Anxiety...
How do you deal with anxiety when skid is coming? I was tired, ready to go to bed, and SD calls DH, she's coming after all... And DH asks if I could watch her (at least I've trained him to ask first) since DH will be at work? And now I can't sleep...
I really just want to not care anymore. I can't figure why I care.
It's not like she's a bad kid, she's been utterly rotten and rude in the past, but since I disengaged, she's just kind of quiet (thank God), cold but at most importantly polite... I really don't have to do anything for her. She cooks for herself, or my Dh cooks for all of us (she complained about my cooking one too many times), cleans up most of her stuff, does what she's told, gets good grades, is great with her younger siblings (and sometimes gives me a much needed break by entertaining them).
The only annoying thing is her daddy issues, when he's home she turns into a Toddler, she stays within 2 feet of him, when he sits down she stands there staring at him, she would follow him into the bathroom if he would let her... It's annoying to watch, but really that's his problem.
I guess we can't take her out places either, she's been spoiled rotten, which I might have played into when she was younger... But her parents are much worse.. She insists on ordering steak and shrimp at restaurants, throws tantrums like mega melt downs a toddler would throw when told "no"... In addition her need to have dad 2 feet away from her the entire time makes for one miserable experience... But again totally DHs problem, I don't go out in public with her unless it's a very rare special occasion, not surprisingly he doesn't care to either.
In all honesty, there is no reason to be anxious, we won't go anywhere, so no temper tantrums, DH won't be home, so she can't possibly annoy me by following him around, which doesn't make sense why do I care if she's following him around anyway?
And I know I could make BM watch her, but SD would rather be here... and I feel sorry for the kid - her BM and SF and all their people are just one big old drama filled mess... I don't have the heart to make her stay there.
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Comments
I loved Sally's response, but
I loved Sally's response, but then I love Sally's position in life right now. I don't know what to say except I know where you're coming from! ((Hugs)))
Not your circus and not your
Not your circus and not your monkey. Whatever I may say about my other half, I have never been expected to look after Chucky. If I chose to it was on my terms. I was never asked to. Tell your H no.
Valium. That's how I deal
Valium. That's how I deal with the anxiety.
ativan, paxil, and blood
ativan, paxil, and blood pressure meds.
and beer. lots of beer.
ETA - never had issues needing medication until recently....
Xanax!
Xanax!
We're twins!
We're twins!
XANAX, it has helped me
XANAX, it has helped me immensely. It really allows me to not give a sh&t.
I totally know how you feel I
I totally know how you feel I used to have full blown panic attacks every week when my stepdaugther would come back with us. She's 12 and my husband has her 50/50. I dealt with it by being Uberstepmom. If I had her room cleaned and perfect, her laundry done, her favorite food in the fridge and a week of fun activities planned then I could relax a little. But most of the time I was in the bathroom hyperventilating for a few hours before she got here. I thought I was crazy. I had no reason to freak out because she's not a bad kid and we got along. But still I lived like that for 5 years.
I stepped back and the anxiety has disappeared. I just do my own thing. It wasn't easy and you can tell from reading my blogs that I really questioned myself and had a hard time at first. I have a very supportive husband who handles all the parenting now and understands why I need to do this for myself, and my stepdaughter seems to be adapting okay. She has a mom she spends half her time with and she's here with her dad half the time. Basically she has two parents and I'm finding a new role for mysef.
How old is your stepdaughter? Mine is 12 and its in the last 6 months or so that she's been really clingy with her dad. Our counselor said its a normal stage at this age and that she'll grow out of it. My husband tries to be sweet but also set some boundaries especially when they're out in public. I totally understand why it bugs you it bugs me too. If were out taking a walk, she grabs his arm or holds his hand and I'm left as the odd one out. My husband is very aware and he'll hold her hand for a while then find a natural way to let go and then take my hand. He tries so hard to keep things equal! But its so annoying and gross but your right its his problem. I just spend more time doing my own thing so I don't have to see my stepdaughter as much. Honestly I think she likes having more time with her dad.
It sounds like oyu care about her and want whats best for her and that's really great. You don't want to force her on her mom but its also not your job to watch her when your husband isn't there. I used to keep my stepdaughter for entire weeks while my husband was away at work. I won't do that anymore. As people have said she's there to see her dad not you and unless there's terrible abuse going on at her mom's she needs to be there if your husband isn't available. For better or worse those are her parents, not you. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion and i wish i'd figured it out sooner. Good luck!