful, however for my SS who is diagnosed with Asperger's (on the high functioning end of the spectrum) they are more detrimental than anything. On the rare occasion he forgets to take them off, they have found their way home and are a huge problem. He argues about taking them off when crossing the street or when being told to do something he does want to. So they've been confiscated and are not allowed at our house. SS11 also has noooooo issues with loud noises, he attends Demolition Derbies, Birthday Parties, listens to my SO's "scream" music and is otherwise not phased by noise. So as far as I'm concerned they can just sit down when it comes to "sensory stimulation" because that's not the case. He uses them as a tool to not follow instructions/not do work or listen to his teachers. BM has purchased a pair of cheap ones that accidentally made their way to our home, which we have informed her are not to come to our house. In addition to all of this, if he's wearing the headphones all day, when is he working on socialization? He wears them in the lunch room which consists of about 15 kids. It's a large lunch room. He gets picked on for them and they make it easier for him to not have to socialize. SS11 has no friends. This is not healthy. We advocated for having them phased out-using them only for when he is completing academic work for the time being.

Then there's the 1:1 aide. This has been an ongoing discussion that we had with BM prior to our involvement (previously we weren't informed of meetings nor were any of our attempts at correspondence with the school returned) and she told us she was taking care of it. HA. SS11 CAN do his work. It's a matter of him wanting to and not giving the teachers/aides a hard time about doing (he argues that he'd rather draw than do math). It's also a matter of consequences when he doesn't do what he's supposed to do and that comes from home. Over the past month he has accepted the structure of living in our home and we are more than willing to work with the school on this, granted they communicate with us. Anyway, he does his homework at home by himself, without issue. I check it and for the most part he does it right. He asks me questions if he needs help. I don't see why we can't start weaning him off the 1:1 and having him a shared aide for next school year.

I feel like we have our work cut out for us as we weed out what is a need from what is something that BM advocated for so that he looks like he's more disabled than he is because that might equal more attention for her and in her mind, a bigger SSI check. But that's not how the world works. Not even a little.

Needless to say, due to the lack of preparation on BOCES part, we need to meet again next week. I'm perturbed with SO and the school for not paying this kid the attention he deserves in relation to school. But here we are.

Can anyone else relate to this? What have tactics have you found most helpful in communicating with school officials and teachers? How do you make sure that the people teaching them are engaged and paying the proper attention to what supports are in the IEP? And do you have any general advice? I know it is going to take time to transition SS and it's going to be difficult for him to meet the demands that he is capable of meeting and I also know he's not going to like it-but if we don't do this now he will be so far behind in the future. As much as I love him, I do not plan on supporting him his whole life and fully expect that he be a functioning adult one day (even though he told me he's living with us for the next 20 years :P)