To begin, I had to delete prior posts that were personal to my history. 

Backstory: DH and I have been married going on a decade now. Since the day DH left BM, she has told the SKs “Dad left the family”, Your dad abandoned you”, “Your dad has a new family now”, and crap like that. Total PAS since the youngest was 18mo.

YSD13 has always been distant to some degree but has pretty much stopped texting DH, calling, returning phones calls, etc. SD17 was just as bad but DH had a couple conversations with her a few of weeks ago that he reiterated that she needs to put forth the effort too, DH will not buy their love and that relationships, even in families, are a 2 way street. SD17 took his words to heart and has been doing a LOT better. She even messages me sometimes. 

Both SKs come for dinner about once a month now and stay a night maybe. This has been going on since about July of last year with the exception of the major holidays. The rest of the time it’s one excuse or another. (SD17stb18 has a job and lots of activities so we understand that). Last summer BM tried to keep SD13 for the summer on DH time. That didn’t happen but the constant messages about it almost drove us nutty. That woman can’t send a simple text – it’s a freaking novel!! I usually don’t get involved but sometimes her ramblings are so confusing, DH needs help trying to interpret what she’s saying… He tries not to respond unless he absolutely has to via text and has perfected the art of hanging up as soon as she starts her verbal vomit.

Anyway, about 3 weeks ago, BM started her crap again (2nd marriage of 2 yrs is dissolving & she is trying to get $$ from her DH even though they never lived together in the entire time they were married – understandably, he’s not going for it). She’s bitter, so she decided the attack DH game was due. In a fun evening of attack texts, it came out that she knows very personal info that the SKs have shared and that they hate coming to our house, yada, yada. It pretty much solidified our thoughts on why the SKs like to dine and dash. DH is sad b/c he’s a good father and tries very hard to be relevant in their lives but they keep pushing him away. They complain, for example, that he doesn’t attend their functions, but they don’t even tell him about them! He’s even been blocked from their social media.

The summer is coming and with that, what will happen with visitation. Every year we take a family vacation (I have a BD15) that everyone has a lot of fun on. It’s remote, cell phones typically don’t work, so it’s fun day trips, yummy meals and everyone gets to relax from the technology tether.

With the way DH has been treated of late, we’ve been discussing possibly planning a Plan B summer vacation. (It doesn’t feel right to go to the same place that we hold great family memories). We’ve discussed BD15, DH and myself as Plan B and also (Plan C?) DH, me, BD15, & SD17 if SD13 is adamant she doesn’t want to go.

DH needs to figure out the summer plan since it’s getting closer and reservations will need to be made. I don’t want to force anyone on a trip that will be unpleasant, nor do I want to feel like we have to “buy their love” in order to have a relationship with the SKs. I know in the past, the SKs sorta get lumped together with decisions but I think it’s time to look at them individually and not have an all or nothing approach. I’m hoping DH will have a discussion with SD13 soon but I think he’s waiting for them to both come over for a face to face. Seeing as how they saw him 2 weeks ago for a birthday dinner, I’m sure it won’t be for another month until that happens.

Is it wrong for DH to call up SD13 (who has been avoiding him) and basically say, if you keep ignoring me (me, as in DH), family vacation is going to go quite a bit different this year?

Poor DH, I really feel for him. SD17 was a pain when she was that age but DH had an established relationship with her prior to his divorce, SD13 was very young. SD17 mentioned SD13 is still too young to understand the BM has her brainwashed.. Reading some of the stories on here, there isn’t necessarily an ‘aha!’ moment when they are grown that they will magically want a relationship and realize BM has been poisoning them all their lives… With that in mind, what do you do?