she doesn't want to be with us
I am a stepmom of 2 girls age 7 and 10... I have been around for 5 years. My husband and I work alot so they are only with us part time 10 nights a month. If you read a recent post of mine, I was venting about the younger ones behavior...we have tried so many things, grounding taking away things reward chart systems counselors and it does not fase this kid. She doesn't care who she hurts and in my eyes she bullys everyone. Her mom is on board with punishments and follows through at her house (she says she does although I'm not sure)... it seems she doesn't misbehave as much there as she does here. This has been going on almost 2 years on and off with the extreme behavior issues. She use to punch herself and scream as loud as she could to talking back and says the meanest things. Last week I think some truth finally came out...she told us she didn't want to be at our house, she wanted to stay home because she misses her mother. Her mother since I've been around has been in school works full time and goes to the gym every second she can, so I can imagine she misses her mom. They are mostly watched by their stepdad whom does not work. All I can really think of for behavior, could it be lack of time w her mother ? Is that just an excuse? Why so bad with us and not over there? We have a nice house with consistent routine and expectations. The older one rarely has an issue. I'm the step parent so I mostly keep my mouth shut but it's hard not to think of because the days they r here are the only days my husband and i have off and they r usually ruined because of the extreme misnehavior. We are lost on this one.
Punches herself? That would
Punches herself? That would be over my head. I would probably seek professional help at that point. A 7 year old bully is also on track to become an utterly unbearable teen, even a scary one. Yes, I would get out the yellow pages at this point.
Good luck, sounds very difficult.
BTW, my sd15 is a bully and I'm sure she probably was one at 7, too, when I didn't know her. She is extremely difficult and on the verge of dropping out of high school. But to my knowledge she has never done something along the lines of punching herself. Red alert, in my eyes.
I've mentioned this several
I've mentioned this several times but through my husband. I think the only way the mother will do anything (they have joint custody but mother has final say so in so many words it's up to her) is if something extreme happens at their house. She knows about the punching and thinks it's for attention. It's too much, she made my husband cry yesterday. Ruthless mean kid. Idk what to do but I'm starting to not want her at our house. Her grandparents agreed to take her next weekend. We just can't handle it.
If mom won't agree to kiddy
If mom won't agree to kiddy getting professional help, I would start seriously thinking about refusing visitation. This may very well result in kiddy acting just as bad at mom's cuz now she misses daddy. Then mom will be willing to do the professional help after all. (we had to do something similar over ringworm if you can believe it)
Sounds like your bm likes her free time. Losing all of it will get her attention.
I would also videotape the behavior.
I'm scared that this may
I'm scared that this may start a war but your right something needs to be done. I work 60 hours a week and my days off are the days rhwy are over and one of us ends up in tears because of this child's bullying....would it be wrong to just say hey she can't come over until she shows respect?
Have your DH call her school
Have your DH call her school and ask about her behavior there. If the school is seeing any bullying (or other behavioral issues), have your DH request a Referral For Evaluation. BM *can* fight that, but if an authority figure like the school requests it for behavior THEY'RE seeing, she's sort of unlikely to.
However, if BM isn't seeing these issues, and the school isn't seeing them either, then I'd take a harder look at your house - something is out of whack if it's ONLY with you that this behavior manifests.
He did call the school and
He did call the school and her doctor because of innaprooriate things things she things she mentioned about her stepdad. There was a mandatory mental evaluation done for her and stepdad...she mentioned his private parts..all went clear and they found nothing suspecious...the school got her into counseling and there were some issues with making friends but nothing serious that we know of. They only call her mother. Her mother says she has major issues at home but it seems to me that she is in denial that there could be anything wrong with her. I mean why doesn't she make friends and why is she so angry? I've heard her tell us on many occasions that she doesn't know why she's so angry. The counselor even said she's hard to talk to. I am at a point where I can't waste all of our days off arguing with this child when the only one legally aloud to do anything wont.