Is all the compromising going to be worth it?
I am the type of person who is very indecisive. It drives me crazy. I feel like I never really know what I want or what I should do, in just about every single situation. So I'm here to 'type it out' about the particular situation of being a "SM" and choosing this life for myself.
I really love my SO. He's by far the best man I have ever been with. I feel so comfortable around him and I want us to spend our lives together. Then comes in all his baggage... his 2 kids, his b!tch @ss BM. I do not have any bios, I'm 28 years old and I've never been married. Sometimes I think I am completely stupid for making the choice to let them all come live with me and to really think this will turn out how I want it to.
Is it all going to worth giving up what I pictured my life as? Ya know - being someone's first wife - having time to spend together as a couple before children - choosing when to start a family, just OUR family, not a family where some stupid c!nt (yes, that word fits her) is the mother and I'm the "evil witch of a gf". I feel like I am giving up so much, but if I think about leaving him I definitely don't feel any better.
Sometimes I just really don't think I'm strong enough.
Right now my relationship w/his kids is fine - we all get along - they annoy me of course, but they are kids. I would want things w/my own kids to be very different, that's for sure - but all in all they are good kids. SD10 and SS8, so they are also still fairly young. What happens if they become completely different towards me during the teen years? That is what I fear the most - them coming between me and SO. They are his kids after all, they aren't going anywhere (10 YEARS!!! lol)
My dreams for my future include traveling, getting married and getting in a bunch of kick-ass trips before having kids. Of course that is harder now that I date a man with children, they put a damper on that w/scheduling trips and such.
Anyways, is it worth it? Anyone who was at one point in a similar situation as me (no kids - at first), and if you did have kids - were you & your child(ren) treated differently than the skids were?
I love my SO and want this to work so badly, we have our problems just like every other couple and I can't see myself without him, but I don't want to regret it either. Obviously none of you can make up my mind for me, just sometimes 'talking' it out can bring perspective I suppose...
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How does he handle his
How does he handle his children and the toxic ex?
-- He's a good dad, they are punished when they should be (which isn't very often - as of right now, they don't get into much trouble). He spends time w/them, sets boundaries, he's much more of a parent than BM is. Those kids constantly smell like something dead coming from her house - I often wonder if she even showers herself! Sometimes he lets her get under his skin, but he's good at ignoring her too (thanks to my input on that subject... I tell him to just let it go, you got divorced so you wouldn't have to deal w/her BS anymore!)
Is he a "keep the peace kind of guy"? Not a good sign.
-- To a certain extent... BM tends to go through phases, she won't bother him at all - but then if she's in a bad mood she'll start up crap w/him, which now he generally ignores. I've never witnessed him do something for her that he didn't want to either involving the kids or not.
Does he have total possession of his balls?
-- Yes!
Is he capable of "ignoring the whore"?
-- Yep, see above.
Will you be put at the bottom of the list of what is important?
-- We've had numerous talks about priorities and what not, he knows that I don't want to come second anymore. I am the believer in kids are first priority, they obviously will always matter, but the spouse comes first, b/c they are with you forever. Kids leave. I know the world is about 50/50 on that subject - but that's what I believe and we have discussed it, so I'm hoping that never becomes an issue, he sees where I'm coming from and wants the kids to have a good example of a relationship from us.
What are his expectations of your contributions (time and money) to his children?
-- He doesn't really have any. As long as I'm friendly to them, anything extra I want to do is my choice. Financially they are not my problem AT ALL and I would never let that happen. They have 2 parents and 3 friggin' sets of grandparents - they are spoiled just fine, they don't need anything from me. When I choose to go to softball games, etc, that is my choice. SO would not be angry if I didn't want to go. I usually go though, b/c I like spending time with HIM and being able to support SD10.
Thank you for the input!
Thank you for the input! Your life sounds pretty amazing... I would love to travel the world. I've already decided that when I retire, I'm getting myself an RV and traveling the entire US - which is why I need to use my passport as much as possible now!
I still have decided if I really want kids or not yet... I'm so back and forth on that. I don't want to regret not having them, but sometimes they seem like so much damn work - ha!
Hopefully I'll figure this out sooner than later, I wish I was one of those people that just "knew" - unless of course they are full of crap and everyone just has to take the chance!