BM is in contempt of the parenting plan...but does it really matter?
BM refuses to involve the kids' dad in any aspect of their life except for the visitation. Everything from doctors visits, sports camps, school pictures, baptisms, you name it. Most recently their daughter had tennis camp last week and her dad would have love to go watch part of the practice. BM didn't tell him about the camp because she knew the kids dad would go watch for few minutes. My stepdaughter just told me that her mom asked her not to tell me or her dad about the camp because she did not want us showing up. So typical of her. Husband and I have been reading over the parenting plan a lot lately and it specifically says "mother and father" shall not exclude the other from any extra-curricular activity. She excludes him from EVERYTHING!!!!
But does this really matter in court? I mean if he took her back to court for contempt of the parenting plan by not telling him about extra-curricular activities what is the court system really going to do? My guess is nothing and it would just be a waste of time.
There are so many dads out there who don't care about their kids at all and all the moms who would give anything for their child to just have a 1/2 ass dad. Then you have my husband who is dying to be a bigger part of his kids lives and the BM wishes he would exit the kids lives completely. I just don't get it!
I am one of those mom's who
I am one of those mom's who would give anything to have my ExH be more involved with our boys. I have 3 teenage sons. I have tried inviting him to their events but he's always too busy or too tired. After years of this, I eventually gave up. He doesn't call the kids nor does he visit them on a regular basis. He didn't even show up for mediation or court in regards to visitation. The judge was mad and granted visitation on agreement which means if he wants to see them, all he has to do is call me and we can set up a time. Sadly this rarely happens. He has seen the kids twice so far this year for a few hours. When I left him, he didn't see or talk to the boys for 2 years. Since 2005 he sees them on average of 4 times a year for a few hours at a time.
It upsets me to hear about parents who purposely go out of their way to make sure that the other parent misses out on these types of events. It is really sad for me to hear this especially when I have an ExH who doesn't even try. I can't tell you how much I would give to have their father be involved.
It hurts my boys as they know their dad doesn't make time for them. It hurts them when they have told their dad about their various events and he doesn't show up. It hurts them when they see on Facebook how many punk rock shows he goes to and all this fun he has with his friends. They realize that some of that time he could be spending with them. He is always "too tired" to have them or "too busy". My other favorite is, "I have to go to work and I only want to have them when I can spend the whole day with them". That one makes me laugh as he doesn't pay his court ordered child support of $442 a month; we get $53 a month so, I would really like to know what job he is talking about. I also find it funny that he "wants to spend the whole day", because on the rare occasions that he sees them, it is only for a few hours; remember, he is tired from working so hard! :sick: Anyways, enough about my situation.
You stated that SD said that her mom didn't want her to tell you guys about one of her activities because she didn't want her father showing up. The mother is openly exposing herself to her daughter and showing her what a toxic POS, selfish bitch she is. Your SD will remember this someday and she will put the pieces together. She knows what her mom did was wrong and that is why she told you. Perhaps maybe deep down inside she wants her father to confront her mom. She sounds too young to do it for herself and I suspect that there would be hell to pay if she informed her father herself and her mother found out.
I know this doesn't help right now but I can guarantee you that when the kids get older, they will know what their mother did and they will not be happy with her. I would encourage your DH to not give up and to document every time BM violates the court order. I don't know how much this would cost in attorney's fees if you were to bring contempt charges as I have never had to take my ExH to court for anything except child support as he doesn't want to be involved. Perhaps you could consult with an attorney and find out whether or not this situation could be remedied without costing an arm and a leg?
in our experience? no. we
in our experience? no.
we use our family wizard. its good for documenting messages but 90% of the time BM ignores the messages (btu she does read them which teh system tracks).
she never enters anything into the calendar, or if she does, its the day before or the day of so its impossible to make plans for my fiance to go.
he's supposed to have 50% legal custody, but BM calls all the shots and the courts do nothing. he spent nearly $10K a year ago and all they say is "follow the plan" which she doesnt. we've even had hte police document refused visitations. goes no where.