I am ready to WALK. HELP
New to posting, but I have been coming here for support for a while. Happy to see that I am not a lone. But now I need your unfiltered advice.
Just to paint a picture of the home: I have 3 biological children living with me and two SK. I did have 3 SK (my DH step-daughter from his last marriage staying with us instead of her BM or BD). I also had 2 BS's but are now adults. One is away at college and the other will NOT speak to me due to my DH. My DH has been unemployed for 1-2 years and just found a job. I am a teacher and had to support EVERYONE on my paycheck, causing me to go into bankruptcy last month. I had to fight my SK's bio-mother to get her to finally take her kids 50% of the time because I couldn't take out any more loans to support her kids. She just started last month and still owes back support and current support to me and DH. Luckily, like I said my DH just got a job. We downsized from a house into an apartment where we can easily pay bills. Needless to say, I still have resentment against DH due to what he put me through with finances as well as the fact that my BS will NOT talk to me because of him. They had a fight at the other house where my DH called him a expletive when he stole from me when I was on vacation and demanded that I kick him out just after he graduated high school. He stole some of my tools that he thought belonged to my ex (his BD). So the resentment goes on...
I know he loves me. We have been together for 2 years trying to blend this family and it just seems we keep running into a brick wall. My SD who is almost 17 has bi-polar and bullies my BD who is only 11. They were forced to share a room when we downsized and my daughter is very intimidated. She is a bad influence on my BD because she has been caught on the internet sending nude pictures, cuts herself (my 11 yr old copied her a few months back and now in counseling). We did have SD on medication, but she is now refusing to take it (her BM is also bi-polar and influences her greatly on the negative front). She is a very negative person and I do not want her sharing a room with my child anymore. She went to go stay with her BM for 2 weeks and DH is hopeful she will start taking her medication again, but if she doesn't then is ready to have her go to mom's full time, which would be a Godsend to me, but her BM just doesn't have the time and said she can't take her 100% of the time.
My SS is only 10 and I have no issues with him. Him and my BD get along for the most part. My other 2 BS's are 15 and 14 (autistic) and they deal with things okay, but lock themselves up in their room with electronics because they still feel uncomfortable in this blended dynamic. Now, granted my 15 year old is just internet addicted, but nonetheless, he still feels this way.
My SD and I had a full our argument. Name calling, some F*' you's as well. Now, my DH had this same type of argument with both of my eldest sons and now is getting a taste of it himself as the parent in the middle. I DO NOT want my SD to move back into the room with my 11 year old. I fear that I have no control over it now. What is worse is when I want to separate to figure things out after all of these issues, my DH threatens that he could get alimony from me, does passive-aggressive BS on social media to where I had to block him myself, and literally said in CA he is a "tenant" that I could not kick out even though his name is on the lease. I loved this man once. I try everyday to get back my feelings, then another issue arises with one of the kids and I just want to throw in the towel. I think it would be soooo much easier on my own with my own kids and no one else around. Perhaps my eldest would talk to me again...my kids start to feel comfortable again... I don't know. We have only been married for 2 years and afraid of failure once again. Can someone please give me some advice?
It would take too long to
It would take too long to answer each of your points in detail. What it comes down to is you need to take your kids and move out.
Above all else, you need to protect your kids, especially your daughter and your autistic son. This environment is not good for either one of them. Your other son is probably "addicted" to the internet because he needs to avoid the chaos around him.
Make an appointment with a lawyer and get their guidance on how to start the proceedings. And as of right now quit paying for anything having to do with his kids.
YES!!! Stop paying for kids
YES!!! Stop paying for kids that are NOT YOURS and NOT your responsibility!!! They have a BM & BD, jobless or not, his kids his responsibility...you are not their personal bank acct/atm...do for you and yours only...all of you deserve wayyy better than what you have settled for.
You had me at bankruptcy...I
You had me at bankruptcy...I value my great credit score wayyy too damn much to ever lose it over a man, his brats and ex!!! FUCK THATTTT...
All I would be saying to that "man" and his brats is...BYE FELICIA!!!
Yes, you should walk away.
Yes, you should walk away. Get to an attorney asap and start your exit strategy.
Please explain why you
Please explain why you continue to expose your minor child to the toxic stew of the shallow and polluted gene pool of your DH's spawn?
This idiot and his polluted progeny are costing you your own children. Time to put your hands between your legs, grab a big handful of gonads and grow up. Protect your children. No one else will and you are their mother. Not only are you not protecting them you are actively exposing them to this toxic gonad gumbo that your DH has created.
You took on one he11 of a
You took on one he11 of a fixer-upper project didn't ya? Too bad you're not getting anything worthwhile out of your investment. If it's "love" you want you there's way cheaper ways of getting it...I was gonna say something crass but I'll just give you a hint: batteries/adult toys (more satisfying and less hassle than a man with s/kids).
He will not get alimony. It
He will not get alimony. It was a very short term marriage and he is working now. Get out while he is working.
It will probably be hard to
It will probably be hard to rent an apartment or find any other type of living arrangement now that you have a bankruptcy on your record. I'd advise kicking DH and his vile progeny out of the apartment. He's working now, so he can find his own place to live.
Wash your hands of this entire mess. Trust me, it WON'T get any better.
(((HUGS))) Sometimes being
(((HUGS)))
Sometimes being broker than broke poor with happy kids is better than just being broke with a miserable family life.
I hear you on this one -- I'm
I hear you on this one -- I'm in a similar situation where my DH seemed like he was financially healthy before he married me but after moving his kids in with me I ended up paying all the bills while the little he earned went to ex wife's child support WHILE I WAS SUPPORTING HIS CHILDREN AT MY HOUSE. Fun times. Anyway I am at a point in my marriage where I am trying to throw in the towel and realize that I really have nothing to look forward to with this man other than years of supporting him while he scrapes together what he can to pay for his two boys college tuition next year.
It's hard to reverse gears and give up your dreams of a happy marriage... I hear you. I think I am a similar point in my relationship where I have to cut bait because this is just never going to work for me. And he benefits from me and I don't benefit from him at all. In fact he tries to make me feel horrible because I don't want to pay for his kids to live here.
(No subject)
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Leave now. Lawyer up.
Leave now. Lawyer up.
dh and i have been married
dh and i have been married for 18 years. we married when skids were still very young children.
bm had full custody so dh was always kissing the a$$ of bm over the visitation she always jerked him over.
during the time skids were growing up, dh never missed cs and paid for things like sports and hobbies. never did skids say thank you. and he paid for much of school clothes.
cs money went to bm and her new husband buying a new house and new cars. they had new cars every two years.
when dh would call the skids to talk with them, they all screened his calls on the phone he bought and paid for on phone plans.
now that skids are grown, they all come wanting money. now that they are adults they are all calling him every day to talk like adult friends might do. one sd calls him her bff.